It's Complicated Malec AU
by Yaoilover2873
Summary: Magnus Bane wants to be a serious reporter. He's promised the job of a life time if he is able to get the inside scoop of what goes on in Downtown New York. While undercover Magnus meets Alec Lightwood who was disowned by his family. Alec is everything Magnus wants to write about but the longer he gets to know him the harder he falls. Can he choose between his dream and love?
1. The Complicated assignment

Chapter one: The Complicated Assignment

Magnus Pov- I looked up at the big building I have only dreamed of entering before today. I have always wanted to be a reporter. Finding out the real story and telling the worlds secrets. It was much better than spilling celebrity gossip and following them around for a possible scandalous photo.

I finally had an interview at Circle Inc. the most hard hitting news claim in New York and I was so terrified that I was going to blow it. This was my once in a life time chance to win the CEO over with my amazing journaling skills. Once you failed an interview with Circle Inc. then that was it, you only got one chance. "Are you going to go in or are you going to stare at the building all day?" My closest friend Ragnor Fell asked standing behind me impatiently.

I looked at him frowning "What if I mess up? They might not like me." I was expecting some reassurance or compassion but of course that was too much to hope for when it came to Ragnor. Instead I he responds by saying "Well I would be surprised if that indeed didn't happen. Your clothes themselves are enough to get you thrown out. Seriously Magnus, who wears sparkly gold skinny jeans to a job interview?"

I frowned looking down at said jeans, my silver V-neck shirt, and black blazer I had on over it. I also completed the look with a matching gold sparkly scarf, some silver high-tops, and my make-up was a mix of gold and silver. "I wanted to be myself" I said finally, flipping my scarf over my shoulder in a dramatic fashion. Ragnor rolled his eyes "Whatever, just go in already or you'll be late. You're already making me regret sticking my neck out for you."

Ragnor worked at Circle Inc. and it took long hours of groveling and whining to convince him to get me an interview. It was actually surprising when he really did it. Now that it was time for said interview though all I could do was stand in front of the building staring at it. "Okay… I can do this… no problem…"

Ragnor rolled his eyes again and this time he shoved me through the doors. I fell forward almost landing on my face but caught my balance before looking at Ragnor "That was very unnecessary." Ragnor ignored me and grabbed me by the scarf half choking me as he pulled me into the elevator. "Magnus you need to focus. If you do badly on this interview then that will reflect badly on me. I will not have you making me look bad, am I understood?"

I nodded standing up straight, pulling my scarf out of his grasp "I got this." Ragnor crossed his arms "You better hope you got this Magnus." The elevator stopped and the moment the doors opened Ragnor shoved me out before pushing the button to make the doors close again. I stared at the closed elevator doors trying to catch my breath before I turned around and walked up to the secretary desk.

The secretary, a man with golden blonde hair and blue eyes, looked up from his paper work and the first thing he did was scale my outfit. Ok so maybe being myself wasn't the best idea for something this important. "Name?" He asked going back to his paperwork. "Um… Magnus Bane. I'm here for an interview with Valentine Morgenstern."

He pushed a button on a voice box saying "Valentine your four o clock is here" before looking up at me again "Have a seat he will be with you shortly." I nodded thanking him before going over to the sitting area looking around the room. There were blown up framed newspaper articles that made this company so well-known hanging all over the walls. Inside scoops in murder investigations, drug busts, even the biggest story in New York about a mob ring. The mob was causing a lot of trouble not so long ago and it was Circle Inc. who found out that the leader of the mob was only a fifteen year old boy named Raphael Santiago.

The office door opened and a man with hair so blond it almost looked white came out smiling at me. "Magnus Bane please come into my office." I quickly stood up going into his office like he asked. Once inside I smiled at him, shaking his hand "Magnus Bane, it's a privilege to meet you Mr. Morgenstern."

He smiled shaking my hand back "Just Valentine is fine. Please have a seat Magnus." I did as he said looking around his office as he poured us coffee. His office was full of more blown up framed newspapers but he also had pictures of him and I'm guessing his family.

Most of the pictures were of him and a young girl with fire orange hair but there was one where he was standing with her and another kid. It was a boy with the same blond white hair as Valentine. He had his arms crossed and didn't even look at the camera. It was if the fact that the picture was being taken at all pissed him off.

"So Magnus what made you interested in working for my company" Valentine asked making me look away from the picture and back at him. He handed me my coffee and I smiled a thank you at him before saying "I have always admired the work you and the reporters here do. You aren't afraid to go into danger to get the story, that's real devotion to your work."

Valentine nodded sitting in his seat "Well it is sometimes, it's hard to convince most of my writers to put themselves in danger like that. The Raphael Santiago case was very hard, no one wanted to risk the mob finding and killing them." I had to admit that sounded scary. "You got someone to do it though."

Valentine nodded "Hodge was kind enough to volunteer so at least I had someone. Your friend Ragnor is one of my photographers yes? He's one of my best." I nodded "he's always had a keen eye for photography."

Valentine leaned forward folding his hands together "I'll be frank with you Magnus I don't need just any reporter. I need one that can put themselves in the line of danger and not give me any lip about it. I need professionals who know how to do their job and above all else I need complete loyalty." I frowned slightly knowing what he was talking about.

Circle Inc. used to have four founders Valentine Morgenstern, Michael Wayland, Lucian Graymark, and lastly Robert Lightwood. It was a huge scandal when Robert Lightwood started his own company and took almost everyone with him. "I'm all about loyalty" I finally said looking at Valentine. He studied me for a moment before leaning back "I'll give you a test then Magnus Bane. To see if you can really handle being in the line of danger."

I smiled excited for getting a chance to prove myself "What is the test?" "Go undercover down town and get me the inside scoop on how the people there really live." That made me frown "Down town?" Down town was a really bad part of New York City. It was where all the homeless, drug addicts, and prostitutes lived.

"I want to know the life of someone who lives down there. If you don't think you can handle such a small task then there's no way you can handle this job." I stood up so fast I almost spilled my coffee "I can handle it, I'll do it." Valentine smiled and shook my hand "Bring me a great story Magnus Bane and you'll be my new reporter."

"You have to what now?!" My friend Tessa asked almost choking of her salad. I was out with her, Ragnor, and Catarina celebrating my possible job opportunity. "I have to go down town to find out what really goes on down there."

"It's already obvious what goes on down there Magnus. They either live on the street or in a crappy run-down apartment, the jobs they have are drug dealing and selling themselves, and when they do have money they use it to get high." Catarina shook her head "I have treated a lot of people from down town. I see a lot of people dying every day from aids or drug over dose. There's a lot of murder that happens down there too."

I looked at Catarina a little shocked. Out of all the people who would have been understanding I thought for sure it would be her. "Maybe they're not all like that" I said before taking a big bite out of my burger. "They are Magnus, I don't know what Valentine think's you're going to get but you won't get anything that people don't already know. No one will be interested in what happens down town. No one ever is" Ragnor said watching me.

"That's why they live like they do Magnus. Down town is where you go when you just want to give up on life. It's the easy way out and nothing more" Tessa said sipping at her soda. I looked at them all "You don't think I can get a great story?" They all looked at each other hesitant on hurting my feelings and I stood up "Looks like I will have to prove you wrong then. I'll come back here with a story so juicy Valentine will be begging to have me on his staff."

Alec Pov- As the morning sun shone through the window of yet another crappy hotel room I ended up at I struggled to open my eyes, heavy as led. Last night had gone on like every one of my normal nights for the past two years. I woke up around five in the evening, having drank myself into a drunken sleep the night before. Got up and dressed in the scraps of clothing I had for myself, then walked around town scouting out the best places to buy drugs where the cops wouldn't be undercover to catch me. Once I bought myself a decent amount of cocaine I made my way to my job where I entertain rich men who come down town to escape their problems.

When I first started living down town I was thrown the job as a pity bone. I hated the thought of selling myself and pretending I liked these men just to survive but now I got a thrill out of it. They used me to become less stressed and I use them to escape the pathetic life I'm living for a few hours.

I sat up in bed looking around the unfamiliar hotel room before reaching for my jeans laying on the ground. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lighter before pulling one out of the box and putting it in my mouth. I ended up here after leaving work with a handsome stranger who kept buying me drinks. He asked if I wanted to get a room and I accepted without even thinking about it.

Money was money and sex was sex. I stopped separating the two long ago. I lit the cigarette before searching my jeans for the bag of coke I had in my back pocket cursing to myself when I didn't find it there. "Damn bastard" I muttered pulling the cigarette out of my mouth and blowing out the smoke. The man I came here with must have jacked my drugs before leaving this morning.

My cell phone rang so loud I could feel it pounding my skull, I was still slightly hung over from my previous night of drinking. Sighing I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed my phone flipping it open and putting it to my ear. It wasn't one of those fancy smart phones that everyone always seemed to be updating just because the new one has a slightly bigger screen. This was one of those flip phones that only had so many minutes on it because you got those minutes free every month from the government.

"Hello" I sighed into the phone plopping my head back on the flat as paper pillow. "Where are you at this time? I swear every time I come to your place you're never here" My best friend Sebastian Morgenstern complained loudly.

I closed my eyes rubbing my temples "Can you please lower your voice a smidge? I went to a hotel with one of my customers. The Bastard stole my cocaine and that was supposed to last me a month." The sound of a snort came from the other end of the phone "You and I both know that wouldn't have even lasted you a week."

It was true, I spent the majority of my time either getting high or being high. When you had nothing to live for you didn't really care about the possibility of over dosing or dying of aids. Well okay I shouldn't say I didn't completely care. I always made sure to go to a free clinic and check myself for aids and HIV when I'm not sure about people I sleep with. Last night's mystery lover will be added to that list.

"Why were you looking for me Sebastian" I asked balancing my phone between my ear and shoulder, while I stood up and pulled on my jeans. "I want you to reconsider the offer we were given the night before. I know you said it was risky but I think we should take a chance on it. They'll pay us thousands."

I sighed shaking my head. The offer he spoke of was from the New York mob boss Raphael Santiago. He has been in the papers a lot lately and because of this he needs to keep a low profile. Raphael has a huge drug shipment coming in and he wants Sebastian and me to be in charge of getting it and distributing it throughout the city.

"Sebastian I keep trying to tell you that we shouldn't be involved with the New York mob. Circle Inc. knows what Raphael is up to they put a huge spotlight on him. The cops will be looking out for weird activity and the last thing we need is to be involved with it. I rather not go to prison."

Sebastian sighed and I could feel the force of him rolling his eyes over the phone. "Alec you worry too much. You need this money a lot more than I do. The fact that you only had enough money for a months' worth of dope means that you haven't been getting a lot of offers to sleep with you. I for one would never belittle myself to sleeping with scum who could never afford me." I pulled on an old gray T-shirt covered in little holes. "Well yeah because you're a sugar baby" I teased knowing it always pissed him off.

Down town had four types of jobs you can have. Drug dealing where you sell any type of drug to losers like me who will buy it. Prostitution where you sell yourself for sex to get money. Sadly that was the category I was in.

Sugar baby, or in a man's case a companion. Someone who had such great looks that they didn't need to sleep around. All they did was pretend to be a rich persons date or just spend time with them and they spoil you with money and anything else you want. Then lastly, the homeless who have such a shitty life that all they can do is lay on the sidewalk waiting to die.

Sebastian was in the companion category. With his platinum blonde hair and dark cold black eyes he looked like a dark angel banished to earth because all he could do was sin. He was once part of the Morgenstern family, one of the most well-known families in New York but something happened to make his family disown him. I never really asked what happened since it wasn't my place to ask. All I know is that his name was once Jonathan Morgenstern and he hated his family.

"Speaking of which, I don't know how you can date men Alec. Every time I am forced to pretend to be a man's boyfriend it's so annoying. Rich gay guys are the worst kind of rich guy." I couldn't help but laugh at that as I slipped on my shoes "yeah I can't argue with you there. Can we agree that we aren't going to have anything to do with Raphael Santiago or the New York mob? The money's not worth the trouble."

Sebastian let out a long annoyed sighed before saying "Fine you win. I brought over some coke so I'll be here waiting. Don't take forever" He said before hanging up. I smiled putting my phone in my pocket and walked out of the room happy Sebastian had me covered. It was an understatement that I had a drug problem. Everyone who knows me knows it's true and the dealers know it also which sucks for me because they know I'll pay whatever they say to get it. I paid a good three hundred bucks just for that small bag.

I walked out of the hotel looking up at the cloudy sky that threatened rain. It's hard to believe that there was a time where my life didn't suck, where I actually enjoyed being alive. Seems like a dream now but it was real. I was Alexander Lightwood, the eldest son of Robert and Maryse Lightwood and people expected great things to come from me.

My father was one of the founders of circle Inc. and when he betrayed Valentine by making his own company I was supposed to run it in the future after he retires. Those plans changed when I finally told my parents that I was not only gay, but was also in love with my adoptive brother Jace. My parents, the people who raised me and said they would love me no matter what turned their backs on me then. My father told me I was disgusting and I needed to clean up my act or else.

I pretended it was a phase living the next three years acting like I was over it. I had gotten over my crush on Jace, that was a phase but my liking boys was not. When I told my parents that, they finally showed me what 'or else' meant. They threw me out of the house making me have to escape to down town where I had to fight to survive every day. If Sebastian hadn't found me half dead and starving on the street I might not have survived.

I looked around as I walked frowning at all the people laying on the sidewalk shaking from either the cold or withdraw. It was the beginning of fall but winter was approaching fast. New York winters were brutal especially down town. Half of the homeless die during the winters and you would think the police or a homeless shelter would help with that but that's not the case. The police see it as lowering the homeless rating in New York. Letting them die is better than helping them live.

The homeless weren't the only ones down town who were affected by the winters. Not a single apartment had heat down here and the buildings installation did little to keep out the cold. Business slowed down since the rich go to warmer places during the winter and drug sales also vanish since the dealers don't want to stand in the cold. Winter was hard for all of us and we dreaded it for when it came.

Once I got to my apartment I went inside not needing to unlock any doors. No locks worked in this place and it's shocking that no one has broken in yet, well no one but Sebastian. I pushed my front door open and like promised Sebastian was sitting on my old dirty couch waiting for me. The couch was maybe sixteen years old and I suppose it was white once. Now it was a mix of yellow and brown and springs were sticking out of it from every angle.

Sadly though the couch was the nicest thing in my apartment. I had no TV which never really bothered me because I'm rarely home anyway. The walls had cracks and the wallpaper peeled revealing moldy warped wood behind it. Lastly the frig didn't work so If I wanted to buy food that needed to be cold I will end up with something soupy or chunky.

"I really think you should invest in a new couch" Sebastian said pulling one of the many springs out of the couch and throwing it across the room. I walked over to him rolling my eyes "Not everyone is like you and can get rich girls to buy me expensive stuff." He smirked at me "You jealous? I keep telling you with that black hair and those blue eyes you could be a companion. You wouldn't even have to sleep with them unless you wanted to."

I leaned into the back of my couch, wincing when a piece of metal poked my back "I don't do charity you know that. Speaking of all of your nice stuff, I do hope you locked up your house this time. They cleaned out your whole house last weekend."

Sebastian lit a cigarette, inhaling before breathing out the smoke in a long sigh "I bet it was that Maia bitch. You have to watch your back with her she's a sneaky one." I nodded scratching my arms, they were really starting to irritate me. My entire body was itchy and I was getting restless.

Sebastian noticed "When was the last time you got high dude?" I shrugged still itching my arms "two days ago." His shocked look wasn't surprising. I never went more than a day without doing some kind of drug.

When I first started using I only did it once a month, but the harder my life got the more I used. Eventually I got to the point where I needed to be high all the time or else I'll break. I know it's gotten bad, I can't even be sober for an hour without feeling withdraw. That's what was happening to me right now, my body was on edge needing to relax but that bastard stole my stash.

Sebastian shook his head pulling a bag of thick white powder out of his pocket "I keep telling you that you need to stop taking your drugs with you on the job. You seriously can't have sex while sober?" I looked at the powder my entire body now fidgeting with need "I can but I rather not." Sebastian shrugged spreading the powder onto my coffee table before handing me a straw "Go at it."

Magnus Pov- "Why would you want to go to that dirty hobble?" My best friend Camille asked sprawling out on my bed with a magazine in hand. She invited herself over like always and once I told her my plan she shot it down hard. "I have to do this to get my dream job Camille, why don't any of you understand how important this is to me?"

She sighed sitting up on the bed "Magnus, Ragnor works for Circle Inc. as well and he has never had to go downtown. I think you need to back up and think about what you're risking. You could get mugged or gang raped. Not to mention if you for some reason meet a guy down there he will be a total mess."

I rolled my eyes at that "I won't fall in love while I'm down there this is strictly work." She looked at me, her eyes serious now "I know you Magnus. You love broken things and I know you will meet some poor broken soul down there and assume you can fix them. Don't go downtown Magnus."

I crossed my arms over my chest "You all are unbelievable, since when are you so judgmental?" Camille raised an eyebrow at that question and I nodded "Okay you have always been judgmental I'll give you that but the others aren't. I thought for sure Catarina would understand but she was just as bad as the others. What is so bad about downtown?"

She sighed pulling out her phone "You haven't been down there Magnus so you don't know what it's like. My father took me down there once to teach me to appreciate money. I acted cool about it but I would never admit to him that it down right scared me. I make sure I don't spend money carelessly, I don't want to end up like them."

"Raphael Santiago is one of the richest men alive and he lives downtown" I argued but I knew it wasn't a very strong argument. "He's also a mob boss. If you were doing illegal activity wouldn't you live where you can hide it behind even more illegal activity? Face it Magnus you have nothing to fight with."

I shrugged plopping down on my bed and turning on the TV "Doesn't change my mind. I'm still going downtown and I'll get the scoop I need to get into Circle Inc." She sighed shaking her head before looking at the TV when they mentioned the Lightwood family. I grabbed the remote turning up the volume and a news reporter put a mic up to Robert Lightwood the man who betrayed Valentine and made his own company.

" _Mr. Lightwood is it true that you're going to be giving the business to one of your children at the end of the month?"_ Robert Lightwood smiled charmingly at the news reporter. You could tell by that smile that he was good at tricking people, then again most of the Lightwoods were good at that from what I was told. _"Yes, my only daughter Isabelle Lightwood will be taking over for me. I'm very proud of her for stepping up and taking the position."_

The camera zoomed out showing a girl, not even seventeen standing next to him. She was a vision of loveliness that was for sure. She had the signature Lightwood black hair but not the blue eyes they were so famous for. "He's doing a great power move" Camille said looking back at her magazine.

I looked back at her "what do you mean?" She shrugged flipping a page "This is the twenty first century. The fact that he doesn't bat an eye at his daughter running his company means he's not a sexist pig." I glanced at her thinking about that before looking back at the screen.

The reporter lady looked confused _"Excuse me for asking Mr. Lightwood but what happened to your eldest son Alexander Lightwood running your company. A few years ago you announced that he would be your successor. What changed?"_ Robert's poker face faltered a little, you had to have a trained eye like me to see it but there was a look of disgust in his eyes. Was that look for his son? Who looked that way about their own child?

" _Alexander decided he wanted to pursue other… interests. Isabelle is fully capable of running my company."_ I looked at Isabelle and saw many emotions in her eyes. Sadness, guilt, hatred. Was it toward her brother or was it for someone else? It seemed directed at her father which made me wonder if there was more behind this story.

"You have your reporter face on Magnus. What are you seeing that no one else is seeing?" Camille asked glancing up at me. I looked back at her "There's more going on with this Alexander fellow. 'Pursuing other interests' I don't believe it for a second. There's more going on there you can see it in Isabelle Lightwoods eyes."

Camille let out a long exaggerated sigh "Magnus stop being such a nerd. I get it, you have a special eye for these things but you don't need to stick your nose in everyone's problems. Just leave it alone and become a fashion designer like everyone expected you to." I looked back at the TV "though I love fashion my heart belongs to revealing every ones secrets. After I'm done downtown I'll set my sights on the Lightwood family and getting the scoop on them for Valentine."

I spent two hours trying to hail a cab that would even consider going downtown. Most of the failed phone calls ended with some course words and them asking me if I'm crazy. I must have been crazy because I didn't see what all the fuss was about. Was I seriously the only person in New York who hasn't been downtown?

My parents weren't like most parents. They didn't care where I went or what I did, they just gave me money and told me to do what I wanted. They never took me downtown to scare me into handling money the right way.

Finally when tailing a cab became impossible I made arrangements for Valentine himself to take me. I was in a limo with him now looking around it suspiciously. "Should we really be this flashy? We're going downtown after all."

Valentine pushed over a suitcase to me "You're going to need this" he said not answering my question. I took it opening it up and stared down at the case full of hundred dollar bills "Why would I need this?" Valentine leaned back in the leather seat "You have to appear to be a rich man to get the vermin of the streets to talk to you. People who live here will do anything for money."

I frowned looking at him. I figured he wanted to find out the truth about these people but it seemed he was as narrow minded as the rest of them. "What am I looking for exactly Mr. Valentine?" He shrugged "A great reporter can go into a situation and get a great story without knowing what he's looking for. I'm expecting you to be able to do that for me."

I nodded closing the suitcase "Yes sir… do you know what happened to Alexander Lightwood?" That caught Valentine by surprise "what?" I shrugged "I saw the news the other night and Robert Lightwood named his daughter his successor but the reporter said Alexander was supposed to be. Do you know why he isn't?"

Valentine shook his head no "I stay out of Lightwood affairs." I watched him thinking before saying "If you approve of what I find down here I would like my next work to be finding out the Lightwoods secrets for you. They betrayed you so I think you should get even." Valentine met my eyes, a peek on interest in his own. "We'll see what you come up with before we go into next time."

I nodded and the limo stopped in front of a run-down building with bright florescent lights flicking on and off. "What's this place" I asked confused. Valentine shrugged "It's where you'll meet someone to talk to. I'm sure it won't be hard to find someone especially if you fling your money around." If there was one thing I was good at it was flinging money around.

I nodded thanking him before getting out of the limo looking around. The moment I stepped out of the safety of the limo I felt the full force of downtown. People wearing scraps of clothing lying in the street, a group of guys beating up a smaller guy across the street, and the sound of babies crying and couples screaming at each other filling the air. This was really far from what I expected, so far my friends were all right about this place.

I took a deep breath clinging to the suitcase before going inside the building. The inside wasn't as run-down as he outside. There were booths and tables full of people in all kinds of different clothes. You could tell who the rich were and who the poor were. The rich men and woman were in brand named suits and glamourous dresses. The poor were in dirty jeans, old holy clothes and dirty dresses.

"Can I help you sir?" A girl with dirty blond hair wearing a ripped up crop top and some black shorts walked up to me. I was sure she was a gorgeous girl once before life broke her down. Now her skin was covered in bruises from obvious needle injections and her teeth were rotting from chewing tobacco. "Yes um… I would like to have an audience with your number one guy here." Just because I was undercover didn't mean I couldn't get the best I could get.

She looked over my outfit questionably as if wondering if I could afford the best. I chose the wrong day to wear leather rainbow pants, a purple sequence unisex tang top, and my knee high boots. My make-up was a simple liquid eyeliner and I had glitter… well everywhere. The girls' eyes trailed over all of these things before her gaze stopped on the briefcase in my hand.

"Very well sir, come this way." She led me passed all of booths and chairs and into a room in the back. It must have been a private VIP room where the richest ones got alone time with the workers. The room was pretty cozy, there was a big plush booth covered in white fur and overhead were florescent lighting that could be dimmed if needed.

It wasn't hard to tell what happened in rooms like these. The girl pulled some wine out of the little frig in the corner before putting it on the little table in front of the booth. "He will be with you in a moment" She said putting down two glasses before walking out. I watched her before looking around the room again now feeling nervous.

I didn't know what to expect coming to a place like this but this is where Valentine said I would be able to talk to someone. I put the case on the table drumming my fingers on it nervously. All I had to do was give this person this money and pray to god that he lets me follow him around for a little while.

The door opened and my head shot up to see who was entering. I was surprised to see it was a boy about my age. I could have sworn it would have been some old man. He locked the door mumbling to himself and I couldn't help but smile at the fact that he had black hair.

Black hair was one of my must haves… well that and blue eyes. The boy turned to me smiling a dazzling smile but all I noticed was his gorgeous ocean blue eyes. I felt like I needed to be slapped out of a dream. It was so rare to find my special blend I loved so much.

The closest I ever came to it was my old friend Will Herondale. Sadly he ended up falling for his other friend Tessa Gray so that relationship was doomed from the start. But the fact that this blue eyed beauty was here meant he played for my team. It also meant he lived around here which wasn't as appealing.

"Um… Is something on my face" He asked wiping at his nose. I shook my head no "No sorry… you have amazing eyes." The boy smiled and walked over sitting next to me "Thank you sir, I could say the same about you. Gold and green isn't a normal eye color."

I smiled "I wear contacts… I like to look like a cat." The boy laughed and his laugh made his slightly dirty face brighten up "I love cats." He held out a hand to me "My name is Alec Lightwood." I frowned slightly, grabbing his hand shaking it. "Lightwood… like Alexander Lightwood?"

He frowned letting go of my hand "How do you know my name?" I dropped my hand shrugging "Your father is very well known… wait, why are you here?" Alec grabbed the wine starting to pour it into the glasses "I don't talk about my personal life sorry sir." "You can call me Magnus. Magnus Bane."

He handed me one of the glasses of wine "Well Magnus Bane what made you ask for me?" I shrugged "I asked for the best and they brought me you." He nodded "I'm the most recommended since I'm the youngest guy here." "And what is it you do here Alec?"

This time Alec smirked "You really can't tell?" I glanced around the room again before nodding "Yeah I can tell, it's not too hard to figure it out." Deciding that this conversation was taking an awkward turn I reached over for my suitcase "I have a job offer for you Alec, I would really like your help."

I opened the case revealing all of the money and Alec choked on his wine coughing roughly "That's a lot of money." I nodded "I need your assistance and I'm willing to give you all of this when it's over." Alec looked at the money in silence for a moment before looking at me "So you want my services?" I nodded "That's right."

He put his wine glass down before getting closer to me crawling into my lap "what 'services would you like?" I just stared at him stunned "Excuse me?" He looked into my eyes with intense blue ones. They had a glossy sheen over them as if he was high. Perhaps he was.

I put my hand on his shoulder pushing him slightly away "Wait Alexander that's not what I meant. I don't want to sleep with you." Alec blinked confused before moving back onto the couch "Then what do you want from me?" "I want to know what the average week for someone who lives downtown is. I want to maybe follow you around and take some mental notes."

He looked at me like I was crazy "you serious?" I nodded "completely." This couldn't have worked out any better. Alexander Lightwood was here downtown. If I could figure out how and why then I can tell Valentine and he can use the information to bring down Robert Lightwood.

Alec looked at his wine glass on the table thinking before looking over at the case of money. He drummed his fingers on his knees, fidgeting as he stared at it. He wanted that money and he wanted it bad. You could see it all over his face.

"Very well Magnus" Alec finally said looking back at me. "I'll let you follow me around but you might regret it. I don't intend to hold back my life style just to make you feel comfortable." I shook my head "I want you to be completely yourself as if I'm not even there."

Alec nodded reaching over for the money but I quickly closed the suitcase pulling it off the table "You'll get this once the week is over." I couldn't trust him not to run off with the money without holding his end of the bargain. Alec sighed at this but nodded "Whatever you say." He looked at the clock on the wall before standing up "if we aren't sleeping together then that means I can go home. My shift is pretty much over."

I stood up following him out of the room "Great, where are we going?" Alec stopped walking and looked back at me "I hope you don't think you're living with me." I frowned at that "That's part of the deal, I have to see where you live." Alec rolled his eyes at that "I'm not much of a roommate kind of guy."

He looked down at the suitcase of money in my hand before sighing again and starting to walk "You'll be sleeping on my couch got it?" I nodded following him "Of course." We made our way down the street and I tried not to look around at all the people sitting on the sidewalks. There really were a lot of homeless and they were all shaking and sickly.

"I would stop staring if I was you. They don't take kindly to rich guys looking at them." I looked at Alec frowning "You don't live on the street do you?" "I told you I have a couch didn't I? I was homeless once and I'm not going back."

I wanted to ask him why he was homeless and what had happened between him and his family but he already made it clear that he wasn't going to talk to me yet. Instead I asked "What did you do to stay warm when you lived on the street?" He glanced back at me before looking forward "I didn't do anything. The police and homeless shelter turned me away. They said I was young and the shelter were for the old people who couldn't handle the cold. Now a days though not even the old get brought in to the shelters. Everyone just lays on the sidewalk freezing to death. I would have died if I wasn't saved."

I frowned at that "Who saved you?" He shrugged "A good friend. I'm sure you'll meet him at some point but I don't feel comfortable telling you about him without his permission." We turned a corner and before I could ask any other questions we were stopped by two teens stepping in front of us.

It was a beautiful Asian girl with short bluish black hair and a guy with dreadlocks. Alec didn't even seem slightly surprised to see them "Lily, Eliot. Can I help you two?" The girl, lily, put her hands on her hips "Who do you think you are rejecting Raphael's offer like that Lightwood? You and Sebastian have some explaining to do."

I could feel my blood freeze under my skin. Of course I would get involved with someone involved with Raphael Santiago. Alec just calmly crossed his arms "I won't risk going to prison over your boss's stupid ideas. I have better things to do than spread drugs around for a mob boss."

"Better things to do?" Lily asked before her eyes went on me. She scaled my outfit before smirking "Is he what you're going to do?" "No!" I yelled not meaning to sound as offended but that's how it came out.

Elliot whistled before snickering "What's this Lightwood? Finally found someone who could resist your blue eyes? It's too bad he seems better than the old bastards I'm always seeing you with." Alec glared at them both "How about you both move along? Tell Raphael that Sebastian and I won't change our minds no matter how much money he throws at us."

They both glared back at him before turning and walking away. I watched them before looking at Alec "So you have some self-value after all." Alec looked back at me his blue eyes a blaze of fury "are you saying I have no self-worth?" I backed up slightly "Um well… you were ready to sleep with me for this money and you're letting me come home with you. That doesn't seem like self-worth to me."

Alec watched me for a moment before turning away continuing to walk "You're an ass." I hesitated before following him "I'm sorry you think so." Alec glanced back at me before looking ahead again "I don't need to be respected, I just need what I need to survive." I cocked my head to the side curious "And what is it you need to survive?"

He turned around smirking at me "A man in my bed and a buzz in my blood. Sex and drugs that's all." I frowned at that "That's surviving?" Alec shrugged turning around again and starting to walk "To me it is. I don't expect you to understand rich boy."

Alec walked up some old creaky stairs leading up to an apartment and I watched him before looking over the complex. The entire building looked like it could collapse at any moment. There were cracks in the exterior and loud arguing coming from other complexes. "Are you coming or not" Alec asked looking at me from the top of the stairs.

I nodded and quickly ran up the stairs and as I did my foot fell through the board making me scream out. Alec quickly grabbed my arm pulling me up off the staircase. "Damn you're annoying" He said before letting me go and pushing his door open going inside. "You don't need a key" I called after him, not having the guts to see the inside of the place yet.

"None of the locks work here. The neighbors are pretty chill about not going into other people's homes. Are you coming in or not?" I hesitated for a long moment before walking into the house, closing the door behind me.

The inside wasn't any better than the outside. The walls were cracking at every corner, yellowing from old age, and wallpaper hung off the walls showing the moldy wall behind it. I shuddered not able to help myself. This was just downright nasty.

Alec walked out of his bedroom holding a blanket and pillow "You will sleep here" He said dropping them on the floor next to the couch. I couldn't help the gasp of horror that escaped my mouth once I got sight of the couch. It was yellow and crusty from who knows what and springs were sticking out in every direction. "There's a metal shard that likes to poke your back so I would be careful of that" Alec said walking to the kitchen.

I looked at the couch again before looking at the floor "I think I'll sleep on the floor." Alec came back out with an open beer in his hand. He leaned on the wall shrugging "Sure if you're okay with the rats nesting in your pretty hair" He said before taking a drink. I quickly jumped onto the couch "Did you say rats?"

Alec smirked obviously amused by my horror "At night you can hear them running in the walls." "Knock It off" I whined hugging my knees. Alec rolled his eyes before chugging down his beer "I'm going to go to bed. We'll start your weird experiment tomorrow."

He walked into his bedroom slamming the door shut and I flinched slightly "Cranky" I mumbled before standing up to make up my bed. It seemed impossible to make this couch comfy even if I had a thousand blankets. Once I managed to shove down the springs I sat back on the couch looking around again. The coffee table caught my attention right away. There was the remains of something white and powdery scattered on it.

I thought back to when I first saw Alec. When he asked what was on his face he wiped his nose as if something would be there. He also sniffed a lot but I assumed he had a cold. Now it was obvious that he had been snorting cocaine.

I shook my head leaning my back against the back of the couch. He was such a beautiful man and he was wasting his life away sleeping with strangers and doing drugs. I laid down on the pillow letting out a long exhausted sigh. "This is going to be the longest week of my life."


	2. The Complicated Day

Chapter Two: The Complicated Day

Alec Pov- I stood in front of the couch watching Magnus sleep. Somehow he had managed to do it. No one has ever fallen asleep on that horrible couch but here he was snoring away as if he was on a normal bed.

I for one hadn't gotten any sleep at all. Once I went into my room last night I injected myself with my remaining heroin and laid in bed riding my high happily. I could never have good dreams sober and I rather be floating than sinking.

My front door slammed open as Sebastian ran in "Alec you will never guess what I got last night." The sound of the slamming door made Magnus wake up in a frenzy and roll off the couch hitting the floor hard. With how weak the floors are I'm shocked he didn't fall through them. "What did you get Sebastian" I sighed turning away from my house guest and sipping my coffee.

I made sure that when I got an apartment the first thing I got was a coffee maker. I couldn't live without the stuff. Sebastian looked at the floor "Who's your friend?" He asked observing him.

I shrugged "Some rich guy who wants to pay me to follow me around. Are you going to tell me what you got or not?" Sebastian smiled walking more into the house "Oh that's right. I got my hands on some crystal meth."

I gasped "You did not, that's pretty much impossible to get here." He smirked pulling it out of his pocket. Plain as day there it was looking at me. My entire body buzzed with excitement. I've never done meth before but I was told it was amazing. "Let's do it" I said excited.

"Wait just a minute" Magnus yelled standing up off the floor. He dusted himself off before making his way over to us "Meth is dangerous you can die from it." I rolled my eyes "Any drug can kill you." Sebastian glared at Magnus "Who is this colorful fool?"

Magnus looked insulted "I am not a fool." "You are colorful though" I said looking over his rainbow leather pants. He looked at himself before looking back at Sebastian "Meth is a horrible drug you shouldn't be messing with it. You're both young handsome boys do you know what that stuff will do to you?"

Sebastian grunted looking at me "Alec did you bring home one of those church people preaching about rehab and getting clean?" "I must have" I sighed needing another cup of coffee. I walked to the kitchen pouring more of the dark liquid into my mug "Listen Magnus I made it clear that if you were going to follow me around I wouldn't be changing myself to make you comfortable. You said you wanted me to be myself right?"

Magnus frowned nodding "Yes." I nodded "Then you can't tell me what I can and can't do. If I want to do meth I can damn well do it." I sighed "Sadly I don't have time today. I have a tight schedule."

I saw Magnus sigh with relief out of the corner of my eye and I really couldn't understand what his problem was. He didn't even know me. Sebastian shrugged "I can't promise there will be any left when you get back" Sebastian said heading for the door. "Wait" Magnus called out making Sebastian stop and look back at him.

Magnus looked him over for a long moment before asking "Are you a Morgenstern?" That made both of us flinch. Not only did he know about my family but he knew about Sebastian's? Who the hell was this guy?

Sebastian turned around "Why do you want to know?" Magnus shrugged hesitantly "You look a lot like your father Valentine." Before I could even comprehend what was happening Sebastian had Magnus pressed against the wall, his hand tight around his throat. "Sebastian stop it" I yelled not in the mood for this. If I lost all of that money because of him I would be beyond pissed.

Sebastian ignored me getting in Magnus's face "Keep my father's name out of your mouth. I don't want to ever hear you say it again am I understood?" Magnus gasped for air as Sebastian let him go and walked out of the apartment slamming the door shut behind him. I watched him frowning before looking at Magnus who was on the floor coughing, holding his throat.

"Are you okay" I asked kneeling down and touching his back. Magnus coughed a couple more times before looking up at me "He's crazy" He said in a raspy voice. I nodded "yeah he is so you really shouldn't mess with him. His father is a touchy subject."

Magnus composed himself before standing up "I'll keep that in mind for next time." I blinked surprised "You're not going to take your money and run?" He looked at me "Why would I do that?" I shrugged "You obviously don't like it here and you were almost killed. This is only your first day it gets worse from here. I don't want you to spend half a week with me then decide to chicken out. I don't appreciate being gipped Magnus."

"I'm not going anywhere" He said going into the kitchen. He grabbed a small cup and attempted to turn on the water but when he did brown mush came out instead. Magnus wrinkled his nose "What is this?" I sipped my coffee watching him "I don't really know for sure. Sebastian and I call it H2S."

Magnus blinked "I know it's a play on H2O but what does the S stand for?" I smiled against the rim of my coffee cup "the S stands for slime." That made Magnus laugh but it was short lived since his throat hurt from being choked. Magnus had an interesting laugh, it was one of those laughs that you put your heart and joy into. I don't remember the last time I laughed like that.

"So what's your busy schedule" Magnus asked pouring out the brown slime into the sink. I leaned on the wall going over my mental notes, which was a challenge in itself. Thanks to the drugs I have been piling into my system it has caused my thinking proses to be slower than usual. Listing things off was becoming hard. Remembering to do everything I need to do is even harder.

As if Magnus could sense this he changed the subject "Well I hope one of the things on that list is get breakfast. I'm starving." I shrugged "if you're willing to buy breakfast then I'm all for it." He brightened up at the possibility of food "Are there any good places around here?"

I thought about that before nodding "Yeah I think you might like my favorite place. It's not fancy but the food is really good." Magnus smiled grabbing a separate suitcase I didn't notice him having yesterday "great give me a half an hour to get ready and we can go." I looked at him shocked "A half an hour? You know how much I could get done in that time?"

Magnus shrugged going into my bedroom "Don't interrupt me and it will go by quickly." I gasped when he went into my room and I ran after him "Don't go in there." It was too late though. He was standing in the middle of my room looking at the piles of cigarette buds and empty syringes. There was also traces of white powder on my bedside table accompanied with a bottle of scotch and my pack of cigarettes.

Magnus was silent as his attention was pulled to the shattered glass scattered all over the floor leading up to a broken full length mirror. "What happened there" He asked not asking about anything else. I was thankful for that. "Um, when I was high once I had a violent outburst and I punched the mirror causing it to shatter."

I got like that sometimes, one minute I would be happy floating in the sky then before I knew it I would be throwing things and screaming. Cursing my parents and everyone else in the world who had ever rejected me. Magnus looked over at me with a pitying look in his eye that I couldn't stand. I really hated pity.

"What did your family do to you Alexander?" He asked softly catching me off guard a little. I stared at him before glaring at turning around so my back was to him "You have a half an hour or I leave without you. Don't keep me waiting to long." I said before leaving the room shutting the door behind me.

When Magnus finally came out of my room it was eleven thirty. He went from being a colorful rainbow to being a ray of red. His rainbow leather pants were replaced with red leather and his shirt was long sleeved and the same shade of red. He had on a black sparkly vest over it covered in zippers. I scaled down to his shoes, they were sequenced convers.

"Are you serious?" I asked looking at his gray eyeshadow. He blinked looking down at himself "is it not enough? I thought I would go simple." My eyes practically popped out of my head at this "You think this is simple?"

He looked like this was the simplest thing in the world "I didn't put the red streaks in my hair." "You could have done more?" "Should I have" he asked turning to go back into the room but I grabbed his arm stopping him. "Rule number one about living downtown Magnus, don't bring attention to yourself."

Magnus looked at me for a moment searching my eyes "well that must be hard for you." I blinked confused "What makes you say that?" He shrugged "You're just so handsome and you have the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen. How would you not turn heads when you walk by?"

I could feel my face get hot. I can't even remember the last time someone made me blush. "Well… you'd be wrong. I don't turn any heads and if you have ever seen my siblings you would see why."

"I have seen your sister and she's beautiful there's no denying it but you're gorgeous in your own way." The blush wouldn't leave my face and the warmth of it was just alien to me. "So… you said you had things to do" Magnus asked pulling me out of my head. "Oh um yeah let's go" I said letting go of Magnus's arm and walking out the door.

He followed me smiling "So did you figure out what you have to do?" I nodded pulling a piece of paper out of my pocket. Once I remembered all the things I had to do I made sure to write them down so I wouldn't forget. "I have to meet up with a couple of my friends for breakfast, they have been begging me to come out with them for a few weeks now and I can't hold it off any longer. After that I have to see one of my clients to get payment for our time together the other night."

"How much do you make with these clients" Magnus asked walking next to me. I looked at him before shoving my hands into the pockets of the hoodie I was wearing. "It depends on who I'm with and how rich they are. Most of the time it's fifty dollars an hour."

Magnus looked at me with a surprised face "Fifty dollars an hour? How many hours is that normally?" I looked away from him for some reason not wanting to see his face when I answered "Um well… again it depends. This customer is paying me Two hundred dollars."

I could feel the shock on him now "You were… 'With' this man for four hours?" He asked putting air quotes around the word with. I shrugged "I can go a long time when my partner is good. I have great stamina" That made Magnus shake his head in disbelief "Makes me wonder what you're like with your boyfriend."

I frowned at that "I wouldn't know, I've never had a boyfriend." It seemed I could do nothing but shock Magnus "You have never had a boyfriend before?" I shook my head no "Nope I have never had a boyfriend. The moment I came here I started sleeping with whoever I need to survive. I don't need a boyfriend though. Name one guy who would date me knowing everything they know about me?"

Magnus stayed quiet and I nodded "That's what I thought" I said walking into a run-down café. Magnus followed me looking around and I glanced back at him before I heard my friend Alain Penhallow's loud voice yelling "Alec get your sexy ass over here!" sighing I looked over at the table she was standing at. She was standing up waving me over and she stopped waving once she caught sight of Magnus.

"Who's your fabulous friend" She asked scaling Magnus's outfit with her eyes. Magnus smiled at her "I'm Magnus Bane." Her smile got wider as she looking him up and down "Alexander Lightwood did you finally find yourself a man?" Alain's girlfriend Hellen Blackthorn sipped at some tea smiling against her straw "He is very cute Alec. You picked a keeper."

"He's not my boyfriend" I whined sitting down in one of the chairs. Alain frowned "But you two look so cute together." Magnus smiled sitting down "Thank you darling but I'm afraid that's not the case. We are simply together on business… none sexual business."

I rolled my eyes at that before looking at Alain "Magnus these are my friends Alain Penhallow and Helen Blackthorn, they're a couple." That made Magnus smile "Is that right? Well you two are so cute together. How did you meet Alec?"

Alain laughed smiling "We met about a year ago when our dates wanted to have a drink together. Helen and I are sugar babies but at the time we were both in the closet so we weren't dating. Alec's man brought him to the bar and Alec actually drank so much be couldn't stop talking." I covered my face with my hands "Please stop." She didn't stop though.

"Alec is extremely blunt and honest, alcohol only intensifies that so he ended up telling his date that he was ugly and needed a breath mint. You can guess that the date did not end well. Helen and I excused ourselves from our date for we can take Alec home and before he went inside he told Helen and I that we looked cute together and we should just date already. We laughed it off at first but by time we got home we were making out."

Magnus smiled "So Alec's the reason you're together?" He lost his smile then "Wait you two are sugar babies? What's that?" Helen smiled "We go on dates with people and they buy us nice stuff. You would be surprised how many men like going on dates with lesbians."

He watched them thinking before looking at me "Why aren't you one of these sugar babies? It sounds better than sleeping around." I grunted out a sigh just picking up a menu looking through it. "He thinks that just letting guys give you things without you doing something in return is just pity." "I can get everything I need by myself."

Helen shrugged finishing her tea and she looked at me "I have been hearing some things about you and Sebastian Alec. I don't want to find out that you got killed by Raphael Santiago." I sighed at that putting down my menu "Does everyone know about that? You do one job for a mob boss and all of a sudden he thinks we will do anything for him. I can assure you Helen that I won't be having anything to do with Raphael Santiago."

Helen nodded "Good, if I find out you're lying I'll kill you myself. I'm tired of Sebastian Morgenstern pulling you into trouble." Magnus rubbed his throat "yeah that guy looked like the definition of trouble. Was he a drug dealer? Is that how he got hold of that meth?"

Helen and Alain both gasped the same way I did before. "He got his hands on meth? That's impossible even for the really good dealers." It really was impossible to get meth around here.

"Don't tell me you two lovely ladies do drugs as well" Magnus asked frowning. "Oh god no" Alain said scrunching her nose "We would never be involved in such horrible activity… no offense Alec." "None taken" I mumbled irritably. Helen looked at me "You realize that to get those kind of drugs Sebastian would have gone uptown."

We all stayed quiet at that and Magnus looked at us all before looking at me "What's so bad about going uptown?" I sighed leaning back into my chair "Have you ever seen anyone from here in your town Magnus?" He thought for a long moment before shaking his head no "No… I have never seen anyone from here before yesterday or at least I don't think I have."

"Believe me Magnus if you did you would now. There's a huge difference as you have already seen. The only people who can get into uptown unseen are sugar babies or companions. Sebastian is a companion so he could easily put on all the nice things his customers bought him and go uptown without anyone bating an eye."

Alain nodded "Only the high end dealers have things like Meth. It's the only way he could have gotten it." The waiter walked up to us asking what we wanted and I ordered half the menu before letting everyone else order. Once the waiter walked away Magnus looked at me shocked "For such a skinny guy you sure can eat."

I shrugged "I haven't had a meal in a week so if I have the chance to get a full stomach I will get one." Magnus frowned "A whole week?" I shrugged "I went a whole month without eating once so a week is nothing." That made Magnus frown more, once again looking at me with pity in his eyes. "Oh Alexander…" I put my hand up "don't even start."

Alain and Helen looked at each before looking back at me smirking their evil taunting smiles "Ohhhh Alexander~" I could feel myself blush again. Where was all of this blushing coming from?! "I keep telling you that we are not a couple and we won't be a couple. This is a business arrangement and nothing else."

Alain smiled at this "You really need a boyfriend Alec. Sleeping with someone you love is way better than being with strangers. You should try it."

I glanced at Magnus "Do you see what you have started? Stop being so… friendly. And stop calling me Alexander will you? That was the old me, Alexander Lightwood is gone and will stay gone."

Magnus frowned again "I really want to know why that's the case." "Well it's none of your business Magnus!" I yelled making the entire café go quiet. I cleared my throat before looking at him "Please just leave it alone."

Magnus nodded looking at his hands and chipping at his nail polish. I watched him before looking at Alain who had a 'look what you did' look on her face. The look didn't help the guilt I was already starting to feel. Seriously, when was the last time I felt guilty?

I stopped feeling these things long ago. The drugs were supposed to take all those things away. Maybe my gaps of time between taking them is making them less effective. "Look Magnus I'm sorry for snapping at you… it's just hard for me to talk about the past. I like to look to the future."

Magnus was quiet for a long moment before looking at me "Tell me Alec, is a life of drugs and prostitution a future worth looking to?" I met his eyes, staring at him even when our food got put down in front of us. Magnus stared back at me his eyes not wavering for a moment. "Well would you look at that, our breakfast is here" Alain announced feeling the awkward tension in the air. I cleared my throat and sniffed slightly before pulling a plate of eggs my way.

Magnus Pov- I watch Alec pretty much inhale his food. It was as if he went months without eating. Then again, he pretty much said that he goes long periods of time without eating. The thought of that made me sad. He would starve himself for days on end but wouldn't let himself go without getting high.

I looked around the café seeing that most of the people around us were pretty much doing the same thing. They shoveled food down like they won't get a chance to eat for a very long time. You could also tell most of these people also abused drugs. All of this eating could very well be a side effect of all those drugs.

"This is so good" Alec sighed after chugging down a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup. It was only noon but Alec had ordered things from all over the menu. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He already went through three plates of eggs, French toast, an Italian sub, and now a bowl of soup.

He still had a steak, chicken and dumplings, and lamb left to finish. Alec pulled the lamb to him licking his lips "Time for my favorite." That peeked my interest "You're favorite food's lamb?" Alec just nodded digging into the lamb.

It was an interesting little fact but it wasn't something I could write a paper on. 'Extra, extra, read all about it! Boy likes lamb!' yeah no one would read that.

Sighing I looked around the room again wondering what it would take for me to get Alec Lightwood to tell me his deepest darkest secrets. Sure I could take some pictures of Alec passed out on the floor high off his ass and it would be a scoop on the Lightwoods but I needed more than that. I needed to know why he was put here and why his family is just letting him rot away to nothing. "Aren't you going to eat Magnus" Alain asked staring at me.

I looked at her and her eyes were intense and dark. She looked like a mamma lion protecting her cub. Maybe she figured out what I was trying to do. I smiled at her before starting to eat my breakfast deciding I needed to stay cautious around her.

"Where are you from Magnus" Alain asked not letting it drop. I shrugged "I'm from uptown naturally. My parents are fashion designers." Helen was the one to chime in this time "We are aware of what the Bane family does. What is it that you yourself do?"

These two were definitely getting suspicious of me. "I'm also a fashion designer, isn't it obvious by the fabulous way I dress?" This made Alain smile "I can't argue with that. You do seem to have interesting tastes in clothing."

I brushed invisible dust off my vest "I can't help but be fabulous." This made Alec snort "Is that the word you use?" I looked at him greatly offended "You don't like the way I dress?" He pushed the now empty plate away and pulled over the steak "Not when it makes everyone stare at us as we walk by. Seriously I don't like people looking at me."

This made me roll my eyes "Maybe you just never noticed it. I told you before that you're gorgeous and you definitely turn heads as you walk by." Alec glared at me leaning in closer "And I keep telling you that I'm not anything special."

I glared back at him leaning in closer to him so we were inches apart "Do you not own a mirror? Oh wait I forgot it was shattered to a thousand pieces." "It's my mirror I can do whatever the hell I want with it." I opened my mouth to argue back but stopped when I glanced over at Alain and Helen who were both staring at us looking shocked.

Alec must have noticed because he looked at them as well "what are you two staring at?" Helen lowered the soup spoon she was holding up to her mouth "You should see the way you two look into each other's eyes. Those are eyes of love." We both moved away from each other as fast as possible and Alec turned his body from me hiding his eyes in his hair.

"Sorry love is the last thing that was. We pretty much can't stand each other" I said. Alain smiled "You call that hatred I call it sexual tension." Alec looked at her "The last thing I have is sexual tension."

I leaned back in my chair "Yeah because you give yourself to anyone who throws money your way." I said a little bit too loud. The entire café went silent, staring at us awkwardly and Alec looked around before standing up and shoving the table making our plates go crashing to the ground breaking. I looked at the plates shocked before looking at him.

"You can keep your shitty money" He said coldly before turning and walking out of the café. I watched him still beyond shocked before looking at Alain and Hellen. They both just frowned at me "Not cool man" Alain said standing up and going after him. I stood up going to go after him as well but Helen stood up and grabbed my arm stopping me "give him time to cool down."

I looked at her "I went too far, I shouldn't have said that. It was way out of line." "It was very out of line. You know nothing about Alec so you have no right to judge him or the choices he makes."

I frowned at that. I really did know nothing about Alec and saying things like that wasn't giving him reason to trust me with his secrets. A man came out of the back room walking up to us "I hope you know you're paying for all of this damage." I looked at him frowning before reaching into my pocket and pulling out some money that I brought along with me. There was no way that I was going to use Valentines money or make Alec have to pay for this.

"Will this be enough?" I asked putting two hundred dollars in his hand. He looked at it a little shocked before nodding numbly "Plenty." I nodded before looking back at Hellen "When should I talk to Alexander?"

She sighed grabbing her purse "Give it some time Magnus. You want to spend time with people downtown correct? Spend some time with me and then talk to Alec tonight." I looked at the door thinking before nodding "sounds like a plan."

Alec Pov- I walked out of the café fuming with fury. How could he say something like that and in front of all those people? I stopped on the sidewalk closing my eyes trying to steady my breathing. Okay, he wasn't far from the mark. Sure I do sleep with anyone who pays me and I don't have many standards but that doesn't mean he has the right to judge me.

"Alec wait up" Alain yelled running after me. She stopped next to me catching her breath before putting her hand on my shoulder "Alec that's no way to treat a situation like that. You owe the Taki's owner an apology." I sighed running my hand through my hair "I know… I just got so angry. Why would he say something like that? Uptown people are just so judgmental."

Alain nodded "They are but we're also judgmental of them. You can't blame Magnus for speaking out loud what he sees." I frowned slightly before looking at her "Does everyone 'see' me like that? Am I just the guy who sleeps with everyone?"

She glanced away keeping quiet and I nodded "I see… well I'm sorry you all feel that way." She quickly grabbed my arm "Alec you know we see so much more than what you're forced to do. A lot of people respect you." I gave her an 'I don't believe you' face and she frowned rubbing my arm "Alec… the people who know why you do what you do respect you. You have a past, you have a story-"

"Everyone here has a past Alain. I'm just another dead beat who got dropped here by my parents. I'm not the only one with that story. Hell you have the same story."

She was abandoned by her parents too because of who her mother was. Her father had an affair with a prostitute and she was born from it. Her mother died from aids and her father took care of her for a while but the more his family rejected her the more her father did too and finally he dropped her completely. "Everyone has a story Alain. Mine is just a chapter in a really big sad book."

I pulled away from her and walked down the street needing to get away from everyone. Once I turned the corner I started running just wanting to get the rest of my jobs done so I could go home.

I walked into the hotel I woke up in the other night looking around for the man I slept with. I was starting to get to the point where I didn't even remember their faces. Maybe I never looked at their faces to begin with. Not really anyway. When was the last time I looked at someone with sober eyes?

"Where have you been? I have been waiting here for the past thirty minutes." My customer said walking up to me crossing his arms. I looked at him frowning feeling like I have seen him before.

It was dark the night before when we got together and I was as high as a kite so I didn't notice before but now it was crystal clear. He had brown curly hair and a square jaw that I have seen before in pictures my father had hidden in the attic. "I'm sorry I'm late sir… wait. Aren't you Michael Wayland?"

The man flinched slightly, looking at me "I didn't think you remembered me. You were three when you met me." I sat down on one of the lobby couches "I don't remember you personally but I remember pictures. You are… used to be my fathers' best friend."

He sat down to frowning "I'm not anymore." I always wondered why they never stayed friends. When I found the pictures and asked father about it he always told me it was nothing and I needed to leave it alone. I knew deep down though that it was far from nothing.

"Why aren't you friends anymore?" Michael glanced away sadly "it's complicated." I looked into his sad brown eyes and all I could see was the remains of a broken heart. "You knew I was Roberts son right? Why did you still sleep with me knowing that? I was never told that you were gay."

He glanced at me "No one really knows. Well no one but your father that is." That made me frown. Was his sexuality the reason why they weren't friends anymore?

I leaned into the couch forcing myself to think about the other night when we were together. It's all of a haze, and I barely remember but I recall him calling a name while he was fucking me. It was… it was Robert. I looked at him again shocked putting all the puzzle pieces together.

"You accepted me because I look like my father. You're in love with my father." Michael looked me in the eye for the first time since I showed up and those eyes told the whole story. I could see it now as if I was watching a movie.

He told my father how he felt for him and got rejected. He didn't just lose the one he loved, he also lost his best friend. "I'll be honest I felt guilty for using you like that Alexander. Especially with the position you're in living down here."

I let out a broken chuckle shaking my head slightly "You don't have to worry Mr. Wayland. Everyone uses me I'm very used to it by now. I'm glad I could help you in some way deal with the pain of losing your love." The look of pity was in his eyes, oh how I hated that look.

"I lost my friend but you lost everything. Your home, your family, and even your friends. You were forced to run away here with nothing but the clothes on your back."

I ran my hand through my hair trying to stop my hands from shaking. I didn't like thinking about all of that and I was starting to feel the lack of heroin in my system. "Please don't pity me Mr. Wayland. I really can't stand it."

Michael looked me over before sitting up straight "That's the Lightwood blood in you. None of you ever want to look weak or be looked down on. I can help you Alec, asking for my help doesn't make you weak. I can take you in and get you into an amazing rehab center. I could help you get clean."

I closed my eyes smiling at the thought. Going home, getting my life back together. It was something I always dreamed of. I still dreamed of it sometimes but I know better than to hope.

"Thank you Mr. Wayland but It's too late for me. I'm too far gone." He watched me a moment longer before pulling out a business card and holding it out to me. "If you ever change your mind or need someone to talk to you can call me. I'll always be there to help you Alec."

I stared at the card in his hand for a moment before hesitantly taking it. "I doubt I will use it but thank you. May I also have my payment for the other night?" He nodded and pulled that out of his pocket as well handing it to me. I took the money a lot quicker than I took the card.

"If you ever need my help to get over my father again, you know where to find me" I said standing up. Michael stood up shaking his head no "I wouldn't feel right using Roberts' child like that again. Then I really would be disgusting." I flinched at his words and met his eyes one more time "Is that what he called you? He said you were disgusting?"

He frowned at me once again only this time there wasn't pity in his eyes. It was sadness for my father, sadness for me, and the grief of both of us being hurt by the man who meant the most to us. "Love is like a fire Alexander. It can be a small everlasting flame or it can become a wildfire destroying everything in its wake."

He walked up to me putting his hand on my shoulder "Don't be a wild fire Alec. The world around you is beautiful if you choose to stop and look at it. Don't destroy it." I just watched him not sure how to answer to that and he smiled at me sadly before walking out of the hotel.

I watched him go, my hands shaking badly from everything that just happened. I wasn't the only person my father so carelessly threw away. He had a best friend, a friend he admitted he cared for more than anyone in the world and he threw him away because he liked guys. Because he was in love with him and my father didn't know how to take it.

The thought of their doomed love made me think of Jace and all the years I spent pining over him. It was a phase, just a small crush I had that never turned into anything. Michael loved my father, he had a crush but he never got over it like I did. My father was it for him, he was the one and to not have the one you love, love you back? That must be the most agonizing feeling in the world.

I crouched down hugging myself starting to hyperventilate. All of this was too much, all this crushing truth about my father and the way he treated his best friend. What he thought of him, what he thought of me. I couldn't get it out of my head.

All I kept hearing over and over again was 'disgusting, disgusting, disgusting'. My father thought I was disgusting and if he seen how I lived my life now he would know he's right. I am disgusting everything about me is. Magnus was right about me, my father was right about me. Everything about me is just… Just disgusting.

Magnus Pov- I sat on the wooden steps of the apartment waiting for Alec to come home so we could talk about what happened at the Café. I really crossed the line with what I said to him. He was just doing what he needed to survive he had no choice.

I looked up at the sky thinking about Robert Lightwood and what he could have possibly done to make Alec live this way. The Lightwoods were perfect, the Lightwoods did no wrong. They did wrong when they stole Valentines Company yet they still got praised for that. I wonder if people uptown found out what Robert did, and is still doing to Alec then they would see what a snake he really is.

Maybe they wouldn't give a damn because no one cares about people down here. Once you go downtown it's like you died. No one uptown speaks of you and you're never seen or heard from again. I wonder if ratting out Robert Lightwood would help Alec in any way.

Maybe someone would help him get on his feet and go to college. I doubted there was a college downtown.

I sighed shaking my head before looking at my watch seeing it was almost midnight. I had spent the day with Helen and Alain after Alec stormed the café. They showed me around downtown and told me all the best places to go for getting the best drugs. Even when you didn't do drugs here it was still good to know where to get them in case you need them for medical reasons.

There also weren't any doctors' downtown. They had to go to the free clinic where they mostly get tested for aids and sexual diseases. According to Alain the doctors who do work there don't really care about your health. They just do simple tests and send you away.

The clinic made me think of Catarina and how when she first became a nurse she told me that she wanted to help everyone no matter who it was or what was wrong with them. When did that fire burn out of her? When did she start becoming like everyone else and seeing the down towners as if they were already dead?

The sound of a trash can being knocked over and some loud slurred cursing pulled me out of my thoughts of my friend. I looked over where the sound was coming from and stood up quickly seeing it was Alec. "Alexander you're finally home. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Alec wobbled back and forth and he looked at me with hazy eyes. He stared at me for a good four minutes before started to giggle. I never thought I would see Alec Lightwood giggle. He pointed to me saying "You're super sparkly."

I looked at my sparkly vest before looking back at him "Um… thank you?" He looked me over again before just busting out laughing leaning against the wooden staircase. "Just so sparkly, you're like a fairy. You going to come save me like Cinderella fairy?"

He started laughing again and I frowned watching him "Alexander?" I put my hands on his shoulders looking into his eyes and they were completely red. "Did you snort cocaine" I asked astounded. He giggled again sliding onto the ground "You bet your ass I did."

He moved his hand around like it was a paper plane "Made all my troubles fly away like this." He went back to laughing but this time it was super loud. Some of his neighbors looked out their windows telling him to shut the fuck up and he stood up pointing at them "Why don't you come down here and make me?" That was my cue to do something. "No please don't that's okay" I told the neighbor before looking at Alexander "you need to be quiet."

He made an irritated noise with his mouth "Please those dicks keep me up all night with their bickering." He looked at the neighbors window "She's cheating on you, get over it already you big baby!" I quickly picked Alec up, throwing him over my shoulder and I started climbing the stairs. "Okay, lets' get you to bed before you get the living snot beat out of you." Alec giggled again now and held his arms up straight "Look at me! I'm flying, I'm so high in the sky!"

"You're high alright" I mumbled pushing his front door opened and quickly kicking it closed. The moment we got inside Alec stopped laughing and punched me in the back. "Put me down" he said irritably. I looked at him before shrugging and dropping him on the ground making him groan at the impact and roll around whining.

I put my hands on my hips watching him "What the hell is your problem? Did my comment really bother you so much that you had to get high as a kite?" Alec didn't answer me. Instead he crawled to his kitchen whining "I'm hungry."

Once in the kitchen he managed to force himself up to his feet and look inside his frig. The inside of his frig was a poor sight to see. There wasn't even any light or cold coming from it, just some spoiled milk and an expired yogurt. Alec stared at the nothingness for a few moments before slamming his frig door shut and kicking it hard "Stupid frig!"

I leaned in the doorway watching him "It's not the refrigerators fault that you have no food." Alec glared at me with reddish, intense blue eyes "How about you shut the fuck up!" Giddy laughing Alec was all gone. Now he was just a heaping mess of hate.

I thought back to my health class a couple years ago when we learned about the tell tail signs someone is high. Alec was showing high alert symptoms. Inability to focus, inappropriate laughter, and mood swings. A part of me didn't want to believe Alec was a hard core druggie but this only confirms it.

"Alexander… I think you should lay down." "Well I think you need to stop calling me by that name. Who even said you could call me Alexander in the first place huh?" I sighed at this "it's your real name."

He walked up to me and shoved me slightly. "I hate it, I hate that name, I hate the people who gave me that name, and I hate you!" He shoved me again before putting his hands over his mouth having a coughing fit. I frowned watching him going to put my hand on his shoulder but he just smacked it away "Don't touch me" He said in between coughs.

He knelt down coughing some more and when he looked up blood started trickling down his nose. "Oh Alec" I said softly before running to the kitchen to get a cloth. Once I grabbed one I got to his level pressing it to his nose. "Look up okay?"

He shoved the cloth as he looked away whining "Nooo leave me alone already. Just go away." I frowned down at him "Alec I can't do that. Please let me help you."

He looked at me and his eyes were intense again. "Help me? Help me? You want to help me Magnus?" He was back to being angry.

He stood up almost falling over but he caught himself "You want to help me that's funny." He laughed walking around his apartment before he grabbed a decent looking glass vase and threw it at me. I dunk quickly and it hit the wall behind me shattering into shards. I looked at the glass before looking back at Alec.

"You want to help me Magnus Bane? No one can help me, why would they want to anyway? No one loves me. No one cares what happens to me so why should you? Why are you pretending to give a damn huh?!"

He started laughing again and he ran his hand through his now sweaty hair "God this is all so annoying." His laughter faded into hysterical crying and he slid onto the floor curling up into a ball and just letting it all out. He whaled so loudly it was as if he was trying to make sure god could hear him. As if all of uptown could hear him, and his family could feel the pain they inflicted on him.

"Why? Why? Why?" He cried clinging to himself, starting to shake violently. All I could do was stare at him. How could I help him when he was like this? I didn't know how.

Alec turned around showing his back to me making his phone fall out of his pocket. I looked down at his phone thinking before reaching down and picking it up going into his room with it. I closed the door wondering who I should call. I thought of Sebastian but something told me he wouldn't be a lot of help in this situation.

I would call Alain and Helen but they both were on a date and they said they turn their phones off on dates. I opened Alec's phone going to the contact list and the first number I see on speed dial is labeled Jace. It didn't take me long to figure out who that might be. Jace Herondale Lightwood. He was the adoptive son of the Lightwood family it became a huge thing.

Without taking any longer to think it over I pushed the speed dial button and put the phone to my ear. It rang once and immediately he answered. "Alec? Thank god you're alright you haven't called me in days."

"This isn't Alec, this is his friend Magnus." The other end was dead quiet and for a moment I thought he had hung up. "Is he… Is Alec dead?" "No! No that's not it at all."

"Thank god" He said softly, relief dripping in his voice. I looked at the door frowning. "Alec is extremely high right now and is having an emotional breakdown. I panicked I didn't really know who to call."

There was another long moment of silence before he said "Put me on the phone with him." Not wasting any time I walked out of the room and up to Alexander. He was now laying on his back looking up at the ceiling with a dazed look in his eyes. Tears were still flowing down his face though, breaking my heart.

I knelt down to his side and put the phone to his ear. He listened for a moment before sitting up fast taking the phone. "Jace? Jace is that you?"

He listened in silence for a few moments before more tears spilled out of Alec's eyes. "Oh Jace I miss you so much. I know you must find me disgusting like everyone else but I love you so much. You and Isabelle both are my brother and sister and I love you so much."

I could hear the love he had for them in his words. It was maybe the most honest thing he had ever said. Alec listened to Jace before shaking his head no "Jace I can't do that… I can't live without it." Jace must have asked him to give up on the drugs. I wonder how many times that plea has fallen on deaf ears.

"You can't come here Jace it's too dangerous… no you can't" he yelled, a big brother tone coming into his voice. He laid back on the floor shaking, and he started crying again. "I want to see you too, more then you will ever know. I love you so much."

Watching Alec pour his heart out to his brother somehow was more heartbreaking than watching him fall apart. There was raw pain in his voice when he said he loved him. Something obviously happened between them and it killed Alec inside. Alec hung up the phone letting it drop from his hand before he looked over at me.

"Thank you… for calling him." He closed his eyes laying his head back. "You must really love your brother huh" I asked watching him. He let out a broken laugh/sob before saying "I was madly in love with him. He couldn't accept my feelings but he never stopped loving me."

I looked at him stunned by his honesty. Was I really finally going to get the inside scoop? Taking advantage of him seemed wrong but this could be my only chance. "Is that why you're here? Because you were in love with your brother?"

He shook his head no laughing darkly "My father disowned me when he found out I'm gay." There it was, the big scoop I needed. Robert Lightwood just named his daughter his successor but as Camille mentioned it was a power move to make it seem like he wasn't sexist. That made him look good but if they find out that the truth is that his first choice turned out to be gay. Not only will that make it look like he's settling but it will also prove he's sexist and homophobic. It's the perfect thing to bring down his business.

"Magnus?" Alec asked softly pulling me out of my thoughts and making me look at him. He looked at me and his eyes were soft like a sad child's. He was free from all of his guards and walls. All that remained were the drugs and the broken soul that lied underneath them.

The site of Alec like that, looking sad and alone made my heart break even more. "Do you think I'm disgusting?" I was shocked by this question. Sure he did a lot of things I didn't approve of but I have never thought he was disgusting.

I crawled over to him and pulled him into my arms hugging him tight "No. I have never thought that and I will never think it." Alec looked up at me before leaning into my chest embracing my warmth. "I don't want to die alone."

I rubbed his head holding him tighter frowning "Oh Alexander, I hope you never have to." Alec closed his eyes frowning, a single tear falling from his cheek as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.


	3. Complicated Conflicts

**SO Thank you for the Guest who reviewed this story and said it made you cry until dehydration. I love that my writing was able to touch you in such a way and I hope I can continue to entertain you all. I love reviews and will love anyone who leaves me some :)**

Chapter Three: Complicated Conflicts

Alec Pov- I opened my eyes looking around my bedroom wondering how I even got there in the first place. After I left Michael Wayland I used the money he gave me to score some coke. I went into an ally and injected it into my arm. Then I went to a bar and drank myself into blackness.

I knew mixing drugs and alcohol wasn't the best idea but I really needed to stop thinking about my father and what he thought of his best friend. Now somehow I was in my room laying in my bed safe and sound. "Did I manage to walk home" I asked myself turning around to face the wall. The moment I finished turning my face was inches away from a sleeping Magnus.

I screamed quickly sitting up and falling off my bed hitting the floor hard. Magnus sat up quickly from hearing the loud crash and he looked around before looking down at me. "Alec why are you on the floor?" I sat up glaring at him "Why are you in my bed?"

He sighed running his hand through his messy hair. "You came home completely high as fuck, and you kept screaming at me before breaking down crying. I had to call your brother just to have you calm down." I flinched before getting on the bed "You called Jace!?"

He rolled his eyes "I didn't know who to call or how to help you so I called him. I gave you the phone and you just kept telling him how much you love him and your sister." I shook my head "I didn't want him to ever hear me when I was like that." Magnus just shrugged "maybe you shouldn't be like that at all. Watching you last night was painful Alexander."

I glared at him "Who cares what you think? You don't know what I go through so you can just stay out of it." Magnus frowned thinking before reaching over and grabbing my hand "I do care Alec, last night you told me that you don't want to die alone. If you keep doing what you're doing then you will die alone and I don't want that for you."

I met his eyes watching them intensely "I said that to you?" He nodded "You really did." I watched him a little longer wondering what to say to that but I was saved by the doorbell ringing. Magnus blinked looking out my bedroom door "You have a doorbell?"

I nodded standing up "I forgot about it since everyone I know usually just walks into my home." I walked out of the room going to the door and when I answered it I was struck frozen seeing the face of my brother Jace. "Jace! What are you doing here?"

He shrugged coming inside "You told me not to come but I didn't listen." "How did you even find out where I live?" he looked around my apartment with disapproval "That's an interesting story actually. I asked a guy on the street where I could find Alec Lightwood and he directed me to this shady brothel."

I frowned "He did?" He nodded "So I asked the owner where I could find you and she said it was your day off. She gave me your address without even knowing who I was, I could have been a creep she didn't care. Before I left she told me that you would like a pretty boy like me and we would, and I quote 'Have a lot of hot fun together'. Care to tell me why she got that impression?"

"Um… want some lemonade?" "You don't have lemonade" Magnus mumbled and I sent him a death glare. "You know I hate when you avoid my questions Alec. What have you been up to since coming here? I know from our phone call that you have a drug problem so I know everything's not fine like you told me before."

I sighed "Jace you need to go home. You don't belong here and if dad finds out you're here he will lose it." "Like I give a crap what dad says? I lost my respect for him when he disowned you and forced you to come here."

I looked at Magnus wondering what he would say about that but he just shrugged "You told me this last night in your hysteria." "Of course I did" I sighed looking back at Jace "Look I'm not the person I was when I lived uptown. I'm a downtown guy now. I do what I want and don't have to listen to what anyone else says."

Jace frowned at this "But that's not you. Isabelle and I do what we want and you keep us out of trouble and do the right thing." I sighed closing my eyes "Jace… things down here are different. I had to be different to survive here. I met amazing people and they helped me."

"Helped you what? Become a drug addict and a prostitute?" "I am not an addict" I argued but it sounded like a lie even in my own ears. I knew I was an addict there was no denying that but I didn't have to admit it to them.

"By what I heard last night on the phone I'm going to say that's denial. You were an emotional mess" Jace accused crossing his arms. He looked at Magnus "Tell me I'm wrong." I looked at him too "Yeah Magnus tell him he's wrong."

Magnus watched me before glancing at my bedroom. It was only a quick glance but I caught it and sadly Jace caught it as well. He dropped his duffle bag on the ground before making his way to my room. "Jace wait!" I yelled watching him before punching Magnus in the arm. "Why would you do that?"

Magnus rubbed his arm "I didn't do anything." I rolled my eyes and ran to my room where Jace was examining all of my empty injection shots. "There's over twenty shots here Alec." I bit my lip "There not all mine…"

"Well I'll make a bet that most of these are yours. Who is this 'friend' who is making you act this way?" "That friend would be me" Sebastian said leaning on the doorframe of my room. I sighed putting my hand over my face. The last thing I needed was for Jace to see Sebastian.

Jace turned to look at him and was shocked "Jonathan Morgenstern?" "It's Sebastian. Why are you here Jace Herondale?" Jace didn't answer him he just looked back at me.

"How could you be friends as someone like him? He's crazy we both were there the day he flipped out at his father's party." "You don't know what you're talking about so shut up" Sebastian yelled getting in his face. I got between them pushing them away from each other. "How about we take a step back for a moment?"

Jace looked at me with cold golden eyes "This isn't you. This isn't my brother or my best friend. I don't like what this place has done to you and I'm not leaving here without you. I will stay here as long as it takes for you to come back with me."

"Like he could do that. Your father won't let him come back and you know it" Sebastian retorted making me sighed loudly. "Sebastian I can handle this." I turned to face Jace putting my hands on his shoulders "Jace I can't go home. There's nothing for me there."

He smacked my hands away "There's me and Isabelle. Don't bother telling me that you would have nowhere to go because I talked to Michael Wayland yesterday." That made my body stiffen "What did he tell you?" I asked hoping he kept out the part of us sleeping together.

"He said that he seen you yesterday and that he offered to take you in and also pay for rehab." "That would be so great for you Alexander" Magnus said softly. I looked at Magnus almost forgetting he was even here. Sebastian gagged "Oh please Alec doesn't need the charity. He is doing amazing on his own."

Jace glared daggers at Sebastian "He's abusing drugs and sleeping with strangers!" "He's making a living!" Sebastian yelled back and I let out a yell of my own that made everyone become quiet. "I can't do this right now!"

I looked at Jace again pleadingly "Jace you have to go home please. If something were to happen to you here I would never be able to live with myself. You wouldn't survive a day here." Jace crossed his arms and now had that stubborn grin on his face that I really couldn't stand. "I'm not going anywhere as long as you're here."

I looked at Magnus fuming with rage "This is why I didn't want him to know the truth. Why the hell did you have to call him?" Magnus put his hands on his hips "I believe last night you thanked me for calling him." I grabbed my hair wanting to pull it out "I obviously wasn't in my right mind!"

It was Jace's turn to put his hands on Alec's arms. "You're going to blow a gasket Alec. Try to calm down." I closed my eyes for a moment before doing calm breathing "You're right."

Magnus seemed shocked at how fast I calmed down which wasn't surprising. Jace has always been able to stop me from over reacting and blowing my top. No matter how much I didn't want to admit it I was glad Jace was here. I missed him so much and I miss, Isabelle as well.

"How is Isabelle doing?" Jace frowned at the mention of our sister "She's still not happy with our father for sending you away. He has made her the head of his company and she's furious." "Isabelle never wanted anything to do with the company though. That was always… my dream."

Jace nodded "He asked me first if I would run it but I refused. I refuse to live out your dream." I let out a dry chuckle "That's so you Jace." I sat on my bed moving one of the empty syringes back and forth with my foot.

"I don't even know if that really was my dream. I guess I just wanted father to be proud of me like he used to be. If I ran his company then he might respect me again." "But he stole that company from Valentine" Magnus chimed in before glancing at Sebastian hesitantly.

Sebastian had told Magnus to keep his father's name out of his mouth but this time he didn't seem bothered by it. "I think my father deserved what he got." "What makes you say that" Magnus asked looking at him. Sebastian didn't answer; he just looked over at Alec "I have a date to get to, I came over because I wanted to borrow one of your sweaters."

That made me look at him suspiciously "You hate my sweaters. Why would you even consider borrowing one?" He shrugged "I figured if I dressed like I lived in a dumpster it would make my date spend more money on me out of pity." I picked up my favorite sweater hugging it tight to my chest as if it was my wounded child "How dare you say that about my sweaters."

Magnus looked at the sweater like it was a dead bug on the bottom of his shoe "What is that hideous heap of fabric?" I glared at him "My favorite sweater Magnus." Magnus looked at it before sighing "It's okay, it's not your fault you have no choice but to wear holy fraying sweaters. You can't afford anything better."

There was a long awkward silence and Jace smirked slightly "Actually he's had that sweater for six years. Most of his sweaters he has owned even before living here." That just made Magnus look shocked "Why would you do that?" I glared at him "You insult my way of life, call my brother causing him to come here, and now you're insulting my sweaters? I really don't like you."

I grabbed another sweater and shoved in to Sebastian's chest before walking out of the room. "I have work to do and I want to go alone. Magnus make sure Jace stays here where it's safe." I walked out of the apartment slamming the door closed behind me.

Magnus Pov- Jace waited for Sebastian to leave before turning to me. "Come on I want to take a look around. I need to investigate this town and see what else Alec's been keeping from me." "He told me to keep you here where it's safe."

Jace crossed his arms looking me over "Why are you even here Magnus Bane? I highly doubt your parents disowned you or sent you down here to scare you." "I wanted to see if it was really so bad here. So far it's worse than I ever imagined."

Jace stared at me for a moment before turning and walking out of Alecs' room going into his living room. "I'm leaving with or without you." Sighing I left the room following him outside "Alexander won't be happy about this." Jace stopped walking looking back at me "Do you get away with calling him that?"

I blinked confused "calling him what?" "Alexander, Alec hates being called that from anyone besides our parents. Even more so now that our parents hurt him so bad." I shrugged "He yelled at me last night about it and sure he looks a little uncomfortable when I say it but I love the tint of red that appears on his cheeks when I say it."

I don't even know if Alexander noticed it himself but every time I called him by his full name he would blush. Alec looks super cute when he's blushing. I closed my eyes shaking that thought out of my head. I can't think Alec is cute it will interfere with my work and make me second guess everything.

"Do you want to date Alec or something" Jace asked raising an eyebrow. I shook my head no "I'm just working with Alec on a project nothing more." He shrugged and walked down the street forcing me to follow him. "It's so dirty here" Jace said looking around frowning.

He looked over at one of the homeless but I quickly grabbed his arm making him look at me instead. "Alec told me not to look at the homeless, I rather not get stabbed because of a misunderstanding." Jace rolled his eyes at this "I'm sure Alec told you all that to scare you." I let go of his arm frowning "no I think he was serious, there are some shady people around here."

Jace looked around before smiling seeing a rundown bar "let's go in here, with all the stress Alec has put me through I need a drink." To be honest I really needed a drink too. These passed couple days have been the hardest of my life. "Fine but we can't stay in here long. If Alec comes home and you aren't there he'll stab me with a butcher knife."

Jace sighed walking across the street "I want to say that Alec wouldn't do that but it seems I don't know my best friend anymore." We walked straight to the bar and bought a few shots before bringing them over to a table in an isolated corner of the room. "Can you inform me more on what happened between Alec and his family? He told me that they disowned him and he was once in love with you." I winced once I was done talking, hoping that Jace was aware that Alec once held a torch for him.

Jace didn't seem surprised by this though. "I can't tell you anything you didn't already know. I knew all along that Alec liked me like that but I never let it affect our relationship. When I was adopted by the Lightwoods Alec was the first to make me feel at home, which was interesting because Alec absolutely hates change. He accepted me though and we hit it off right away."

He grabbed one of the shots and chugged it down before looking at his empty shot glass sadly "the day Alec got thrown out… I was completely blind sighted. It was the only time I ever seen Alec cry. Robert threw him out locking the door and Alec kept slamming his fist on the door crying, begging to be let back in. Robert locked Isabelle and I in our rooms until Alec finally left. He went missing for a whole month before I finally got a phone call from him."

I listened trying to imagine Alec begging for acceptance. I couldn't imagine Alec Lightwood begging for anything. He seems like such a strong independent guy who hated looking weak but at the same time he let Downtown beat him into the ground. "Do you really think Downtown changed him?"

Jace clenched onto his shot glass frowning. "the guy I seen this morning… that isn't my best friend. I don't know how to deal with this version of him. He seems even more stubborn than me and that's really saying something."

I drank one of my shots before frowning at Jace. "I'm sorry but I don't think you'll be able to convince Alec to come home. He's too proud to admit he needs help. He won't accept it from anyone."

Jace shook his head "Robert made him feel like he wasn't worth the trouble. Alec feels unneeded now and that's far from the case. Isabelle and I need him along with our little brother Max." I frowned at this news "Max?"

Jace bit his lip slightly, knowing he just said something he wasn't supposed to. "We… we have a little brother named Max. He's only nine but he's the smartest, brightest kid I've ever known." "From what I know about Robert Lightwood he would just kill to have a son like that. How come I've never heard about him till now?"

Jace drank another shot "Max is sickly, the lightwoods can't look weak. Alec hasn't seen Max in three years." That made me frown "but Alec has only lived here for two years right?" Jace nodded "yes but Max lived with his grandparents for a year because when Alec came out his parents thought it would be best to not have Max by him. They didn't want Alecs… preferences to rub off on him."

I slammed my fist on the table standing up "that way of thinking is outrageous." Jace nodded looking up at me "I agree but it was out of our control." I noticed people staring at us now so I quickly sat down embarrassed. I finished our last shot before clearing my throat "maybe we should head ba-"I got cut off by Jace shoving me into a booth not too far from us. He squeezed in too before looking over the booth.

"What are you doing" I hissed not liking being shoved. "Alec is here" Jace whispered getting lower. I looked at him before looking over the booth with him scanning the room for Alexander. Like Jace said he was indeed here and he was with a man half his age.

Jace crinkled his nose in distaste "that guy looks older than his parents." "I'm guessing in his early fifties" I mumbled looking over the man. He had silver hair with random patches of gray mixed in. His suit was designer meaning he was from uptown and he obviously had no respect for personal space. He kept touching Alec on the shoulder, on the waist, and around him neck.

Jace sat up more so he can see better and he growled when the man put his arm around Alecs' waist. "Jace, Alec can't know you're here" I whispered. My warning fell on deaf ears though as Jace stood up and walked over to the bar. Alec was fake laughing at something the guy said and his laughter died when he seen Jace standing behind him.

"What are you doing here Jace" Alec asked in a friendly tone of voice but you could hear all the anger he was trying to control. The man with Alec turned around and smiled looking Jace over with his eyes. This only seemed to make Jace even angrier "The better question is why you are here?" "I'm on a date" Alec said through clenched teeth.

"Its fine Alec, if your friend wants to join us I don't mind, he's very handsome" he said reaching out to touch Jaces' face. Jace backed up glaring at the guy "Don't touch me creep." The man frowned at that comment "well aren't you rude?" Alec sighed standing up "I'm sorry about him. I should take him home."

Alec started pushing Jace to the door but his date grabbed his arm painfully pulling him back to him. "I already paid ahead of time. You're not just going to walk away like that. Who do you think you are?" The entire bar went quiet and all eyes were on them wondering what will happen.

"How about you let him go" Jace said glaring at the guy. He had his hands clenched tight as if he was resisting the urge to kill the guy. The guy glared back at Jace, just making his grip on Alec get tighter. This made Alec close his eyes in pain.

"How about you mind your own business kid. I paid to fuck this guy and that's what I'm going to do." Alec looked away from Jace, looking ashamed but Jace wasn't looking at Alec. He was staring intensely at the man. "You have three seconds to let go of my brother or I'll kill you" Jace said in sounding like he meant it.

This just made the guy laugh and tug Alec into his arms. "Oh please, this boy is nothing but a homeless rat living in the gutter. He thrives on being with people like me." The guy leaned down kissing Alecs neck and that was the last straw.

Jaces fist flew so fast it was a blur in the air. I was able to see it though as his fist collided with Alecs dates face sending him falling to the ground. I quickly stood up and ran over to Alec grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the bar. Jace quickly followed holding his fist cursing under his breath.

Once we were a block away Alec pulled his arm out of my grasp, stopping in place. Jace and I both had to skid to a stop before looking back at him. "How could you do that Jace? I told you to stay home and now I'm going to get in trouble with my boss."

"Who gives a fuck about your boss? Alec do you not see how much of a creep that guy was? The way he handled you wasn't okay." Alec closed his eyes hugging himself "Jace every guy I see is like that. I'm used to it and can handle myself."

"Are you crazy" Jace screamed making me put my hand on his shoulder to silence him. "Jace calm down, we don't want to bring attention to ourselves." Jace smacked my hand back with a bloody hand "stay out of this Magnus." Alec looked at Jace's hand frowning before reaching out and grabbing it "Is this your blood?"

Jace pulled his hand away "No it's that creeps blood. Why are you with people like that Alec? This is far from who you are and it's far from okay. This place changed you."

Alec frowned glancing away "I know… that's why you need to go home. I don't want anything to happen to you." He turned his back to us "I have to go apologize to my customer." "Why should you apologize to him" I asked frowning.

Alec looked back at me "he paid my boss already. If I don't go through with it the company will get crap for it and I won't get paid for days. I might even get fired and I can't let that happen." "You shouldn't be working there at all" Jace yelled.

"You don't understand Jace so just shut the hell up" Alec yelled back. Yelling at his siblings must not have been something Alec normally did because Jace was frozen in shock. His shocked face soon turned to disgust "are you trying to drive me away? It's not going to work so just stop it."

Alec turned to face him "Go. Home. Jace" he said with clenched teeth. Jace crossed his arms "I'll go back to the apartment but I'm not going home." He turned walking in the direction of the apartment and I watched him before looking at Alec.

Alec backed up to a wall before sliding down to the ground running his hands through his hair. His eyes were wide and his breathing quickened to a dangerous rate. Frowning I got to his level grabbing his arms and pulling them away from his head "Alec calm down. You're having a panic attack."

Alec wasn't listening to me though. He looked down gasping for air and crying shakenly. "I… I can't…. I can't bre-"he gasped again trying to breath but he couldn't. I grabbed his face forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"Alexander you need to calm down right now and take deep breaths." He gasped a couple more times, tears dripping from his eyes and landing on my thumbs. The gasping stopped and regular breaths took their place. I smiled caressing his cheek "There you go Alexander."

Alec stared into my eyes breathing before leaning forward and hiding his face in my neck. "I can't let him stay here. He'll be killed and it will be all my fault." I wrapped my arm around him holding him close while I used my free hand to stroke his hair. "That won't happen Alec."

He let me hold him for a little bit before sighing and sitting up straight "you don't know that for sure Magnus. Jace is reckless and doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He'll get in a lot of trouble and he's already getting me in trouble." "He does seem to have a big mouth" I agreed.

Alec met my eyes again frowning "having him here is just reminding me of the life I could have had. I'm trying to remake myself and start over but the universe isn't letting me. First it sends me you, who is constantly interested in my past and now they send Jace. It's ridiculous."

I couldn't help but laugh at that comment "yeah it is a little ridiculous." I reached over grabbing his hand "tell me Alec, you say you want to start over and be someone new but do you even like this version of you?" Alec frowned looking at me "What?" I shrugged "you can't be happy sleeping with old men and getting high all the time. You obviously want more."

"I can't have more Magnus. You and Jace just don't understand and I don't think you ever will." He pulled his hand away before standing up. "I have to go see my boss. I'm sure the guy went back and got a refund."

I stood up frowning "Can I go with you? You might need someone there to protect you if that guy is there." He shook his head no "Please go to the apartment and make sure Jace actually got there. I would be happy if you could keep him there this time."

"Hey he's a stubborn guy" I pointed out crossing my arms. Alec nodded "Believe me I know. Please just keep him occupied so he doesn't get bored and wander again." I nodded sighing before turning and heading toward the apartment like he asked.

Alec Pov- The moment I walked into work everyone's eyes were on me meaning they all already knew what happened. Even if the guy for some reason wouldn't report it back to my boss she still would have figured it out. News travels fast around here especially when there's fighting involved. I ignored everyone, heading to the back to talk to the boss.

I knocked on the door and didn't even have to announce myself. "Come in Alec" the boss said already knowing it would be me at her door. I walked in looking at the beautiful red head sitting at her desk doing paperwork. "Miss Seelie I need to tell you what happened."

She held up her hand not looking up from her paper work "I don't want to hear excuses Alec." She pointed to the chair in front of her desk "sit." I did as she said frowning "I really am sorry." She finally looked up at me "Alec you have been having a lot of complaints."

That shocked me "what? But this is my first incident." She pulled a file out of a drawer before throwing it onto the desk. "Your customers haven't been satisfied lately. They all say you're so doped up on drugs it's like they're sleeping with a rag doll. You aren't very attentive and you zone out."

I bit my lip looking through the file. There were over ten unsatisfied customers. "I wasn't aware that I was doing that." She folded her hands on the desk watching me "I like you Alec you know I do but I can't overlook all these problems. You're on probation until I say otherwise and half your customers have been referred to Mark Blackthorn."

I stood up outraged "Mark Blackthorn! He's a child he only just started working here." "Sit down Alec" she said warningly. I sat down frowning "You can't be serious."

Miss Seelie leaned back in her chair "Mark may be young but he's full of potential. This is a cruel business Alec, one day you're in and the next you're out. Two years ago you came to me and I hired you because you were new and young. You aren't new anymore Alec."

I frowned "What are you saying?" she shrugged going back to her paperwork "I'm saying don't be surprised if after a year or so you stop getting requests. You were popular for a while but your ruin is coming to an end. You might want to start looking for new work."

"This is all I have" I said softly, looking at my clenched hands in my lap. She shrugged "life is hard Alec. I have to stay with what gets us customers and right now that's Mark Blackthorn. He's new, skilled, and frankly more attractive than you."

I wanted to tell her she was wrong but she was far from it. Mark Blackthorn really was a handsome guy. He had pale blonde hair and was in pretty good shape. His winning point though went to his eyes. Unlike my normal blue eyes he has one blue and one gold.

"Your customer almost sued us in case you wanted to know. If Mark didn't step in I don't know what we would have done. If I get any more complaints I won't have any choice but to fire you. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded standing up "I hear you crystal clear ma'am." She nodded "good now get out of my office." I walked out of her office closing the door behind me before sighing. "I'm fucked."

I started heading for the door just wanting to go home and shoot up but I stopped when I heard a familiar voice chuckling next to me. I glanced over to the booth closest to the door and let out a long sigh seeing Raphael Santiago sitting there. "Are you stalking me now? Leave me alone."

"Now Alec you don't have to be so snooty. I just wanted to have a chat with you is all" Raphael said moving over to make room for me. I was expecting Lilly or Elliot to be sitting on the other side of him but instead it was a boy with messy brown hair and glasses. He was wearing a _Star Wars_ shirt and had his arms wrapped around Raphael's arm in an affectionate way.

I finally gave in and sat down not taking my eyes off the new boy "who's your friend Raphael?" Raphael smiled "not that it's any of your business but this is my boyfriend Simon Lewis. We met uptown a few weeks ago and he decided to come Downtown with me." "Romantic" I said sarcastically.

"Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that your popularity is plummeting at a fast rate. If only there was a job for you that would pay you handsomely." I rolled my eyes at this "Nothing you can say is going to make me join your mafia group. Why do you even want me anyway?"

He put his free arm around me "I want the best of the best on me team Alec. Don't think I haven't paid attention to your family over the years. You are very smart and would have made an amazing CEO for Light Co. Your father was a fool for letting you waist away to nothing here."

"What are you getting at Santiago" I asked losing my patients. "What I'm getting at is that you are a bright boy Alec. You can help me take my business to new heights." There was something unsettling about a fifteen year old calling me a 'boy'. "You serious?"

Simon was the next one to speak "I think you should take his offer into consideration. From what it sounds like you're going to be out of a job in a year or less. Winter is coming and it's not kind." I bit my lip not wanting to think about the harsh winter coming our way.

"I can assure you both that I am still in high demand and I am far from being out of it." I stood up frowning "now if you'll excuse me I have a lot to do today." I headed for the door again and Raphael laughed saying "denial will only get you so far. You need me Alec lightwood."

I opened the door and glanced back at him for a moment before shaking my head and leaving. Even thinking about joining Raphael for a second was suicide. I just couldn't understand what it was that he wanted with me. What was so great about me that he would go through all this trouble?

"Alec!" I turned around hearing Aline yell for me from behind. She ran to me out of breath "I heard about what happened to the bar and I was rushing to your apartment to see if you're ok." I frowned "Has everyone already heard about it?" She nodded frowning "afraid so."

I sighed shaking my head and started heading home "of course they all know. Where's Helen?" Aline followed me shoving a piece of gum in her mouth "She's on a date by herself. I'm waiting for her to get done so we can go on a date together."

"At least someone's having a good day. What are you doing for your date?" She smiled "well actually we were hoping it could be a big group date. Maybe bring Magnus and even Sebastian if he feels like coming."

I was shocked at this "you hate Sebastian." She nodded "I do but I would like as many people as possible on this date for we don't stand out." The more she talked the worse it sounded. "What is this date Aline?"

She grabbed my hand "Helen and I are dressing up in our best clothes and going uptown for some fun. I want you and anyone else you can think of to come with us." I yanked my hand out of hers and looked at her like she was crazy. "I will not be going anywhere near uptown."

"Come on Alec, you can call your siblings and have them meet us. I know how much you miss them and I know you miss uptown too. It's only one night what's the harm?"

"The harm is a lot of things can go wrong Aline. We can get caught and thrown in jail not to mention I have no money." "Helen and I want to pay for everything. We just got a big check from one of our dates and we want to have some fun before winter comes."

I frowned thinking about winter and the trouble it will bring everyone. All the rich go to warm places and all the dealers leave for the warmth of the indoors. Maybe there was no point in worrying about getting fired or not being wanted next year. There's a huge possibility that I'll die this winter.

"I don't have anything nice to wear to go uptown" I pointed out starting to walk again. She smiled seeing my wall was cracking and she linked her arm with mine as we walked. "You can borrow clothes from Sebastian. He has a lot of nice shirts and jeans."

I thought it over seeing that I had no more excuses as to why I can't go. Finally I gave in "fine if that's what you want then I'll go with you uptown tonight. Magnus and Jace will be able to keep us out of trouble… or at least Magnus will." Aline smiled "so you'll call your brother?"

I frowned "Actually Jace is here in downtown." Aline stopped in front of the apartment steps frowning "Oh Alec this is no place for him." I nodded "I keep telling him that but he won't listen to anything I have to say. He won't go home without me."

She was silent for a moment before saying "Alec I think you should consider his offer." I just stared at the ground not looking at her or responding. She put her hand on my shoulder "Alec this is a horrible winter coming… I don't know if you'll survive." "It doesn't matter if I do or not" I said softly making her gasp.

I glanced at her "I don't belong in that world anymore Aline. I can go over there and pretend tonight but I can't do it forever. The old me, is gone and this is who I am now." I looked at my shaking hand "no one can really love me like this."

"Maybe Magnus can" Aline said softly. That only made a dry laugh escape my lips "I am far from anything someone like Magnus Bane will ever want. I'm his project and nothing more. Once his experiment is done he'll give me that money and I'll be able to live off it for the winter."

Aline just frowned staying quiet and I glanced at her before walking up the steps to my apartment. Once inside I was surprised to see Jace attempting to clean my place. He would soon have to learn that this feat is impossible for I have tried many a time. "Jace there's really no point in what you're doing" I said watching him try to fix the light in the refrigerator.

He stood up straight frowning "how can you stand living here? There's a family of mice living under your sink." I nodded grabbing a water bottle out of the refrigerator "I like to think of it as their little house." Magnus just shuddered most likely remembering my comment about the mice nesting in his hair.

Aline smiled at Jace looking him up and down "So you're the famous Jace that I have heard so much about." Jace smiled "guilty as charged, and you're the girl that I've heard absolutely nothing about." I rolled my eyes at this "I have told you about Aline and Helen Jace." He crossed his arms "but how am I supposed to know anything you said on the phone is true."

I nodded "Okay I deserved that one. I've never lied to you about Aline and Helen they really are as cool as I told you." Jace smiled at Aline shaking her hand "it's a pleasure to meet you." She smiled "right back at you."

I sat on my couch next to Magnus "So we're all going uptown tonight" I said making Jace and Magnus both stare at me in shock. "You're coming home with me" Jace asked excited but I shook my head no. "Aline wants to go somewhere fun so I said I would go. It's only for one night."

Magnus smiled looking excited "finally I get to dress up to my full potential." I frowned at this piece of information "what do you mean full potential?" The way he dressed was outrageous enough yet Magnus said himself that he considered it low key. God only knows what he wears when he wants to be noticed.

"I'm also inviting Sebastian" I announced making them both look less happy. "Jonathan Morgenstern shouldn't be anywhere near uptown" Jace said crossing his arms. I rolled my eyes "he likes to be called Sebastian and he will behave himself as long as he's with me." "I still say don't invite him" said Jace sitting on the floor.

"I have to borrow clothes from him anyway so he will find out one way or another. It's best to invite him instead of having him invite himself." Aline nodded "agreed." Magnus sighed "fine if we must bring him along then make sure he's under control."

I raised an eyebrow at him "Believe me, I get the feeling like I'll have to keep all of you under control." That made everyone laugh but I wasn't joking. None of the people in this room are good at not getting in trouble. "Everything will be fine Alec" Aline reassured me. I couldn't help but feel like this was going to be far from fine.


	4. The Complicated Night

**This is sort of a short chapter but I hope you all enjoy. get ready for some feels. Please review and tell me what you think :)**

It's Complicated Chapter four: The Complicated Night

Alec Pov- "Your hair is impossible Alec" Aline complained as she took a comb through my hair to make it look presentable. "Maybe because he never brushes it" Helen said observing from my bed. I rolled my eyes getting more and more annoyed "can we please stop?" Aline sighed dropping the comb onto my dresser "fine, I just wanted to make you look good."

I got out of the chair making my way to my closet "just because we're going uptown doesn't mean I have to change every little thing about myself." I pulled out one of my sweaters and the moment I did Helen stood up and pulled it out of my hands. "No sweaters. Sebastian is bringing you some of his clothes."

"I don't want to dress like Sebastian" I said simply, crossing my arms. Aline shrugged "You could always dress like Magnus." I frowned looking out my door at Magnus who was dressed in in leather pants, a sequence unisex top, and a leather jacket. He completed the look with silver boots and a sparkly scarf.

"I don't think I'll be doing that ever" I said watching Magnus sit down and start applying makeup. He used liquid eyeliner to give himself a 'cat eye' as he called it and he used many shades of gray to make a 'shadow eye.' The cat eye eyeliner just made his cat eye contacts look more intense. "He really knows how to pull a look together" Aline said watching him as well.

Helen shrugged putting my sweater back in my closet "just suck up your pride and let us make you look good Alec. You lived uptown so you know what they expect you to wear." Jace walked into the room wearing nice jeans and a white button up shirt with a black suit jacket over it. "You're not ready yet Alec?"

I rolled my eyes before looking him over "why are you dressed so nice? Why are you all dressed so nice?" I asked looking around at everyone. I figured we would go somewhere small, get something to eat, and maybe go dancing. The way they were all dressed though said something completely different.

Jace smiled "we're going to your favorite restaurant and then we're going to crash a party." My jaw dropped in shock "we can't do that Jace. Everyone knows me at that restaurant and we can't just go to an uptown party. What if my parents were there?"

"I called Isabelle and she told me that both your parents went out of town for the night. She made us all a reservation and she's going to meet us at the restaurant." I felt a ping of excitement in my chest "we're going to see Isabelle?" He nodded smiling "she wouldn't take no for an answer."

I smiled happy I'll be able to see my sister after two long years. "Where is Sebastian with your clothes" Aline asked walking out of the room with Helen. Jace turned to follow them but I grabbed his arm "I need to ask you something." Jace faced me smiling "sure what's up?"

"You told me about what Isabelle's been up to but you haven't said anything about Max." Jace lost his smile at the mention of Max. "Alec… Max-""Sebastian is finally here and he has your outfit for tonight Alec" Aline said walking into the room. She pushed Jace out of the room smiling "get out so we can get Alec ready for a night on the town."

Jace walked out of the room and I frowned watching him. "Aline we were having an important talk." She grabbed the outfit from Sebastian before shutting the door "oh well, we have a deadline to meet." She shoved the outfit to my chest smiling "now get dressed."

Magnus Pov- I finished applying my makeup wondering if going uptown was a good idea or not. It sounded fun at first but the more I thought about it the worst I felt. Everyone in uptown knows who I am because they know who my parents are. They also know who Alec is.

What will people think when they see Alec all of a sudden after two years of missing? Not just Alec but everyone else too. Aline got sent downtown because her father couldn't raise her anymore, Helen and her brother came here because their trying to raise money for all their brothers and sisters, and who knows why the hell Sebastian came here. People will notice all these missing people showing up all of a sudden.

Jace walked out of Alec's room and leaned on the wall looking lost in thought. I turned in my chair looking at him "what's wrong with you?" He glanced at me "Alec asked about Max." I blinked confused "okay, why is that a bad thing?" He opened his mouth to answer but stayed quiet as Alec walked out of his room.

I looked over at Alec and couldn't help but stare at him. He was absolutely stunning wearing nice jeans, an ocean blue button up shirt, and a black over coat left unbuttoned. "Wow Alexander, you look stunning. That color of blue compliments your eyes amazingly."

Alecs' cheeks changed from pale to a shade of red before he looked away "oh please. It's just clothes there's no need to be so dramatic." I smiled shaking my head "whatever you say Alec." Sebastian walked up to Alec grabbing the edges of his jacket and straightening them "I told you you'd look good in this."

Aline smiled looking satisfied with herself "I even managed to brush his hair." Alec rolled his eyes "we should head out if we're going to get uptown by time of the reservation." Everyone nodded and headed to the door where a limo was waiting outside for us. Alec glared at Jace who just shrugged and walked over to it "A taxi wouldn't come down here so I had no choice."

Alec rubbed his temples before climbing into the limo "what part of not standing out do you and Magnus have such a hard time grasping?" I laughed getting in and sitting next to Alec "Oh come on Alec. Have a little fun." Jace snorted "Alec doesn't know how to have fun."

Aline and Helen got in sitting across from us and Sebastian was the last to get in, closing the door behind him. "I do hope this will be worth my time." Jace glared at him "you could always stay behind. I really don't see why you had to come."

Sebastian smirked "Alec asked me to come and as his best friend I couldn't refuse." This seemed to make Jace even angrier "I'm Alec's best friend." Alec rolled his eyes before laying his head on the window closing his eyes. "This is going to be a very long night isn't it?"

I couldn't help but smile at Alec's irritation. He was really cute when he was annoyed. "I'm sure you will have tons of fun tonight Alexander. Try not to order everything on the menu though alright" I joked trying to lighten his mood.

He glanced at me before a small smile appeared on his face. I smiled back at him before looking out the window. It took about ten minutes to get uptown and once the limo stopped in front of the restaurant everyone piled out. Jace tipped the Limo driver before getting out and smiling at us all "you all ready to have some uptown fun?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes "let's just go inside." Aline nodded linking her arm with Helens and heading to the front entrance "I agree, I'm starving." Jace shook his head following them and Sebastian inside. I went to follow but stopped when I noticed Alec wasn't coming.

I looked back at him seeing him look up at the building lost in thought. "What's the matter Alec" I asked walking up to him. He blinked as if he didn't know he zoned out and he looked at me "I was just remembering the last time I was here. It was for my eighteenth birthday."

He looked down at his feet "The day after my birthday I told my parents I wasn't going to pretend to not be gay anymore. Eating here with my family is the last happy memory I have." I frowned watching him before reaching out and grabbing his hand. He looked at our hands before looking up at me, meeting my eyes with his.

"Are you worried something will happen to ruin that memory?" He frowned and shrugged glancing away. "I'm afraid I'll get a taste of uptown and lose my mind. I don't like thinking about the life I used to have."

"It's just one night Alexander. There's no harm in letting yourself have fun for once." He looked at me again like he was considering doing as I said. "Alec" a female voice called from further away.

Alec flinched and his body tensed as he turned to see who called him. His body relaxed when he seen his sister running down the sidewalk to get to them. Isabelle Lightwood shoved pasted a couple as she made her way to us and when she was closer she threw herself at Alec giving him a bear hug. Alec hugged her back picking her up smiling "Isabelle, I missed you so much."

I could see the pure joy on Alec's face as he hugged his sister for the first time in two years. It was just like the night Alec was crying to Jace telling him how much he loved them. Alec holds a special place in his heart for his siblings and it must kill him every moment he's away from them. I could only imagine what his reunion with Max would be like.

Alec let Isabelle go and he cupped her face in his hands looking her over "You've grown up so much." She smiled wiping the tears from her eyes. Something told me she wasn't usually the crying type. "You haven't changed at all Alec. You look even better than usual."

Alecs' smile fell slightly but he quickly recovered before Isabelle could notice "yeah I've been doing great. I have a great paying job and my own apartment." I frowned at Alec not liking that he was lying to her. He obviously didn't want her to know the truth but lying wasn't right.

"I wanted to go with Jace when he said he was going to visit you but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't tell me anything." Alec looked relieved that Jace kept the phone call to himself. "Downtown is no place for you Isabelle. You're going to own Fathers Company and someone there might kidnap you and send some kind of ransom to father."

Isabelle crossed her arms "I can handle myself thank you very much. Besides couldn't the same thing happen to you?" Alec shook his head "they know I'm useless to our father." There was an awkward silence between them and I decided to step in.

"I think that we should head inside" I said looking between them. Isabelle looked at me confused "Why are you here Magnus Bane?" I shrugged smiling "Alec and I are friends." Alecs' face looked as if the last thing he wanted was to be considered my friend.

Isabelle looked between us before crossing her arms "I know what's going on here." Alec flinched looking at her "you do?" She nodded putting her hands on her hips "Yes I do. You really thought you could keep something like this from me?"

I raised an eyebrow knowing she couldn't possibly know about Alecs' and I's business arrangement. "I don't think we're on the same page" Alec said coming to the same conclusion I did. Isabelle shook her head smiling before throwing her arms around Alec giggling like a little girl. "Magnus is your boyfriend" she cheered excitedly.

Alecs' face turned bright red and he grabbed his sisters' arms detaching them from around his neck "n-no that's not it at all" Alec stuttered. I was very amused by his reaction. The last time we were accused of being a couple we both bit off Alines' head. Now Alec was blushing and stuttering as if he still hated the idea of it but he hated it a little less.

Isabelle pouted "but you two look cute together." I smiled at her "Thanks for the compliment darling but I'm afraid the two of us are just friends." She looked between us having a thinking face on before shrugging and grabbing Alecs' arm "let's go inside." Alec nodded "I can't wait for you to meet Aline and Helen."

We went inside and as we made our way to the table I looked around at the familiar restaurant I've been going to all my life. It was made up of high ceilings with chandeliers hanging all around. The tables were round and scattered everywhere all covered in clean white table clothes. This was one of those places that had different utensils for different foods and you had to know things like which fork is a salad fork and what spoon is a soup spoon.

"I don't remember this place being so over whelming" Alec said looking around frowning. I looked at him before looking around all the other diners. As Alec passed tables people would watch him and start whispering among each other. I could hear them all as I walked by.

"That's Alec Lightwood right? I heard he went into the army" one girl whispered to her friend. "Well I heard he ran away from home and went downtown to join the mob" a boy said watching Alec. Another girl looked at them bored "I thought he died."

I glanced back at her wanting to keep listening and the guy shook his head no "you're thinking of the other Lightwood." I blinked confused at this. What Lightwood were they talking about? "Magnus come on you're getting left behind" Aline yelled from the table she stood at.

The other diners looked at her whispering something about her needing to mind her manners. It wasn't hard for me to see that downtowners didn't really care about 'minding their manners.' I walked over to the table sitting between Aline and Alec. "I see this place so differently now" I said glancing around at the people staring at us.

Alec glanced around frowning "I told you people would notice that we're not from here." Sebastian rolled his eyes "Oh who cares what people around here think. We have a right to be here" Isabelle looked at Sebastian just noticing him here and she looked at Jace shocked. Jace just nodded as if saying 'yeah I know right?'

I wanted to ask Jace or Isabelle about what the guy at the other table was talking about when he said there was a dead Lightwood. It could just be a rumor along with all the other ones made about the Lightwoods. Maybe there was no point in even bringing it up but it felt important. I couldn't ask around Alec though.

Alec grabbed the menu looking through the meals. "I can't even afford to get a glass of water here let alone dinner." Aline smiled "Helen and I got you covered Alec don't worry about a thing." He looked like he wasn't comfortable with his friends paying for him but he didn't say anything against it.

"We should order the duck" Aline announced. Alec and Isabelle both said no together before looking at Jace. Jace shuddered shaking his head "we will not be having the duck." I blinked confused "What's so bad about the duck?"

Alec leaned in whispering in my ear "Jace is terrified of ducks. When he was little he was chased by one and it was pretty traumatizing for him. He won't even eat duck." I shook my head thinking that was crazy.

"Alecs' favorite food is lamb right? How about we order that" I suggested seeing it on the menu. Alec looked at me a bit off guard "how do you know my favorite food?" I smiled "I remember it from when we went to breakfast the other day."

Alec blushed again before looking away looking at his menu "Lamb sounds good." Helen smiled "then it's decided." She waved down the waiter and ordered the lamb.

After dinner we got back into the limo and drove to a huge building that I've never been to before. It was right in the middle of uptown and according to Jace it's where all the richest parties are thrown. My parents didn't like throwing parties and we never really attended them either so it was no surprise that I didn't know this building. "We can't go in there Jace" Alec protested crossing his arms.

Jace looked at him smiling "Oh come on Alec. Isabelle and I were invited to this party and we're allowed to invite friends." "Whose party is this anyway" Aline asked looking super excited to go to a rich party. "It's James Carstairs birthday." I frowned looking back at the building.

Tessa was friends with James Carstairs, though I'm sure she calls him Jem instead. The story of Tessa and Jem was actually an interesting one. She was in a love triangle between him and his best friend William Herondale. I glanced at Jace wondering if he knew Will since they were part of the same family.

I heard that Stephan and Edmund Herondale didn't get along very well so it wouldn't be too much of a shock if Jace wasn't included in their family affairs. "Well lets' stop standing around like a bunch of idiots. Let's go inside" Sebastian said going inside. Aline and Helen followed holding each other's hands and Isabelle grabbed Alec by the arm going in with him and Jace.

I shook my head watching them all before going inside. The inside of the building was just as fancy as the outside. It was a huge ballroom that had tables of food set up in the back. Everyone was dressed in fancy clothes and were holding glasses of Champaign as they talked to one another.

A small orchestra was playing on a little stage which wasn't surprising since Jem is known to like classical music. He's played violin in competitions all over the world and has won them all. "Well look who couldn't resist a party" a familiar voice said from behind me. I turned around and smiled seeing Ragnor.

"You know I love parties" I said shrugging. He raised an eyebrow before glancing over at Alec and his friends "and you brought company?" I looked back at Alec shrugging "they deserve a night out. They work really hard." Ragnor crossed his arms "their 'work' isn't work at all Magnus. They don't belong here."

I glared at him "They all lived here once you know." "They left Magnus, they shouldn't be here and you know it." I shook my head "I've learned a lot of things already, Ragnor. I could help them all."

"You've been there for two days Magnus. Don't forget the reason you're down there in the first place. You need to get a story for Valentine not save lost souls." I frowned thinking about the assignment Valentine gave me.

I was supposed to be following Alec's every move and find things to write about. It's only been two days and I already have so much to use. I could write about Alec's job, his drug addiction, and the way all the downtowners interact with each other. The info I have already is enough to destroy the Lightwoods reputation but what would that do to Alec?

"Don't tell me you're second guessing taking this assignment? Are you falling in love with one of them?" I looked at him stunned he would even ask "of course not Ragnor. I'm being professional."

"Them being here isn't you being professional Magnus." "They decided to come here not me Ragnor. I'm following them around like Valentine wanted. I'm doing my job."

Ragnor looked over at the downtowners before looking back at me "it's Alec Lightwood isn't it? You think getting dirt on the lightwoods will put you in Valentines favor?" I crossed my arms "Wither it does or not doesn't matter. I just want a job working for him."

I turned my back to my friend "now if you don't mind I have work to do." I walked away from him going back over to Alec and the others. Alec looked at me looking curious "was that one of your friends?" I nodded "yeah but you wouldn't want to meet him. He's a grumpy fellow."

Alec laughed slightly and I smiled happy that I was able to make him smile. Jem Carstairs got on the stage holding his violin. Alec and I both looked at him and he started to play one of my favorite scores. Alec closed his eyes listening "I love this song."

I glanced at Alec thinking for a moment before holding out my hand "dance with me." Alec blinked looking at my hand before looking at my face "you want to dance with me? Why?" I shrugged "You dance with your clients don't you?"

Alec looked like he didn't want to talk about his clients while standing so close to his siblings. "I dance sometimes." I kept my hand held out "then dance with me Alexander." Alec looked at my hand before grabbing it, a slight blush spreading on his face.

I smiled thinking it was adorable before I went to the middle of the dance floor with him. I grabbed his hand while putting my free hand on his waist. Alec looked at the hand on his hip before glaring at me "why do you get to lead?" I raised an eyebrow "do you have leading experience?"

Alec's silence told me his answer and I smiled "so I get to lead." Alec glanced away "I've never danced sober." It was sad how that statement didn't surprise me in the slightest. "I got you Alexander. You can trust me."

Alec met my eyes again before slowly putting his free hand on my shoulder "very well." I squeezed his hand smiling before starting to glide along the dancefloor with him. He looked down at his feet biting his lip and I laughed shaking my head. "Alec you shouldn't look at your feet like that."

He looked at me meeting my eyes. "I'm afraid of tripping and making a fool of myself." I laughed again not able to help it. "Are you making fun of me" Alec asked getting irritated. I shook my head no twirling with him "not at all Alexander."

I let go of Alecs' waist before twirling him three times. Alec laughed twirling away from me and after the third twirl I pulled him back to me dipping him. Alec laughed again, his face lighting up in the most charming way. Once he was done laughing Alec opened his eyes again looking back into my eyes smiling.

I stared back into his amazed by how blue they were. Normally when I look into Alec's eyes they're either glazed over or red from drugs. Now they shone bright and were so blue it was like looking into the ocean. Alec searched my eyes as well and the longer he looked the deeper his blush got.

I pulled him upright not breaking eye contact and he stared a moment longer before breaking the spell and looking away. He let go of me and backed up a little "I need some air" he said before turning and walking away. I watched him get lost in the crowd before looking down at the hand that held his, feeling it tingle from his touch. I couldn't possibly be getting feelings for Alec… right?"

Alec Pov- I pushed my way passed people not bothering to excuse myself. I felt like I was suffocating and I needed some air before I would pass out. I got outside and sighed with relief as the cold late November air hit my face. As I looked into Magnus's eyes I got this feeling deep in my chest that I didn't like.

"Did you see Alexander Lightwood in there" I heard a female voice ask from the other side of the pillar I was standing next to. I leaned into the pillar listening in on the conversation. "Yeah I saw him. He seems to be in good health though he's extremely skinny" a man whispered.

The woman made a tsk sound with her tongue "I've heard so many rumors about the boy I don't know what to believe. Some say he went to the army, others say he ran away to downtown." I frowned leaning on the pillar closing my eyes. Of course my father wouldn't tell them the truth.

"I thought for sure him running away was confirmed when he didn't come to the funeral" the guy said making me look toward them confused. Funeral? Did someone I know die? "Yet he's here at a party for someone he barely knew" the girl said disapprovingly.

"I guess his little brother wasn't that important to him. To not come to your own little brothers' funeral is just down right despicable. He belongs among the garbage of downtown." I could feel my blood freezing over from the words they spoke.

It couldn't have been true. None of it was true was it? If Max died Jace and Isabelle would have told me… they would have told me I know it. I closed my eyes tight trying to control the panic rushing over me.

Max isn't dead. Max is with mom and dad or with our grandparents. He was sickly but Jace said he was doing better and I refuse to think Jace would lie to me. ' _But you lie to him all the time'_ my brain whispered making me close my eyes tight.

I took deep breaths before going back inside needing to get the truth. I searched the crowed of people for Jace and Isabelle but they were nowhere in sight. My nerves were rising by the second and the need to escape my anxiety was slowly creeping up on me. If only I could get high right now.

"Alec there you are. We couldn't find you after you ran away from Magnus" Jace's voice came from behind me. I hesitated before turning to look at him. Both him and Isabelle were there staring at me with stunned expressions.

"Alec you're so pale. Did dancing with Magnus bother you that much" Isabelle asked reaching out to touch my cheek. I backed away from her touch not really thinking about it "don't touch me." They looked at each other confused before looking back at me "what's the matter" Jace asked.

I looked at him meeting his golden stare "you never finished telling me how Max is doing." Jace flinched at the question making my nerves worse. "Is he… Is Max dead?" Those words felt like acid in my mouth. I shouldn't have to say such ridiculous words.

"Alec, I was going to tell you but you were in such bad shape" Jace said frowning. My body felt cold yet hot at the same time. My blood was frozen but I was raging with hot anger. "How can you not tell me?!" I screamed making everyone stop their chatter and stare at us.

Isabelle frowned holding her arms out to hold me but I backed away glaring. "How could you? You know how Important Max is… was to me! I went three years without seeing him and I couldn't bare my brother being sick without me there to care for him!"

Jace held up his hands trying to calm me down "Alec please stop yelling. You're drawing a crowd we should go talk privately about this." I clenched my fists furious "No! You're going to tell me how you could lie and tell me Max was getting better when he wasn't!"

"I didn't want you to blame yourself!" Jace yelled glaring back at me. I shook my head "That's not a good excuse. You could have told me the truth. I didn't even get to tell him goodbye!"

A hand rested on my shoulder and I glared at who would even think to touch me right now. It was Magnus and he was looking at me sadly. "You need to calm down Alexander." I pulled away from him shaking my head no "I won't calm down."

I looked back at Isabelle and Jace "you two kept something like this from me. I can't forgive you… I'll never forgive you!" I yelled before shoving passed them running out of the building. I could hear them yelling after me but I just kept running not wanting to turn back.

I ran down street after street just wanting to get home and curl up into a ball. I need to escape. I need to distract myself from this horrible excruciating pain in my heart. I need to get to new heights until I can't feel anything ever again.

Flashes of memories were crashing down on me. Memories of Max and the last moments we spent together. The promises I made but now can no longer keep. All those promises meant nothing now.

" _Mom and dad don't want me spending time with you anymore." Max said sitting on my bed pouting. I smiled and shook my head sitting next to him "yeah they're being harsh with me right now." Max looked up at me sadly "You won't let them keep us apart will you?" I looked down at him and smiled sweetly "of course not Max, I'll always be here for you no matter what."_

I made my way downtown and turned down alleyways just wanting to get home as fast as possible. Tears were stinging my eyes as memory after memory hit me like a truck.

" _But I don't want to live with Grandma and Grandpa" Max cried out as dad carried his belongings out to the car. Mom got to his level putting her hands on his shoulders "Maxwell stop that crying this instant. It's not safe for you to be with your brother right now." I leaned on the wall in the living room glaring at my mother._

 _Both our parents were being completely ridiculous by sending Max away. They think my gayness will rub off on him. Tears were streaming down Max's face "I don't want to go." He pulled away from mom and ran over to me._

 _I fell to my knees and pulled him into the tightest hug I've ever given him. Max hid his face in my shoulder "Alec please. Don't let them take me away." I rubbed his head "I'm so sorry Max. They won't listen to anything I say."_

 _He made eye contact with me still crying "promise we'll see each other again. Promise you won't forget me." It took everything I had not to start crying as well. "Of course we will see each other again Max. I'm your brother and always will be."_

I got to my apartment running up the stairs and busting through the door. I looked around hyperventilating needing to find anything to take the pain away. I needed to block all this pain.

 _Our father came in from packing the last box and he glared at us before storming over to me. "Let go of him Alexander." I just held him tighter looking at my father with the most hateful glare I could give. It wasn't fare that Max had to be treated this way all because of me._

I went to my bedroom and fell to the floor in front of the pile of syringe shots digging through them all trying to find an unused one I may have missed. I needed to get high. I needed to forget. I found a full one and I picked it up not wasting any time.

I shoved off the jacket I was wearing and pulled up the sleeve of my shirt before reaching up on my bedside table and grabbing the rubber band to tie around my arm. Once I could find a vane I stuck myself with the needle leaning my head back as I felt the drug go into my bloodstream.

 _Dad grabbed Max trying to pull him away from me but Max clung on. "Don't let them take me Alec." I held onto Max looking into his eyes. "It will only be for a little while. I swear we'll be together again soon you just have to be patient."_

 _Max looked at me for a few more seconds before nodding and letting me go. Father picked him up taking him to the door and I stood up running after him until I got to the doorway. "I love you Max. I swear I'll come see you soon."_

I could feel my body numbing as the drug took effect but it wasn't enough. The memories just kept flowing in with no way of stopping them.

 _I turned back to my father as he threw me out the door. I just told him I was no longer going to pretend to be something I'm not and so he kicked me out. "You can't do this father. Isabella and Jace need me."_

" _No they don't Alexander. You're no longer a part of this family." I shook my head "please, you have to let me at least say goodbye. They need to know I love them. Max needs to know."_

 _He glared at me "don't you go anywhere near Max. He's sick enough without you there to make it worse." I clenched my fists "My gayness isn't contagious father. I need to see Max, I promised him I would."_

" _Well too bad. We already informed your grandparents not to let you anywhere near him. Now get out and don't come back till you're ready to be a man." I gritted my teeth wanting to scream. "I'm more of a man than you" I said before turning and walking away._

I grabbed my head rocking back and forth closing my eyes. "Oh god. Please stop."

" _I'm sorry I haven't been in contact for a long time Jace. I couldn't get a hold of a phone." I just got my apartment and a new cell phone. This is my first time talking to Jace in months._

" _Isabelle and I are so worried about you Alec. Are you sure you don't want us to come be with you?" "No. I never want you coming here and that's final."_

 _I sat on my floor sighing "How's Max? Is he doing any better?" There was a long silence on the other end making me frown "what is it? Is Max getting worse?"_

" _Well Alec… no he's doing better actually. He got to come home last month so he was pretty happy. He hates that you aren't here though."_

"God, please stop."

" _Max is doing great today. He's starting to play soccer since dad thinks him getting into sports won't make him turn out like you" Jace said over the phone. I laughed trying to imagine my bookworm brother play soccer. "I'm glad he's doing better."_

"Please… stop" I whispered closing my eyes as tight as possible.

 _I laid on my floor staring up at the ceiling high as a kite. This was maybe my seventh time ever using drugs and the feeling was putting me at peace. "I don't like this Alec" Max's voice said from next to me. I looked over and he was sitting on the floor next to me._

 _I sat up fast smiling "Max you're here." I reached out to hug him but my hands with right through him. I looked at my hands before looking back at him frowning. "Sebastian said I may hallucinate." I sighed dropping my hands "bummer."_

 _Max looked at me frowning "You didn't keep your promise." I blinked confused "What promise?" "You promised we would see each other again. You didn't keep the promise and now it's too late."_

 _I shook my head no "it's not too late Max we have plenty of time." Max looked into my eyes before putting his hand on top of mine "It's too late Alec."_

"STOP!" I screamed feeling the tears rushing down my cheeks. I gasped for air trying to breathe but it was useless. I couldn't do anything but gasp and cry. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I cried in between sobs.

Something strong and heavy touched my shoulder making me look up in a panic. It was Magnus and he was squatted down to my level. "Alexander calm down. You're having another panic attack."

I shook my head looking down "I can't." "You must. You'll die if you don't." I shook my head letting more tears fall down my cheeks "So what if I die. I deserve to be dead."

Magnus cupped my face in his hands making me look at him "You can't think like that." I met his eyes, my breathing calming but my body still shaking. "My little brother died and I never knew. I couldn't keep my promise."

Magnus wiped my tears with his thumbs "Alexander none of that was your fault. They kept him away from you as well as kept his death a secret. You had no control over that." I shook my head again "I didn't try hard enough to see him."

Magnus pulled me into his arms holding me tight and I berried my face in his warm chest. "I had to escape. I shot up needing to lose this awful feeling but it's not working." I met Magnus's eyes again "Nothing's working Magnus."

Magnus stroked my cheek frowning. "How can I help you Alexander?" I searched his eyes before sliding my hand behind his neck. "Help me forget" I whispered softly before pulling him closer kissing him softly.

Magnus's eyes went wide and he stayed still for a moment before sliding his hands into my hair and kissing me back. I moved my arms from Magnus's neck to his waist holding on tight to him as he pulled me closer. We kept kissing softly at first, just brief brushing of the lips but it soon turned into a heated kiss of teeth and tongues.

Magnus broke the kiss briefly cursing under his breath. "What the hell am I doing" he whispered before starting to unbutton my shirt. Once all the buttons were undone he ran his hands along my shoulders and pushed the shirt down my arms and off my body. Once I was free of the shirt I wrapped my arms around Magnus's neck grabbing his hair as I pulled him back for another hot kiss.

He moved his arms under me and without warning he picked me up enough to fall onto the bed with me. My head hit the pillow as I pulled Magnus into my arms kissing along his jawline, to behind his ear, and then down his neck till I got to his collar bone. Magnus moaned softly then sucked in a breath as a bit down on his collarbone. "Alec… maybe we should stop" he said starting to pull away.

I tightened my grip on him looking into his golden green eyes. "Don't go Magnus… please." Magnus frowned placing his hand on my cheek looking back into my eyes. "This isn't right Alexander. You're high right now and an emotional wreck. I'd just be taking advantage of you."

A cold chuckle escaped my lips and I shook my head "you're wrong Magnus." I leaned into his touch and kissed the palm of his hand before glancing back up at him. "I'm the one taking advantage of you." I could feel a shiver go up Magnus's spine and I knew I had him then.

I cupped his face in my hands pulling him closer until our lips were only inches apart. "Don't think too much Magnus. Just give in to your desires like I do. It's the only way people like you and I can survive in this world."

He searched my eyes with lust filled ones. He wanted to give in but there was still worry coloring his eyes as well. "Let go" I whispered before breaking the distance between our mouths. Magnus closed his eyes and finally gave in wrapping his arms around me and kissing me back.

His tongue brushed my bottom lip asking for entrance and I opened my mouth with no hesitation. Magnus wasn't hesitant anymore either. He slid his tongue inside my mouth and started exploring to his heart's content. His tongue brushed mine before he used it to lick my palate making me moan softly into his mouth.

Magnus broke the kiss before kissing the corner of my mouth and making his way down my neck and chest. He stopped in front of one of my nipples going to take it into his mouth but I stopped him. "Can we skip the foreplay? Not that I don't love it but I really just need to be fucked right now."

He searched my eyes and the hesitation was back in his for a moment before he reached over to the drawer of my bedside table. He pulled it open and looked a little shocked that the drawer was full of condoms and a couple bottles of lube. "Bring men home often" he asked grabbing a condom and lube before shutting the drawer again. I shook my head no looking up at him "I've never slept with anyone in my bed before."

Magnus looked surprised by this "so I'm the first?" I nodded and he glanced away guiltily. "I don't know Alec, maybe you should wait for someone you love to be the first." I glared up at him "I don't love anyone and I never will."

He frowned looking down at me and he caressed my cheek. "Oh Alexander that's not true." I brushed his hand off "are you going to fuck me or not Magnus? If so get on with it."

Magnus looked into my eyes for a moment before shaking his head and sitting up "This isn't right Alexander. I don't want to do something you'll regret." I glared at him sitting up "Magnus you act like I'm going to wake up in the morning and care. I won't give a damn if we sleep together."

"I'll 'give a damn' Alec. You may not care about who you sleep with but I do. I refuse to be like all the other people who take advantage of you. You're hurting right now and the drug isn't working so you decided sleeping with me will help. Well guess what Alec it won't."

I was completely stunned by his words. No one has ever said something like that to me before. "Magnus… I'm sorry." I ran my hand into my hair closing my eyes. "You're right, I shouldn't do this just to escape my problems."

Magnus put his hands on my shoulders "Alec please, call Michael Wayland and get the help he offered you. Go to rehab and get clean for you can make a life for yourself that's better than the one you have now." I opened my eyes meeting his again "I can't do that Magnus. I don't deserve it."

"Why not? Being gay doesn't mean you should live your life in the gutter like this." I shook my head before brushing off his hands "I don't deserve it because of Max. I didn't keep my promise to see him again."

Magnus shook his head "that's no reason to throw your life away." I leaned on the wall rubbing my eyes "There's no point in me going back because there's nothing for me there. I have people here who care about me." Magnus frowned at this "You have Jace and Isabelle uptown."

I frowned at him before looking away glaring "I meant what I said Magnus. I won't ever forgive them for what they did. I'm never speaking to them again." I looked back at Magnus and his eyes were wide.

"Alexander you can't possibly mean that. They're your brother and sister you love them more than yourself. You can't just write them off like that." I crossed my arms "they kept Max's death from me Magnus. That's unforgivable."

"Maybe so but you need to forgive them anyway. You can't live without them." I stood up picking my shirt off from the floor. "I've been doing it for two years now" I pointed out.

"Yes and it's been killing you. I heard the pain in your voice when you talked to Jace over the phone the other night. I saw the pure joy on your face when you finally got to hold your sister in your arms. What they did was wrong but they did it for you."

I chuckled coldly "for me? What does hiding the death of my brother do for me?" Magnus let out a hard sigh. "Because you would have blamed yourself for not being there for Max. You would have torn yourself up wondering what you could have done to help him."

"What do you think I'm doing now" I yelled clenching my fist. I was getting beyond angry and was having trouble controlling it. "I am standing here agonizing over what I could have done. I should have been at the funeral. I should have been there when he took his last breath but I wasn't and it's all their fault."

I rubbed my temples shaking my head before looking at Magnus again "I want to be alone now. Get out and leave me alone." Magnus stared at me keeping quiet before turning and walking out of my room without another word. I watched him frowning before laying on my bed hiding my face in my pillow.


	5. The Complicated Feelings

**Okay so i have a lot to say up here. I would like to first answer some reviews.**

 **Guest: Thank you for saying my story is awesome :)**

 **San: You are always so nice to me with every review and it makes me so happy and helps me write so thank you so so much. (I also love that you always put kisses at the end. Adorable :)**

 **Darkparadise994: I am so grateful for you saying all those nice things. I love getting reviews and it's ones like yours that help inspire me.**

 **I'll be honest I have been very depressed this week but all of these reviews and even looking back at old reviews makes me smile and feel great about myself so thank you all so much.**

 **Now on to the story. You will all learn soon enough that I have an obsession with Sebastian and Jonathan Morgenstern both. I love both sides of him and I like to tinker with his personality a lot which you will all see in this chapter.**

 **WARNING: This Chapter contains, dark thoughts like suicide so you have been warned.**

 **Love you all and hope to hear more of what you all think. I love hearing opinions :)**

It's Complicated Chapter Five: The Complicated Feelings

Magnus Pov- I knocked on Alecs' bedroom door before pressing my ear to the wood "Alexander… please open the door." He locked himself in his room and hasn't come out for the last twenty four hours. Learning about his brothers' death took a huge toll on him. I could hear him crying last night and I wanted to comfort him but that wasn't an option.

"Leave me alone Magnus" his voice called through the wood. "I've left you alone long enough I think. We need to talk about what happened the other night." "No we don't" he answered with a somber voice.

"Okay then, maybe you should talk to Jace or Isabelle about what happened. They're both really worried about you and it was near impossible to turn Jace away at the door." "I don't want to talk to them" he yelled obviously still furious with them. "You can't just cut them off Alexander."

He answered me by throwing something breakable against his door. I could hear shattered glass falling to the floor. "You don't need more broken glass in there Alec" I yelled grabbing his door knob trying to pry his door open. "It's my room my broken glass" he yelled back.

The door opened and I had to back up to not run face first into Alec. I scaled him over with my eyes frowning at the way he looked. He was dressed worse than usual with gray sweatpants and a really big old looking sweater with a hood. His eyes were red from crying so much and his skin seemed paler than usual.

"You need to eat. I went to Taki's and ordered you all kinds of food. It's waiting for you in the kitchen." Alec just walked passed me heading for the door without a word.

"Hey wait a minute" I said grabbing his arm making him stop and look back at me with a blank expression. "Where do you think you're going?" "I have to go into work" he said softly. I shook my head in shocked "Alec there's no way you can go to work in this state. You're in mourning your boss will understand that."

"No she won't Magnus. I'm slowly being pushed out of the game and not showing up makes it worse. You just don't understand Downtown and I don't think you ever will so you should just go home. You can take your money if you want I don't care."

I shook my head no "Alec you need someone here to look after you." "I have people to look after me. You're not one of those people so you should just go." I shook my head no again "I won't leave you Alec."

He looked back at me glaring and I met his eyes "As far as your job goes if you go to work like this then you'll definitely get fired. Aline told me that you're on thin ice at work and I understand that but either way I think you're going to get fired." Alecs' glare got more intense before he slapped me hard across the face. The force of it made me drop Alec's arm.

"Stay here if you want I don't care but I am getting tired of hearing you talk down to me. You think you're so much better than me Mr. Fashion Designer don't you? You have a family, friends, a stable job and a home. Good for you but not everyone is as lucky as you."

"I don't think I'm better than you" I protested but he kept going. "Why are you here Magnus? Why are you paying me money to watch my life fall apart? Is this some sick fetish of yours? Do you enjoy watching me suffer like this?"

"That's not why I'm doing this at all Alexander." He screamed slightly in irritation before glaring at me again "Stop calling me that! I'm not Alexander nor will I ever be Alexander again! I am Alec, I live here in Downtown with the rest of the scum of the earth!"

I frowned at him "maybe you see yourself as scum but what about your friends? Do you see Sebastian, Aline, and Helen as scum?" He flinched at the question frowning "of course not." "Well that's pretty much what you just said by calling downtowners 'scum of the earth'."

He was quiet for a long moment before turning his back to me "You get my point Magnus. Don't turn my words on me." "Why shouldn't I?" I asked crossing my arms "you are using your words to hurt yourself so what does it matter if I try to hurt you with your words?"

He glanced back at me for a moment before just shaking his head and walking out of the apartment. I followed him to the door watching him go down the stairs. "You're going to get fired" I said hoping I could get him mad enough to come back up here and I could lock him back in his room. He stopped for a moment at the bottom of the stairs before shaking his head and walking away.

I went back inside shaking my head before pulling out my phone and calling Jace. Jace ended up giving me his phone number yesterday after I told him he should go home and give Alec his space. I was surprised he even listened to me. He answered right away "will he talk to me?"

I sat on the couch frowning "not yet. This may take longer than you thought." Jace let out a long sigh "Alec isn't like this. He isn't one to hold a grudge." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.

"Jace this isn't something to brush off. It's not like you borrowed something without asking and broke it. You kept his little brothers' death from him. That's not easy to get over."

"Izzy and I were protecting him. If Alec found out about Max dying and he wasn't there he would have been devastated." I raised an eyebrow at that "oh yeah, and him finding out through strangers is making him dance around singing happy tunes? He missed Max's funeral."

"I don't even know how all those people knew about Max dying. Not a lot of people even knew Max existed" Jace sighed. "Alec knew. He wanted nothing more than to keep his promise to Max" I said thinking about what he said to me the night before.

There was a long silence on the other line and for a moment I thought he hung up on me. "You know, Max's dying wish was to see Alec. He told our parents that he wanted to see Alec before his time was up. Robert lied saying Alec didn't want to see him."

I clenched the phone in my hand feeling rage toward Robert Lightwood. "Did Max believe that garbage?" "Of course not. Max knows… knew that Alec would never turn his back on him."

"I wish I could have met Max. He sounds like a really great kid." "He was one of the best" Jace said, his tone full of fondness for his little brother. I smiled liking that Alec wasn't the only one who sounded that way when talking about family.

"So you don't think Alec will talk to me for a long while?" I shrugged "I don't know Alec good enough to determine how long this will take. I say be patient with him." "You're right, I have to go talk to Izzy."

He hung up and I shook my head throwing my phone onto the coffee table. I couldn't lie that Alec's offer for me to go home was tempting. I miss my comfy house with my claw foot bathtub where I have my relaxing bubble baths. I learned the hard way yesterday the H2s (the s meaning slime) also applied to the showers.

My guess is that Alec takes showers at work before a job. I don't know where else he could have done it. Where was I going to do it though was the golden question. Maybe Aline would help. I grabbed my phone looking for her number now really invested in getting an answer to this question.

Alec Pov- I made my way to work going over the conversation I had with Magnus over and over again. Something about Magnus just got my emotions all jumbled up and it made me constantly snap at him. No one did these things to me ever so what was the deal with him? Why did he seem to hold this power over me?

I shook off these questions as I got closer to work. I couldn't be thinking of Magnus while I'm on a date with a customer. This customer was someone I've been seeing for the past year and he always pays me handsomely. I had to make sure to be at my best and not think about Magnus or Max.

I turned the last corner to work and froze in horror at what I was seeing. In front of my work building my customer was standing there with his arms wrapped around Mark Blackthorns waist. "What the hell" I growled before making my over to them. "I'm here" I said putting on my best smile.

The customer looked at me smiling "Oh Alec, I'm sorry I thought someone called you." I blinked confused but my smile didn't waver "what?" Mark grabbed my hand frowning "All of Downtown and uptown is talking about your brother. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

I frowned at him before looking at his hands deciding if I should fake kindness or bite his head off for talking about it. "Yeah but I'm okay to do my job." Mark shook his head "You're in mourning Alec. You need time and until you feel better I offered to take over all your work."

I got wide eyed "All my work? You can't do that." Mark smiled "it's no trouble Alec. I want to help you and this is the way I can."

"I never asked for your help" I yelled making both Mark and the customer back up slightly. "Alec get in here now" Miss Seelie snapped from the front door. I looked at her frowning and glanced at Mark again for a moment before going inside trying not to panic. I glanced at everyone as we walked by but they were all avoiding eye contact with me which wasn't a good sign.

Miss Seelie sat in her chair before pointing to the chair in front of her desk for me to sit in. I did as she instructed clenching my fists. She leaned back in her chair looking at me "I'll start off by saying I'm sorry about what happened to your little brother." I looked at her completely shocked. Miss Seelie wasn't really the type to give a damn if someone in your family passed away.

"That being said I can't excuse the behavior you showed out there. Mark was doing something nice for you. I kept denying him taking on your work but he insisted so you had time to heal." I glared "Or he's just trying to steal all my clients for himself."

She sighed "Mark's a sweet boy Alec. You're friends with his sister so he felt like he owed you for taking such good care of her." I frowned thinking about Helen. I always forget that they're twins. Helen wouldn't like the way I've been treating her brother.

"So what happens now" I asked softly, looking down at the hands in my lap. She was silent for a moment thinking before shaking her head "I can't look passed it. I think the stress of living downtown is too much for you and it's effecting your work. I can't have problems in my company."

I closed my eyes feeling defeated "so I'm fired" I asked trying to hold back my emotions. A part of me wanted to burst out in tears while another part of me wanted to tear this office apart. The old me, the Uptown me would have been able to handle rejection a lot better. I guess that person really is completely gone.

"Yes Alec. You're fired. I'm sorry it had to be this way but keeping you isn't worth all the problems that seem to come with it. I hope you can find work somewhere else but you won't be working here. Please collect your things and leave."

I nodded standing up and walking out of her office. I didn't bother collecting anything that may have been mine I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I walked out the door and Mark Blackthorn was waiting for me frowning. "Why are you still here" I asked feeling too numb to be angry.

He glanced back at his waiting customer before looking back at me "I'm sorry if I over stepped Alec. I was just trying to help you I never intended on taking your job." "Well you did" I said plainly "I got fired just now." He frowned more "Was it my fault?"

I met his eyes for a moment seeing that he actually looked worried that he may have cost me my job. His kindness reminded me a lot of Helen and her sweet nature. "No you didn't make me lose it. My bad attitude and addictions made me get fired."

I put my hand on his shoulder "Listen Mark. I know you and Helen work really hard to get your younger siblings everything they need. I respect you for that but don't over work yourself and try to see your siblings as much as you possibly can. You never know when you'll lose one."

He nodded putting his hand over mine. His eyes were full of determination and it made me wonder if I looked like that when I first decided to fight for my life. "Promise me you'll stay away from the drinking and drugs alright? No matter how hard life gets don't turn to those things it'll just make life even harder" I said before dropping my hand from his shoulder.

He nodded before running over to his costumer and leaving with him to go on the date. I watched them walk away for a moment before turning in the other direction and walking away. What was I supposed to do now? I have no job and I'm sure no one will hire someone as unstable as me.

Being a companion was off the table because everyone uptown knew who I was and wouldn't want to show me off as their dates. Drug dealing was a possibility but I don't think I'd have the stomach for it. If I got desperate and used the drugs I was supposed to be selling I could get killed by the distributor. The only option left was being homeless and I never wanted to go back to that ever again.

 _There is another option_ my brain whispered to me. _You could always go work for Raphael Santiago._ I shook that thought out of my head the moment it came to mind. There was no way I would ever work for the Mafia.

If I did work for Raphael then I'm sure I would get paid a lot of money and would be able to have all the drugs I want. It would be easier and I would have meaning in my life again. There was a huge problem with working for him though. He only had two jobs, drug pushing and being a hitman.

I'm too much of a druggie to be trusted with drugs to sell so the only option would be to become one of Raphael's hitmen. I could easily do it to with all the years of archery I had under my belt. I had amazing aim and rarely missed my target. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to kill someone though… would I?

I shook my head again violently not wanting to even consider doing this. "What the hell is wrong with me" I asked myself before looking up at the sky. It was turning gray and the clouds were building up meaning it was going to start snowing soon. If I kept working with Magnus and he gave me the money he promised maybe I'll survive one more year.

A sadder thought popped into my head at that moment. ' _What's the point of surviving?'_ I sighed at that thought. Normally when I started thinking like that I would just get high and forget about it. I couldn't do that after just telling Mark not to turn to drugs to fix his problems.

"I need fresh air and I'm not going to get it standing down here" I said looking up at the buildings around me. I stopped in front of the only really tall building in downtown that was made up of eight stories. Going on the roof would let me feel a fresh breeze and may even clear my head. Making up my mind I went into the building and up the elevator to the roof.

Once I was on the roof I had to hug my arms as a cold gust of wind whipped passed me. I left the house wearing my heavy sweater but I forgot to grab my jacket. "Well, I wanted fresh air" I told myself walking to the front edge of the roof. I looked over the edge at the people down below either walking or sitting on the sidewalks.

I remember once when I was seven my father took me to Circle Inc. with him to show me the ropes. I ended up sneaking away and made my way to the roof so I could look down at the city. There were crowds of people walking in all directions and cars stuck in traffic. It was more alive than this sad part of town.

I closed my eyes letting the wind cool my face. Who was I kidding? Everything uptown was more alive than here, including me. I opened my eyes looking back at the street and I stepped up onto the ledge.

What was the point in fighting anymore? Alexander was who really had something to live for. Alexander was respected and looked to for advice and guidance. What do I get? Who respects and listens to me?

I made a promise to Max as Alexander but Alec broke it. I never tried hard enough to see him. Maybe there was still a way to keep the promise. Maybe there was a way for me to see Max after all. Maybe… Maybe I should just die.

I looked up at the cloudy sky, my body feeling numb all over before I closed my eyes trying to find the nerve to either jump or fall. There's no way I could survive a fall from this high up. It would be a cowardly death like I deserve. Fast and painless.

"Are you going to jump Alec" a familiar voice said from behind me. My eyes shot open before I looked to see who it was. Sebastian was standing there, his platinum hair slightly blowing in the wind. I turned the front half of my body to face him "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged putting his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket "I like to come up here to think. What are you doing up here?" I frowned before looking back at the street below. "Is that the answer Alec" he asked watching me.

I looked back at him pushing my black hair out of my eyes from the wind blowing it. "So what if it is my answer. I lost my job and I have nothing left." Sebastian let out a long irritated sigh before shaking his head "I made a promise to myself that Sebastian Morgenstern wouldn't care about anyone so you leave me no choice."

I blinked confused as he turned his back to me and pulled something out of his jacket pocket. I had to concentrate hard to see that it was a contact lens case. Why would Sebastian need one of those? He doesn't wear contacts.

I couldn't see what it was but he ended up putting something in the case. He turned to me with his eyes shut, sighing again and when he opened his eyes I gasped surprised. Instead of the dark black eyes I have always known his eyes were a dark green. They made him look more gorgeous if that was even possible.

"You have green eyes" was all I could bring myself to say. He nodded walking up to me before holding his hand out to me "give me your hand." I stared at his hand before looking back at him "Why do you care about what I do? Sebastian Morgenstern isn't supposed to care."

"He doesn't care" he said simply. "I'm not being Sebastian right now though. Right now I'm Jonathan Morgenstern and I'm stopping my friend from doing something completely idiotic." I glared at him "you can't just change back like that."

His intense green eyes didn't waver. "Yes I can when I have no choice. I may have adopted a new personality when I became Sebastian but that doesn't mean Jonathan is completely gone. Alexander isn't completely gone either Alec."

"How would you know? We didn't know each other when we lived uptown so you have no idea what I was like." Jonathan kept holding his hand out wanting my hand "you were still Alexander when we met. You became Alec after downtown beat you."

I glanced away thinking he was right before looking back at him "I can't live like this anymore Jonathan. I lost my home, my family, now my job. I'll lose my apartment and then what? What else will I have left to lose?"

"You didn't lose your family Alec. Yeah your parents won't talk to you and your little brother died but you still have Jace and Isabelle." I glared at that "they betrayed me." He shook his head "What your parents did was betrayal. Your siblings were worried of what you might do."

I rolled my eyes and faced the ledge again "They lied about Max dying." "They were worried you would blame yourself and act out. Maybe even climb onto a building and jump like you are now." I laughed coldly "looks like their plan backfired."

Jonathan shook his head "What? Do you think if you kill yourself you'll be teaching them a lesson? They'll be lost without you Alec. You're who holds your family together even when you're not there."

I turned back to him glaring "Oh? Then why do you hate your family so much? They didn't force you down here you came to downtown on your own. Why would any sane person do that?"

"I never said I was sane. In fact I believe everyone who knows me knows I'm far from it" He said crossing his arms. I met his eyes again "seriously Jonathan. I want nothing more than to have my old life back so why would you give yours up?"

He held his hand out to me again "get off that ledge and I'll tell you why I'm here." I glanced back at the street thinking for a moment before sighing and reaching for his hand. He grabbed it and pulled me off the ledge and to the middle of the roof. We sat down and he squeezed my hand smiling at me.

All I could do was stare at him completely shocked at his attitude. I didn't know that he could do anything but glare, smirk, and look bored. "Why do you seem so surprised" he asked looking a little embarrassed by all my staring. Jonathan Morgenstern really was completely different from Sebastian in every way possible.

"How can contacts change so much about a person" I asked watching him. "Why do you even wear contacts anyway? You could have been Sebastian without black eyes." He shook his head no "I hate me green eyes, they remind me of… them."

I blinked confused "Them? Who's them?" he sighed running his hand through his windblown hair "my mother and sister." I thought about the Morgenstern family and I remembered that Valentine was married to a famous artist. "Jocelyn Morgenstern of course" I said thinking out loud.

Jonathan pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them laying his chin on them frowning. "What did your family expect from you Alec?" I was a little taken back by the question. "Well for one they expected me to be straight" I said trying to make a joke to lighten his sad mood.

He looked at me with a face that said he was being serious so I gave him a serious answer. "Well my mother never said what she expected me to do with my life. My father on the other hand had been coaching me all my life to run his company for him. Even before he stole your fathers company he always said I would be his successor."

Jonathan watched me for a moment before looking straight ahead. His eyes were blank as if he was looking back into the past. Perhaps he was. "My parents expected so much from me Alec."

I stayed quiet waiting for him to continue and he let of a shaky breath. "As you know my father owns a company and my mother is a famous artist. Being a Morgenstern means you are special and should be able to do lots of things amazingly. I wasn't that special though."

"My mother tried to teach me how to paint for years but I was horrible at it. My father tried to teach me how to lead people but I was too timid to tell anyone what to do. Music, mathematics, photography. I tried latterly everything to try to make my parents proud but I wasn't good at anything."

I frowned watching him "that sounds stressful." He nodded "It was but that was only the beginning." He looked up at the sky "When my little sister Clary was born I was so excited. I thought maybe she would be like me and maybe not be good at stuff."

"I know it sound's selfish to want my sister to fail but I thought it would be something we could both help each other with together. She picked up a paint brush when she was four and she was amazing. A child prodigy who everyone loved. No one found it surprising because she was a Morgenstern."

"I thought that maybe since Clary was special now they would stop looking at me to be. Turns out I was dead wrong. My father put more and more pressure on me to be the perfect Morgenstern. He said that my little sister being more skilled than me was embarrassing to our family name."

He stopped talking for a few minutes and I stayed quiet giving him time to prepare himself for what he was going to say. He stood up pulling off his jacket before starting to unbutton his shirt. I watched him shocked "What are you doing? It's freezing up here."

He ignored me not stopping. "My father put more and more pressure on me to be perfect and every time I failed. I tried as hard as I could but he claimed I wasn't trying hard enough." He tugged off his shirt turning his back to me and I gasped seeing scars from a whip all over his back. There had to be at least fifty lashes.

"Oh Jonathan…" He quickly put his shirt back on and started buttoning it up. "My father thought he could 'whip' me into shape. If I failed at something or messed up I would get whipped." Once he finished with his shirt he put his jacket back on and turned to face me.

His face was calm but I could see fear in his green eyes. Talking about all this was terrifying for him it was plain to see. "We can stop if you want" I said softly. He took a deep breath before shaking his head no sitting back next to me "I have to tell you why I'm here."

I stayed quiet now, listening. "My mother knew what my father was doing to me but she never stopped it. She was too busy obsessing over Clary and her 'amazing' art skills. I felt like I was in a prison where I was too weak and helpless to protect myself."

The wind blew harder and he closed his eyes letting it hit his face and cool him. "One night I decided to run away from home. I packed some clothes and headed here to downtown. It was a little scary at first I'm not going to lie but the fear soon turned to relief."

He opened his eyes again and the fear was no longer there. He was smiling to as he looked up at the sky. "I was free to do what I wanted and be who I wanted. I didn't want to be that pathetic boy who let people push him around anymore. I became someone who doesn't need anyone and doesn't take crap from anyone."

"I won't ever let anyone hurt me like my family did ever again." He looked at me smiling "I know this place is hell to you. I know you feel like it's a prison. To me this place is heaven, it's where I'm truly free."

I frowned meeting his eyes before looking down at my hands. "Are you saying I should try to make this place my freedom?" He shook his head no. "I'm not saying downtown needs to be your sanctuary but there is someone here who could be."

I blinked at him confused and he rolled his eyes before smiling at me "are you seriously that clueless Alec? I'm talking about Magnus." I could feel my face get hot despite the cold air "what?" "You have a thing for Magnus Alec" he said smiling.

I shook my head no looking away "No I don't. What would make you say something like that?" "Alec you don't see the way you look at him but I do. I've never seen you look at anyone the way you like Magnus."

"I-it's just a small crush and nothing more" I said trying to sound convincing but my voice wouldn't stop shaking. Jonathan laughed, it wasn't Sebastian's normal mocking laugh but a real one. "Its way more than a little crush Alec. It's a huge crush."

He stopped laughing and smiled at me again, I wasn't used to all this smiling coming from him. "It's not a bad thing Alec. In fact Magnus looks at you the same way you look at him." I gasped looking at him "You think so" I asked not meaning to sound so hopeful.

He laughed at me again shaking his head "god you're adorable Alec. You remind me of a little kid having your first crush." I rubbed the back of my neck "well this is my first time crushing on someone who isn't my brother." He nodded standing up "That's right it is isn't it?"

I stood up "But it couldn't possibly work. Magnus and I live in completely different worlds." He looked back at me like I was stupid "not if you go home with him." I was shocked at his suggestion "I can't do that. You're one of the people who didn't want me to go."

He shrugged "The Sebastian side of me doesn't want you to go and when I put my contact back in I'll keep telling you I don't want you to go. When I was Jonathan I cared a lot about my family before everything went south. You're part of my new family and I want you to be happy." I frowned "What if I'm not happy with Magnus?"

He sighed putting his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eye. "Alec, you need to stop with all the 'what if's'. It's Thursday and Magnus leaves on Sunday. That means you have three days to spend time with Magnus and find out what you want. If you decided that you want something between Magnus and you then call that Wayland guy."

"What if Magnus doesn't want to be with me?" He gave me another 'you're stupid' face before letting me go "there's no way Magnus doesn't like you. I saw the way you two danced the night before." I looked at the hand Magnus held as we danced "it felt… magical."

He nodded "it seemed pretty magical… you know for two dudes." I looked back up at him "do you really think I can do this?" He nodded smiling "without a doubt." I took a deep breath before nodding "okay… I'm going to try."

He nodded and pulled out his contact case putting his black contacts back in. He blinked a couple times making sure they were in place before he looked at me again irritably. "Are you done moping and feeling sorry for yourself idiot?" I smiled happy to see my familiar jerk of a friend again.

"I think so. Let's get out of here before this wind knocks us off the roof." He snorted "I dare the wind to try and knock me off." We headed to the elevator and I glanced at him "you know, Jonathan's a pretty cool guy. The love in his heart should have made his family proud."

He was silent in thought for a moment before punching me in the arm. "If you ever do something stupid enough to force me to bring Jonathan out again I will personally end your life myself." I laughed not able to help it "aww you care about me" I teased as the elevator door closed. "I do not" he yelled punching me in the arm again which only made me laugh louder.

Once we were out of the building I hugged Sebastian, much to his annoyance, before making my way back to my apartment. I heart beat louder and harder with each step I took as I wondered what to say to Magnus. I couldn't just come right out and ask him out, that would be crazy. What If Jonathan was wrong and Magnus didn't like me the way I liked him?

Then there was the other important question. Was Magnus worth trying to return to uptown for? I could see it all clearly. Calling Michael Wayland for help, going to rehab and getting clean before living a happy life with Magnus. Was it all way too much to hope for?

I stopped in front of my apartment steps and swallowed hard before making my way up them and to the door. I pushed the door open and Magnus was just hanging up a phone call. He looked at me and seemed surprised that I was home. "I didn't think you would be home so soon."

I closed the door leaning on it for support. "Um well… I got fired." He frowned "oh I'm sorry Alec. I know I said you would get fired but I didn't think it was true."

I shrugged walking up to him "It was just a stupid job it doesn't matter." That was a lie. It did still matter and it still hurt like hell but I couldn't shut down over it. I only have three days.

"So um Magnus… You said you brought me food?" he nodded looking toward the kitchen. "I did but I'm afraid it's cold now and you don't have a microwave to heat it up." I shrugged "I'm not a fan of microwaved food… do you maybe want to go out for dinner?"

He looked even more surprised than before. "You want to go out to eat? You were so upset when you left what changed your attitude?" I bit my lip "Let's just say I got some fresh air and I feel better."

"Better enough to talk to Jace and Isabelle" he asked his voice hopeful. I shook my head no frowning "I'm not quite there yet." He nodded "Before we go I need to go to Alines for a shower. I have been dirty way to long for my liking."

I nodded "how about you go there now then and we'll go to dinner at eight?" He nodded smiling "great idea Alexander- um I mean Alec." I bit the inside of my cheek before looking at him "Alexander is fine… it's okay when you say it anyway." His eyes got wide "seriously, what happened while you were gone?"

I rolled my eyes "Don't make me change my mind about it Magnus. Go get your shower so we can go. I'm starving and I won't wait all day." He smiled walking to the front door "now that's the Alexander I know."

I blushed as he passed me and once I heard the front door shut my legs gave out and I fell to the floor. I'm so pathetic. I can't even flirt without him thinking somethings wrong with me. I let out a long sigh before running my hand through my hair.

"Don't give up just yet Alec. You need to see if he's worth going back for. You only have three days." I looked up at the ceiling frowning "Max help me okay? Please let him be worth it."


	6. The Not So Complicated Date

**I am so so so happy that you all liked Jonathan. I don't know what it is but I have always liked Sebastian even though he's a jerk and did unspeakable things. I love crafting Jonathan and It makes me happy that you all understood my vision.**

 **On another note it's time for the date. Will it be amazing? Will it be a disaster? Will there be Burgers?!**

 **read and see my lovely's ;)**

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It's Complicated Chapter Six: The Not So Complicated Date

I walked out of Aline's bathroom sighing happily. It felt nice to get a hot steamy shower after days of not taking one. "You feel better" Aline asked smiling at me. I nodded sitting next to her on her nice white couch "It was heavenly thank you."

I took a look at the living room and couldn't help but compare it to Alec's. Alec's house was falling apart yet this place seemed like a comfy family home. She had nice white painted walls with framed art decorating it, a soft light brown carpet, and white couches that matched the walls. "How come you're apartment is so nice and Alec's is so… horrid?"

"We make a lot more money than Alec does and don't spend our earnings on drugs. If Alec knew how to save his money his apartment would look better but his addiction beats decent living every time" Helen said walking into the room holding a tray of tea. I smiled once she put the tray down and I grabbed one of the cups. "Alec got fired today. Do you think you can get him in with working with the two of you and Sebastian?"

Aline and Helen both looked at each other frowning causing me to frown as well. "Why are you frowning like that?" Aline looked at me "Magnus Alec is very well known in uptown." I shrugged "So he was well known before and he got people to sleep with him."

"There's a difference between sex and showing someone off" Helen pointed out. "If they slept with Alec it was a big secret so no one else knew about it but if someone tried to show Alec off as a date it would cause a scene." "Especially now with what happened the other day. Everyone knows he's here now they just don't know why" Aline chimed in.

"I bet they're just itching to know why now though. I'm sure they would kill to know what Alec does down here and why." I frowned looking into my cup of tea thinking about that. People would want to know what Alec is up to down here and I have the power to show them.

I collected all of the data and know everything they would ever want to know about him. If I gave my findings to Valentine I would be guaranteed the job I always wanted. Alec wouldn't even know about it since they didn't get the paper down here. "What are you so deep in thought about" Aline asked watching me.

I looked at her smiling "just thinking about Alexander. He asked me to go to dinner tonight which is strange for him." Both Aline's and Helen's jaws dropped "He asked you to dinner?" I put my hands up defensively "It's not a date or anything like that."

Aline shook her head "You don't know that. How did he ask you?" I thought back on it "well I offered to microwave his food I got him already but he doesn't like microwaved food so he suggested going to dinner. I called him Alexander, which he said before he left that he doesn't want me calling him that, but after I said it this time he said it was okay that I said it. He said he 'liked the way that I said it'. He was acting like a whole new person."

Both girls looked at each other smiling before looking at me "Magnus don't you see what happened" Aline asked excitedly. I shook my head no "I can't say that I do." Helen smiled "Alec asked you on a date. This dinner tonight is a date."

I got wide eyed beyond shocked "there's no way this is a date. You're wrong it's just a normal dinner." Aline rolled her eyes "Oh come on Magnus, Alec isn't picky about food like that. He can eat it microwaved, cold, you name it. He wanted an excuse to go out to eat with you."

"That doesn't mean this is a date Aline." "He said he likes the way you say his name. Alec doesn't come out and boldly say things like that. He may act like a hard serious guy but under it all he's a sweet shy little teddy bear. He doesn't have the guts to say things like that."

I looked between them both. "You're being serious aren't you? You really think this is a date?" They both nodded and I couldn't keep the excited smile off of my face.

Alexander Lightwood wanted to go on a date with me. Alec, who has never been on a real date or has ever had a real boyfriend. He wanted to take a chance on me and actually go on his first ever date. The thought was an honor but it also scared me half to death.

I kept telling myself this week that I wasn't going to get swept away by Alec. He was gorgeous yes and had the most amazing blue eyes but that wasn't going to distract me from the reason I was even here. I didn't expect to meet someone like Alec though. Someone so full of drive and cares so much about others.

I told Camille that I wouldn't fall for someone from downtown, that I wouldn't be drawn to the broken like I always am. Alec's different though in so many ways. He has so much baggage but he tries to carry it all on his own. He doesn't try to push it onto others like so many of my past lovers have done.

Alec may be broken but he is more than that. He is sweet and kind though you wouldn't know it at first glance. He cares about family and friends and would move mountains for the ones he loves. I would be lucky to make someone like that look my way.

I smiled like a giddy little girl before looking back at Aline and Helen. "I can't believe we're going on a date." I lost my giddy smile then and looked down at myself "I have nothing to wear. I wore my best outfit to that party the other night."

Aline smiled putting her hand on my shoulder "don't worry about how you look Magnus. Alec isn't one to care about stuff like that. Just make sure to show him a great time and to be yourself. Who knows, you may see a side to Alec you've never seen before."

I nodded standing up "I hope you're right girls. I'll make sure to come over and tell you the deeds tomorrow." "You better or we'll hunt you down and force you to tell us" Aline said smiling. I nodded smiling back at her before grabbing the clothes I came in and leaving.

On the way home I felt like I was floating on a cloud of happiness. I never knew how much I wanted to be with Alec till the possibility of it was shoved in my face. I started noticing these feelings after Alec and I danced the other night but all of those feelings had to take a back seat once the drama erupted. Now that Alec may be showing interest as well the feelings came back at full force.

"I hope they're right. I really hope this is a date." My cloud of happiness dissolved once my phone started ringing. "I bet its Ragnor calling to talk me into coming home again" I sighed before pulling my cell out and looking at the caller ID. I gasped seeing Valentines name scroll across the small screen and I quickly answered it.

"Hello Mr. Valentine sir" I said trying to sound professional but my nervous shaking voice betrayed me. "Hello Magnus, do you have a story for me yet?" I frowned thinking about Alexander "I think so sir." "Ah good I want you to come here tomorrow and run it by me."

I frowned at this "But I have three more days' sir." "I need a story to put on the stands this weekend and I'm hoping you have one for me. Either you have it to me by tomorrow or you forget ever working for me." I clenched the phone tight and before I could stop myself words started spewing out of my mouth.

"I have information on Alexander Lightwood sir." I covered my mouth after the words came out shocked I actually said it. "Alexander Lightwood you say? He's a huge topic of conversation right now in uptown" He said sounding interested.

I frowned dropping my hand "I know sir. I have been watching him all this week and I know everything about him. His job, his lifestyle, why he's downtown. He has a really bad drug addiction as well." My mind was screaming at me to stop talking but my mouth wouldn't listen.

There was silence on the other end of the call before an interested voice said "Magnus, bring me that story tomorrow and I won't just give you a job. I'll make you my top reporter." I gasped in shock "Top reporter?" Top reporter got first dibs on all of the best stories.

"I hope that will motivate you to have your story done by tomorrow." I nodded "That's plenty motivation sir." "Very well, is there anything else we need to discuss?" I thought for a moment "Actually we do sir. I met your son Jonathan."

More silence on the other line before he said "Oh?" "Um yeah, he's a companion who dates people for money and he goes by the name of Sebastian Morgenstern." "Let me tell you something about my son Magnus. He's has been and will always be nothing but a disappointment to the Morgenstern name."

I frowned at that "I know he's a bit of a jerk but he can't be that bad." Valentine actually laughed which was shocking in itself. "Magnus, Jonathan is a weakling. He has no talents and is a pushover I don't even think 'jerk' is in his vocabulary because he's too nice."

I remembered Sebastian shoving me up against a wall and choking me just for saying Valentines name. "Are you sure we're talking about the same son?" "I only have one. Enough about Jonathan, get that story to me by lunch tomorrow am I understood?"

I nodded smiling "understood, I'll see you tomorrow." Valentine hung up and the moment he did my heart fell to my toes. I just threw Alexander under the bus and promised to publish his pain for the world to see. I shook my head trying to convince myself that it wasn't true.

I didn't betray Alec. If anything I am helping him by showing uptown just how horrible his parents are. He'll get help and everyone will respect him because he worked so hard under bad circumstances. I wish I didn't mention the drug addiction but maybe it's a good thing I did.

"You didn't do anything wrong Magnus. Alec and you will end up together and he'll get the help he needs thanks to your work shedding some light on his life." Even out loud it sounded ridiculous to my ears but there was no turning back now. I just hope in the end I can have my dream job and Alec both.

I got to the apartment and when I went inside Alec was sitting on the arm of the couch looking lost in thought. I don't even think he noticed I walked in. I cleared my throat to get his attention and a small blush appeared on his otherwise pale cheeks before he looked up at me. "What's on your mind" I asked smiling at how cute he was.

Alec was surprisingly dressed nice for our dinner date. He had on black jeans, a dark blue long sleeved shirt that brought out his eyes, and black combat boots. "Oh um, I was just wondering where we should go and eat" he said playing with his hands in that cute nervous way that he does. I smiled "let's walk around and see what catches our eye."

He nodded standing up and grabbing a black coat that was covered in rips. "sounds good to me." I frowned looking at his scraps of coat before smiling "one moment" I said before walking over to my suit case. I pulled out a few coats wondering which one would look best on him before pulling out a black coat with black false fur on the inside for warmth.

I held the coat out for him and he shook his head no "That looks way to nice and I don't wear fur." I rolled my eyes smiling "it's not real fur and it's not that nice. I got it two years ago and it's not even in season anymore. The only reason I packed it was because it matches one of my outfits."

Alec still looked skeptical as I pulled the torn coat out of his arms and threw it on the couch. I held the new coat open for him to put his arms in it and he hesitated a bit longer before doing just that. Once the coat was on him he buttoned it up and looked at the sleeves smiling. "Wow, it's so warm."

I smiled thinking he looked adorable. "When was the last time you wore a warm coat?" He grabbed his gloves that had a couple fingers missing "two years, I couldn't really pack any warm clothes before getting kicked out. I couldn't pack anything."

I looked at his gloves wishing I remembered to pack some to give him. "Well you have a warm coat now. No need to give it back I really don't need it anymore." Alec looked like he was about to protest but I just walked away holding the front door open for him.

He shook his head putting on his gloves before walking out of the apartment smiling at me. I smiled back as I closed the door behind me and we both made our way down the steps. "So what kind of food are you in the mood for" I asked jumping over the last three steps onto the sidewalk.

Alec made a thinking face that made me hold back at gushing over how adorable he can be. How had I not noticed all these cute things about Alec before? He's down right adorable! "I don't really know, a burger kind of sounds good right now."

I always had a moto that a burger and fries were never to be a date food because it just seemed like something friends eat together. Normally a date suggesting that would make me irritated but I actually didn't mind with Alec. "I think a burger sounds amazing" I said smiling.

He smiled back at me "well there's a diner down the block that has amazing burgers. Seriously the diners uptown don't even compare to how good these ones are." I crossed my arms "I don't know Alexander. Joe's burgers is tough to beat."

Alec laughed and his laugh was like angels singing. "Yeah I love Joe's to but this place really is better. I bet you fifty bucks." I smiled raising an eyebrow "we betting now?"

He smirked at me "Unless you're afraid to lose Uptown boy." I smirked back at him and shook his hand "challenge accepted Downtown." Alec let go of my hand before he continued walking. I followed him looking around wondering what I should do if this date goes so well that Alec wants me to stay here with him.

The thought itself was ridiculous. Alec would never ask anyone to stay here even if he wanted me to but that doesn't mean he can't come home with me. Michael Wayland offered to help him after all so maybe it would be alright to ask him one more time to come with me.

"Oh no" Alec groaned as he stopped walking and looked up. I got out of my thoughts and looked at him "What is it?" little white specks moved in front of my eyes making me look up. Snow was falling at a slow pace in the sky.

"Why say 'oh no' to snow? It's beautiful" I said looking back at Alec. He looked at me and the white flakes were already getting caught in his raven black hair. "Snow is bad here. It means people are going to start dying soon."

I frowned remembering the talk Alec and I had the day we first met. He said he lived on the street once and the shelters didn't allow a lot of people inside. The police just wait for you to die so there's less downtowners to deal with. I looked around at the people sitting on the sidewalks without homes and some of them were looking at the snow crying.

My gaze stopped on one woman in general that was holding two children in her arms. She looked like she was starving and she was shaking from the cold. Alec must have noticed her to because he was crossing the street to get to her. I followed him wondering what he was going to do.

The two kids, a boy and a girl, both looked excited once they saw Alec coming. Once he got to them they both stood up and hugged Alec's legs. "Alec we haven't seen you in forever" the little boy said looking up at them. Alec gave them his famous big brother smile rubbing their heads "sorry I've been a little busy."

He looked at the mom frowning "Did your husband leave again?" I frowned looking at Alec before looking at the woman who just stared at her children not saying a word. The little girl let go of Alec hugging herself "It's cold out here Alec." Alec watched her before taking off his coat and putting it around her "Both you and your brother cover up with this alright?"

Both kids nodded and the mom finally looked at Alec. "Thank you, you're always helping us even though you have your own problems." Alec smiled at her and he crouched down touching her cheek once again in a brotherly way. "I only wish there was more I could do for you Amelia."

Amelia put her hand over Alec's smiling sadly "you do more than enough Alec." He smiled sweetly at her before standing up and looking back at the kids. "You two be good for your mother alright?" They both nodded "yes Alec."

Alec smiled at them before looking back at me "Let's go." I nodded following him down the street. "That was such a nice thing you did Alexander" I said looking at him. He shrugged frowning "When I was homeless all I wanted was a coat. Anything to give me even the tiniest amount of warmth would have been fine."

I shook my head putting my arm around him so he would be warm. "You are full of surprises Alexander." Alec's cheeks got red but I couldn't tell if he was blushing or if it was just cold outside. "Is that a good thing" he asked hesitantly.

I smiled not able to help but think he was the cutest person in the whole world. "Of course Alexander. I absolutely love surprises… when they're good ones that is." Alec nodded frowning "It seems all I ever get is bad surprises."

His face got redder before he glanced at me "Well, you were a surprise… and you aren't bad." I smiled cuddling closer to give him more warmth "So cute." We stopped at the front of the diner and he pulled away from me before holding the door open for me to enter. I smiled going inside and he followed behind me.

The diner was small but it was very cute. There were booths all over the place, some in the middle of everything and others more isolated for privacy. Alec walked over to a booth that had a little bit of both. It wasn't in the middle but it wasn't completely isolated either.

We sat down and a sweet girl with a southern accent came to take our orders. "What can I get you boys?" I grabbed my menu wondering what I should have but Alec took it out of my hands and gave both my and his menus to the waitress "We'll have my usual." She smiled nodding before walking away to put in the order.

I watched her before looking at Alec "you come here often enough to have a usual? I thought you couldn't afford to eat out that much." Alec rolled his eyes but at least he was smiling. "Sebastian loves this place so we come here a lot."

I rested my elbow on the table before laying my chin in my palm "okay and what is this usual you ordered for us?" Alec smirked "well you're going to have to taste it and find out. I'll give you a hint though, it's a burger." I should have known as much since he was praising the burgers on the way here but now I had to wonder what kind of burger he ordered.

The waitress, who's name tag said Susie, came back putting down a couple root beers before walking away again humming to herself. I watched her before looking back at Alec "well isn't she a ball of sunshine?" Alec smiled watching Susie "she may just be the sweetest girl in the whole world. She's also the reason why this is Sebastian's favorite place."

This completely shocked me "Sebastian has a crush on that sweet little thing?" Alec nodded "hard to believe I know. She actually likes him to. They flirt all the time when we come here but I really don't think they notice that they're flirting with each other."

I tried to imagine Sebastian flirting with our sweetheart waitress but the idea wouldn't form in my head. It was even harder trying to picture her flirting back. "If they like each other why don't they date?" Alec frowned at this and took a sip of his root beer.

"Sebastian has trust issues and he doesn't know how to give his heart away. I never really knew why he was that way until earlier today when he talked to me about it." That peeked my interest "did you find out why he chose to come to downtown?" He nodded "Yes but it's not my story to tell."

The reporter in me wanted to push for answers but I knew better than to try to push Alec. I didn't want to ruin this date. I looked into Alecs eyes thinking that I never did confirm wither or not this was indeed a date. "Can I ask you something?"

Alec nodded giving me his full attention. It was nice knowing Alec wasn't one of those people who only pretended to care about what you were saying. "So um, Aline and Helen said this was a date. Is it?"

Alec blushed slightly stirring the ice in his cup with his straw. He was avoiding eye contact with me as he did this. "Do you want it to be one" he finally said, answering my question with a question. "I was hoping it was one yeah" I said being completely honest.

Alec looked at me seeming a little shocked before he nodded shyly "I was asking you on a date." I smiled not able to help it and I reached across the table grabbing Alec's hand. Alec looked at our hands before looking back at me looking into my eyes. "I'm honored to be your first real date Alec."

He blushed a little again but he smiled making his blue eyes shine. "You really want to go on a date with me? We drive each other crazy though." I nodded smiling "you do drive me crazy but in a good way."

Alec laughed "I didn't know there was such a thing as driving someone crazy in a good way." I smiled at this "Believe me Alexander it exists. Just ask all of my friends they will tell you." "You mean your grumpy friend Ragnor from the party the other night" he asked smiling before losing his smile at the thought of the party.

I squeezed his hand trying to give him comfort "it's okay to think about the party. Some good things happened that night to. Like you learning to dance." Alec looked into my eyes "I was a horrible dancer."

I shook my head no smiling "you were amazing." Alec smiled slightly squeezing my hand back but the contact didn't last long because he let go of my hand once Susie brought our food. I looked down at the huge burger piled up with topping sitting on my plate. "How does this even fit in your mouth" I asked shocked.

Alec grabbed his burger and bit into it like it was no big deal. "It's messy but I promise you it's the best burger you will ever have." I smiled picking up my burger "you have fifty bucks riding on that opinion darling." I bit into the burger and my eyes went wide at the number of flavors that hit my tongue all at once.

"This burger is amazing" I said with my mouth full making Alec laugh at me. "I didn't understand a word of that but I'm going to guess you called it amazing." I nodded taking another bite. I really thought he was going to be wrong about how good this tasted but he was far from wrong.

"You owe me and my opinion fifty bucks 'darling'" he said mocking the way I called him darling moments ago. I nodded pulling fifty dollars out of my pocket and handing it to him. He took it, shoving it into his jean pocket. "This doesn't count with the money you owe me."

I frowned thinking about that before looking at him "you may get that money sooner than promised actually. I have to go home tomorrow." Alec lost his smile looking at me "but you have three more days." "Work is making me have to go home earlier" I said frowning.

He looked at the table still frowning "you know… I decided to take a chance and go home today." I looked at him completely shocked. "You want to go back uptown?" he nodded playing with his hands again "I want to try to make something out of my life."

I smiled "this is amazing Alexander, are you planning on going to rehab?" He nodded still looking at the table. "I can't keep leaning on drugs whenever life gets hard. I want to get clean and put my life back together."

He glanced up at me "I was hoping I could start over with you." That shocked me even more "what do you mean?" He shrugged "I don't know. I was thinking after I got out of rehab you and I could start fresh and maybe date."

I watched him waiting for him to say it was a joke but he just stared back waiting for my answer. "You really want to date me? You would come back home for me?" He nodded looking down at his food "I'm still mad at my siblings for what they did but I'm sure I will forgive them in time. I'm just tired of letting my life pass me by."

I smiled reaching my hand across the table and taking Alecs squeezing it tight. He looked at our hands before meeting my eyes again. "I'm proud of you Alexander." He blushed and smiled squeezing my hand back.

"Do you think I can handle it" he asked softly. I nodded smiling at him "without a doubt. You are the most resourceful guy I know. Uptown will be a breeze for you."

He sighed leaning back in his chair "rehab won't be a breeze. I can't even handle withdraw for longer than an hour. How am I supposed to ride it out for a year or even longer? I hear you could be clean for a year and be alright then withdraw hits you again without any notice."

Alecs hand was shaking in mine making me frown "are you afraid Alec?" he nodded squeezing my hand tighter. "I'm afraid I'll fail." I put my free hand on top of his "you won't fail. I'll be there every step of the way for you."

"You won't be able to stay there with me. I won't always have you there" he said frowning. I nodded "true but you'll have great doctors you can turn to if you need help and I can come visit you as much as they'll allow me to. You have nothing to fear Alexander."

He looked back at me and nodded "I'll try as hard as I can to get better." I smiled and kissed his hand before letting it go and going back to eating. He went back to eating as well looking lost in thought. It still shocks me that he decided to go home after everything that happened.

He wouldn't go back when Jace asked him yet he thought dating me was something worth going home for. It won't be easy sitting on the sidelines while he's in rehab and I'm sure my parents will freak out once they find out what he's been doing with his life. Alec is worth all of the scrutiny I'll most likely get once my article comes out on Sunday. I just hope the article itself doesn't affect Alec's recovery.

"Alexander… there's something I need to tell you. It's about the reason I'm here." Alec wiped his mouth with his napkin looking at me. "I've been wondering what watching me for a week had to do with fashion." I bit my lip wondering if I should really come out and say it.

"I wanted to add a little more edge to my designs. I was thinking downtown could inspire me to do that." Alec smiled at this "and did it inspire you?" He shook his head no "downtown no but you inspire me every day I'm with you."

Alec blushed again meeting my eyes "I inspire you?" I nodded "I lived in a world that wasn't real. Just an illusion made up from living in uptown all my life. You opened my eyes to what the world really is and I appreciate it."

Alec smiled "I'm not that impressive." I shrugged smiling "I disagree with that. I think you're very impressive and I can't wait to see all you accomplish once you get clean and start living your life again." Alec thought about that frowning "I don't know what I want to do."

"You don't have to figure it out all right now Alexander. You have ninety days of rehab to think about the future there's no rush." He nodded "I'm just so scared that I'll do all that work and then nothing will come from it." I grabbed his hand again smiling "you'll have me."

He met my eyes again frowning "Are you sure about that? We've only known each other for a few days. What's the point in you waiting ninety days for someone you barely know? What if you meet someone else and want to be with them?"

I held up my hands "whoa Alexander one question at a time. I can assure you that I have never nor will I ever find anyone more interesting then you." Alec rolled his eyes at this "I'm not that interesting Magnus. I'm dull, moody, and anti-social."

"You may dress in old sweaters and are a little shy but that doesn't mean you aren't interesting. As for the moodiness, that's just your wall of protection. People you trusted hurt you so to not get close to anyone else you act moody toward them so they will stay away." Alec nodded "I guess that is what I do."

I smiled "You are amazing Alec. Just ask Aline, Helen, and Sebastian. They all love you though Sebastian has a weird way of showing it. You just have to believe in yourself." He looked like he was thinking about that before he nodded "I want to believe in myself."

I smiled and stood up holding my hand out to him. "Come on let's get home. You have some packing to do and some people to say goodbye to." Alec looked at my extended hand nervously before reaching out grabbing my hand.

* * *

 **So did you all like their cute date? I for one had fun with the burgers and now i'm in the mood to eat one.**

 **Sooooo The next couple chapters are going to be a wave of emotions. Like seriously, they will be the most emotional chapters I have ever written in my life. Alec's rehab is coming up meaning the next two chapters are going to be in Alec's Pov more than Magnus's. Magnus will maybe have a small section at the very beginning but it will be revolving Alec and will be a two patter.**

 **Get the tissues ready friends because it's going to be a wild ride.**


	7. The Complicated Recovery Part One

**This is really quick but I had a lot planned for these next to chapters and was too excited to wait on updating. Part one of Alec's recovery is here and it's not going to be easy. I was so focused on Alec's recovery that I made an outline of what's going to happen before I actually wrote the chapter. I hope I made Alec's withdraw accurate enough, I did a lot of research for this chapter.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to hear your opinion on the first part of Alec's rehab.**

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It's Complicated Chapter Seven: The Complicated Recovery Part One

 **Day One**

Magnus Pov- I let Aline, Helen, and Sebastian into the apartment smiling "I'm glad you came to say goodbye." Sebastian looked at me glaring "I came here to say goodbye to Alec not you. I could care less where you go." I sighed "as friendly as every Sebastian."

Alec walked out of his room holding a small duffle bag full of his clothes. "I have more stuff than I thought" he said setting it on the couch. Aline smiled hugging him tight "I can't believe our little boy is going into the real world." Alec hugged her back smiling "I'm going to try."

Sebastian rolled his eyes "oh please, down here is the real world for most people. Uptown is the fantasy." Alec looked at him and let go of Aline walking up to him "maybe fantasy will be better." Sebastian shrugged "maybe for you."

Alec smiled and hugged him making Sebastian pat his back awkwardly. "I'll miss you" Alec said smiling. Sebastian moved away from him clearing his throat "yes well, I suppose I'll miss you too." I looked at Aline "I don't think I'll ever understand their relationship."

Aline laughed putting her arm around Helen's shoulders "I don't think anyone understands their relationship." Sebastian looked over at us "it's none of your business anyways." I rolled my eyes "I won't be missing you one bit" He smirked "the feeling is mutual."

"Okay you two stop bickering. This is supposed to be celebrating Alec making good choices" Helen said smiling. I nodded grabbing Alec's hand looking into his eyes. "Alec's going to go into rehab, get clean, and then we'll live happily together."

Alec looked up at me smiling "I'm so nervous." Aline smiled "if anyone can handle uptown it's you Alec. If it gets too hard you can always come back and we'll be here with open arms." I looked at them frowning "let's hope it doesn't come to that."

I don't want Alec to think he's trapped uptown but I also don't want him to get too comfortable with the idea of running the second things get hard. Alec isn't that kind of person but who knows how hard the rehab will be on him. "Thanks Aline but I don't want to come back here unless it's to visit you all. I need to fix my life and I know it'll be hard at first but I can handle it."

I smiled and kissed Alec's cheek proud of him. Helen smiled "that's great to hear Alec. We wish you the best of luck in your new life." Alec nodded and I grabbed his bag along with the stuff I brought "Let's head out."

Alec took a deep breath before nodding "right." He hugged Aline and Helen "I'll miss you both." Aline smiled "we'll come visit you soon." He nodded smiling and he left with me.

Once we got uptown we went straight to Michael Wayland's house. Alec used the business card Michael gave him and called him the night before to tell him he was ready for help. Michael offered to sign Alec into rehab personally and even pay for the treatment. Of course Alec hated someone else paying for him but he had no choice but to take the offer.

Michael answered the door smiling and let us in "I'm happy to see you again Alexander." Alec looked around the living room before looking back at him "just Alec is fine." He nodded before looking at me "I was surprised to hear you were with a member of the Bane family." I smiled grabbing Alec's hand "I'm his boyfriend."

The title of boyfriend made Alec blush but he nodded in agreement. Michael smiled "well I'm happy you found someone to stand by you during this difficult time." I nodded kissing Alec's cheek before letting go of his hand. "I have some work that needs to be done but I'll be right back and will go with you to sign into rehab."

Alec's face went pale and I'm sure it's from the realization of what he was about to do. "I'll be here when you get back." I nodded and walked with Michael to the door "make sure he is actually here okay?" He nodded "I will, come back soon okay?"

I nodded and walked out heading straight to Circle Inc. for my meeting with Valentine. When Alec fell asleep last night I got on my laptop and typed out my article. I wrote about everything. Alec's upbringing, his family's betrayal, where he worked and what he did.

I wrote about his drug addiction and the melt down he had the night before Jace came. Everything I experienced down there I wrote about. A part of me was screaming at me to turn back and not turn it in. It said Alec wouldn't like this and I'm messing everything up.

I had to publish this story though because people need to know what Robert Lightwood did to Alec. They need to know the hell he has been through for the past two years. Maybe people will think of Alec as a strong kid who did what he had to do to survive. They had to think that way if I was going to keep Alec.

I stopped in front of the large building again frowning up at it just like the day I first got the assignment. I thought I would get a big story but I never expected to find what I found. I never expected to change so much either. Alec changed me in so many ways and now I'm going to help him.

I took a deep breath before going through the doors and up the elevator. Valentine had his office door open and the moment the elevator door opened he called me into his office. I swallowed my last shred of guilt before entering the room shutting the door behind me. He pushed a mug of coffee toward me "have a seat Magnus."

I sat in the chair in front of his desk and grabbed the mug sipping at the coffee. It tasted like heaven on my tongue since I've been drinking nothing but old coffee for the past week. "I'm eager to see what you have for me Magnus. I trust it's as good as you said on the phone."

I nodded reaching into my bag and pulling out a file holding it out to him. Valentine took the file and pulled out my article skimming through it. Every moment of silence as he read made my heart speed up more and more. Did he like it? Did he think it was garbage?

My heart stopped racing when a smile appeared on his face. "This is very good Magnus. It's more than I expected." I smiled relieved "I want Alexander's story to be told."

He put the paper on the table "and it shall be told." He held his hand out to me "congratulations Magnus Bane, you are now my top reporter like promised." I shook his hand in shock "I'm really your top reporter?" He nodded letting go of my hand "based on this I'm expecting great things from you Magnus."

I stood up smiling "I promise you'll get great every time sir. You'll get nothing but my best." Valentine nodded "you may go." I nodded heading to the door but I stopped in front of it thinking.

"Was there something else" Valentine asked watching me. I looked back at him "I wrote at the end about Alexander going into rehab and changing his life. Can you make sure that Alec making his life better comes across to everyone? I want them to know he's getting better."

Valentine nodded "Of course… I actually have something to ask you about Jonathan." I blinked confused "you mean Sebastian?" He flicked his wrist in an uncaring gesture "whatever he's calling himself now a days. Are you sure you found him downtown?"

I nodded "it was definitely him" I said pointing to the family portrait on the table. "Though his eyes were black and not green. He must have been wearing contacts." He folded his hands looking irritated "that ungrateful son of mine ran away years ago. I've been looking for him."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion "what are you going to do now that you found him?" Valentines irritated face soon turned to a delighted smile but it seemed forced. "I'll welcome him home to his family of course. He's a Morgenstern after all, it's about time he started acting like it."

I tried to imagine Sebastian running Circle Inc. some day and the thought was impossible to fathom. "I need to go get Alec to rehab with Mr. Wayland. I wish you luck with Sebastian… I mean Jonathan." He nodded looking lost in thought now "See you soon Magnus."

Alec Pov- I looked up at the place that was going to be my home for the next ninety days and my legs felt as heavy as led. I can't do this. I don't have the will power to face this. I turned around to run but Magnus grabbed me by the shoulder "whoa Alexander calm down."

I stopped struggling to get out of his grasp and he let go of my shoulders cupping my face in his hands. "You're going to get through this Alec. You're strong willed." I closed my eyes tight "I feel like I can't breathe."

"You're just scared but this is for the best Alec. I promise you you'll be happy once you're clean" Michael said watching me. I glanced at him before looking back at Magnus, meeting his eyes. "I can't do this alone."

Magnus stroked my cheek with his thumb frowning down at me "you are never alone. You have me and Michael to support you. You'll have people in there who will understand what you're going through and help you. Not to mention all the doctors and therapists."

I swallowed hard before trying to calm myself down. "I wish you would be in there with me." Magnus nodded putting his forehead to mine and closing his eyes "I'll come visit as much as I can." I closed my eyes breathing in his scent and moments later I could feel his lips slowly press against mine.

I kissed him back wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. Once Magnus pulled away he smiled down at me "you ready?" I shook my head no "no but I have to do this." He nodded letting me go and grabbing my duffle bag.

I watched him before looking at Michael Wayland "lets go." He nodded putting his arm around me and the three of us walking into the building. The inside reminded me of the resorts I used to go to with my family when I was young. There was nice lobby furniture that you would see in a hotel and the room was made up of large windows that didn't open.

Outside the windows I could see palm trees all over and there was also a large in ground pool. "Wow this place looks great" Magnus said also looking out the window. I shook my head looking down "they just want to trick me into thinking I'm going somewhere fun and relaxing. That is the last thing this is."

Magnus frowned at me and grabbed my hand again squeezing it "just give it a chance Alexander." I looked at him frowning before letting go of his hand and going over to the desk with Michael. The secretary at the desk was a young nice looking girl, she was even prettier when she smiled. "Can I help you" she asked looking right at me.

I wasn't surprised she singled me out, if anyone had a drug addiction in our small group of three it would be the one who looked run down and dirty like me. Michael put his hands on my shoulders "I'm here to Sign Alexander Lightwood in. He's eighteen but I would like to be responsible for him so he can't sign himself out." I glanced up at him before looking at the girl frowning.

She nodded handing Michael paperwork "Sign some of these papers and we'll take him to the back." I held my breath as he grabbed a pen and signed my fate with his signature. Once he handed the papers back the girl smiled at me "come back with me Alexander and we'll get you all settled." I looked back at Magnus frowning "I'm scared."

Magnus smiled sadly at me before holding my bag out to me "you'll be just fine Alec. I have faith in you. Aline, Helen, and Sebastian are cheering you on too." I thought about my friends who were so happy to see me come here.

"Let's hope I don't disappoint them" I said grabbing my bag and going back with the lady. I followed her to some doors before taking one more look back at Magnus. He waved to me smiling and I nervously waved back before going through the doors with the girl. She led me to a small doctor's office and had me sit down in one of the chairs.

"Do you understand what's going to happen here Alec" She asked as a security guard grabbed my bag and put it on a table starting to look through it. I watched him frowning before looking back at her shaking my head no "not really." She sat in a chair in front of me making eye contact with me. "Tonight you will be staying in the detox room where we allow your body to clear out any drugs that may be in your system. I can tell by the glassiness of your eyes that you recently snorted cocaine."

I frowned thinking about how I snorted in Michael's bathroom while he was on the phone and Magnus was away at work. I couldn't help but get high it was the only way I could calm my nerves. It's not like I snorted a lot of it, just enough to take the edge off. I thought it would be harmless.

"You'll go through a night of withdraw symptoms but there'll be a nurse there to help you get through riding out your first withdraw. The first one is always the worst. Once your night of detox is over we'll set you up in a room. You'll have freedom to walk around but we'll be keeping a very close eye on you."

I nodded leaning back in my chair frowning. I've never ridden out a full on withdraw before. The thought of even trying to do that filled me up with panic. Can I really do this?

"There are group therapy sessions that you are required to attend. Talk about your addiction and maybe what led to you being addicted. All the people in the group have been where you are so I swear there's no one there that will judge you." "I'm not good with talking to strangers or talking about my feelings" I said frowning.

"The group will help you get used to being here a lot quicker. Don't fight the help being given to you and the ninety days you're here will fly by." I nodded before glancing over at the security guard. He was pulling out my clothes and unraveled the baggie of drugs I had hidden in some of my sweaters.

The nurse looked at him before looking at me "if you have any more drugs on you it's best to give them to me now. They will just end up being confiscated in detox." I sighed rubbing my eyes tiredly before reaching into my jean pocket for the pain pills I took out of Michael's medication cabinet. I also pulled a tiny bag of cocaine out of my boot.

She took them both from me before handing them to the security guard to put with the rest of my taken stash. "I wish you a fast and healthy recovery Alec" she said before calling a nurse into the room. The nurse had me get up and she led me to the detox room where I was searched for more drugs and forced to take a shower. Once the shower was over they had me put on a hospital gown for the night saying withdraw will make me paranoid and being able to see my skin sometimes helps.

They put me in a small room that reminded me of a school nurses office. The beds were also like the ones you see in those offices, a hard cot with a sheet and paper like pillow. I laid down on that cot looking up at the ceiling made up of white tile and bright lights. So far this wasn't so bad but I knew this was just the calm before the storm.

"How are you feeling" the nurse asked sitting at her little desk and writing something down on a clipboard. Most likely monitoring my pain levels and how often withdraw strikes me. "So far so good I guess. I'm a little anxious."

She nodded still writing "that will happen, you're just worried but everything will be okay. I'm here to make this night go as painless as possible." I frowned knowing that this night would be far from painless. "It's not just a one-night thing though, I'll go through withdraw a lot through the next year or so right?"

She looked away from her clipboard looking at me "that depends on the person but yes there is a chance you can go long periods of time without a withdraw symptom and then it hit you suddenly. You can't be afraid of the future though. You have to take this one day at a time." I rolled my eyes at that saying that every person addicted to something seemed to live by.

I closed my eyes wanting to think of anything else but being here. A small smile appeared on my lips as the thought of Magnus came. In ninety days I'll be out of this place and I'll be living the life I always wanted beside Magnus. I don't have to hold back on dreaming anymore because now it's a possibility.

We'll take that money he owes me for watching me and we'll get a nice apartment just the two of us. We'll make our own small little family and I won't need to ever see my real family ever again. The happy thought of my future was interrupted by a sharp pain going up my back. I cried out hugging myself and the nurse got up walking over to me "does your back hurt?"

I nodded hugging myself tighter and curling into a ball. "It hurts so badly." She rubbed my back trying to help but it only made it feel worse. "The drugs made your nerves be shot. They're reacting to the after mass of the drugs you piled on them over and over again."

I closed my eyes tighter now feeling like a thousand ants were crawling all over my body. I scratched my arms gasping for air. "Somethings on me. There's bugs on me!"

I scratched more and more panicking. The nurse grabbed my arms forcing me to stop scratching "Alec this is just part of the nerve pain. You don't have bugs or anything on you." She pulled down the top half of my hospital gown showing me my skin.

"See, you have nothing on your skin. You have to try to stay calm okay?" I glared up at her "how the hell can I stay calm through this? I feel like I'm being torn apart."

I didn't think that it would feel this bad this soon. I thought it was supposed to gradually get worse with time but this was like getting hit by a truck. Every little movement I made added to the pain and I couldn't get it to stop. "Please make it stop" I cried out rolling around on the small cot.

The nurse watched me frowning before grabbing a couple needles and a tube. She forced me to lay as still as possible before she put an IV in my hand. I looked at the IV shaking as she took a syringe and shot something in the IV. "This will help you sleep. You'll still feel withdraw but hopefully you'll be too tired to react to them." I looked up at her still shaking and my eyesight started getting blurry before darkness took over.

 **Day 2**

The next morning when I opened my eyes they felt as heavy as led. Even with the sleeping enhancer I wasn't able to get much rest. I kept waking up screaming and thrashing around feeling like thousands of bugs were crawling on me. They said the first night of withdraw was going to be the worst and I hoped they were right.

"How are you feeling this morning Mr. Lightwood" a new nurse asked walking into the room. The other nurse that was with me must have gone home. I answered her with a shrug before looking down at my hands. They were no longer shaking which was a good sign I guess.

She unhooked the IV and took it out of my hand before helping me up. She handed me some of my sweatpants, boxers, and a T-shirt. "You really worked up a sweat last night huh? You should take a shower before I show you to your room."

I looked at my pile of clothes before walking into the small connected bathroom not saying a word to her. She was right about working up a sweat. When I looked in the mirror my hair was sticking to my forehead and the hospital gown stuck to me like a second skin. I tore off the hospital gown throwing it across the room in rage.

I couldn't control all the emotions there were taking over me. I was angry, sad, hurt, scared. I wanted to scream but at the same time I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I wanted to cry so that's just what I did.

I dropped my clothes on the ground, turned on the shower so it was on cold water, and I stepped into it sitting on the tub floor and hugging my knees crying as the water poured over me. Once I cried out all of my tears I stayed in that spot just staring straight ahead into nothingness. Why was I even doing any of this? What was the point?

Magnus's smiling face filled my head and I blinked for what felt like the first time in hours. I looked up at the water falling down and I closed my eyes as I let it hit my face and clear my head. I'm here for Magnus, I'm here for myself and I will not lose to this. There was no turning back now.

The nurse knocking on the door pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked over at the door. "Mr. Lightwood, are you almost finished?" I sighed pushing the mop of hair that was in my face back before standing up and turning off the shower. Grabbing a towel, I dried off before getting dressed in the clothes I was given.

Once I excited the bathroom the nurse smiled at me "you look as good as new." I shrugged following her as she led me out of the room and down the hall. As we walked I looked around at all the people I would be sharing this place with for the next few months. Some people were in a group playing card while others were alone either reading or staring into space.

We turned a few corners before she stopped in front of a white door with a little window in it. "This is going to be your room. You'll have it for yourself for a day but tomorrow you'll have a roommate." I sighed entering the room not too happy about getting another roommate.

"You can lay here for a little bit and relax. Your group therapy session begins is twenty minutes so you may want to eat ahead of time. Breakfast is in the lounging area." I nodded looking around the drab little room with two cot beds and two little windows that were too high up for anyone to reach to try to get out.

The nurse walked out closing the door behind her and I watched her before walking over to my bag laying on the bed. I started looking through it pulling out all my clothes and I frowned seeing that all my drugs really were gone. Closing my eyes I took some deep breaths. "This is a good thing Alec, you don't want to fall back on getting high."

I opened my eyes before walking out of the room going to explore a little before therapy. Once I got to the lounging area I looked over all the options for breakfast. There were eggs, pancakes, bagels, even some little boxes of cereal. It was more then I was used to having that was for sure.

"How much are we allowed to eat" I asked a girl who was in front of me putting yogurt and a muffin on her tray. She looked at me with a dazed expression before looking back at the food. "Oh um… I'm pretty sure it's all you can eat." I shrugged and started putting one of everything on my tray.

I haven't eaten since my date with Magnus. I was way too anxious to eat the night before and was even worse when Michael offered to make me lunch. Maybe filling up my belly will help me handle the things to come.

"Why are you here for" I asked the girl trying to make conversation. She picked up her tray glaring at me "sorry but it's none of your business. Stop talking to me freak" she said before walking away. I watched her stunned before glaring back at her "who you calling a freak bitch" I called out to her.

She just kept walking going to sit by the window and I watched her before shaking my head and heading in the other direction. I sat at a random table not really paying attention and I stabbed my fork into my eggs before shoving them in my mouth. "Having a bad first day" a familiar voice said from across from me. I blinked looking ahead and almost choked on my eggs seeing James Carstairs sitting across from me.

I swallowed my food before grabbing my napkin coughing into it. "What are you doing here James" I asked still slightly coughing. He leaned back in his chair taking an apple in his hand and picking at it "you can call me Jem" was all he said. I frowned before asking again why he was here.

He sighed glancing away "I have been here for months now." I shook my head confused "but you just had a birthday party thrown for you. You weren't here a few days ago. By the way sorry for ruining the party with my drama" I said remembering that I made a scene in front of everyone.

"Oh it's alright, you were thrown for a loop finding out your little brother died." He sighed putting down the apple. "I'm here because I have a really bad addiction I'm guessing like you have since you're also here." I nodded "that's why I'm here" I agreed.

He looked at me frowning "have you ever heard of my real parents Alexander?" I held up my hand "Alec is fine, and no I don't think I have. Charlotte Branwell adopted you right?" He nodded "She did. My parents before were horrible people and they're the reason I'm here."

I went back to eating but paid attention "how so?" He grabbed the apple again twirling it in his hands. "They were major drug addicts. When I was a child they would force me to snort cocaine with them almost every night. It caused me to have an addiction that I've never been able to shake."

"I've been at this rehab for four months now and it's still hard sometimes. It was so tempting to find a dealer and start up again while I was out for my birthday. My best friend William was watching me like a hawk though and he told me to use my violin as an escape instead of drugs." I smiled "you played beautifully that night."

He smiled sadly "I missed playing my violin. I'm not allowed to have it while I'm in here so playing it felt great." I frowned looking down at my pancakes I started eating "I wish I had a hobby to distract myself with once I get out." "I'm sure you will find one by time you leave" Jem said smiling.

I shrugged thinking and he looked at me curiously. "You know why I'm here now it's your turn. Why would Alexander Lightwood ever need to come to rehab?" I glanced up at him wondering how much I should tell him. "Well you see… I" I wasn't able to say because a nurse called for everyone attending the group therapy session.

I sighed standing up holding my tray of food "that's me. Are you in group therapy?" Jem shook his head no. "My family got me my own personal therapist."

"Luck you" I mumbled before dumping my food in the trash. I put the tray where it belonged before waving goodbye to Jem and heading to the group session. The room where the meeting was being held was the size of a normal classroom and there were ten seats in a circle. Six out of those ten seats were filled.

I sat in one of those empty seats looking at the people around me. Some of them looked like hell, as if they have only been here for a couple weeks. Others looked cleaned up and put together like they've been here for months. "Thank you all for coming" a young man who couldn't be older than twenty-five walked in taking a seat.

He looked at me smiling "We have a new friend joining us today. Would you like to introduce yourself?" I shrugged crossing my arms "I'm Alec Lightwood." He stared, waiting for me to say more but when it was obvious I wasn't going to speak on my own he said "tell us why you're here."

"That's really no one's business now is it" I asked meeting his eyes. His smile didn't waver and for some reason this made me like him less and less. "Alec everyone here has been through what you're going through. We won't judge you or your choices."

I looked around at the boys and girls around me wondering if any of them looked familiar. I knew some of them from my days of living uptown but not a single person was from downtown. "No… I don't think anyone here really has gone through what I went through." A teenage boy who couldn't be older then sixteen glared at me "you think you're better than us?"

The therapist looked at him "Calm down Jack, Alec didn't say anything about thinking he was better than you all." I looked at Jack "I don't think I'm better than you. I think my life was shittier than the rest of yours." The girl from breakfast who called me a freak crossed her arms "oh yeah? Were you roofied and ganged raped before left on the ground to die?"

I glanced at her not saying anything and she nodded crossing her arms. "That's what I thought." The therapist held his hands up "now everyone, calm down. It seems we're getting off on the wrong foot here."

He looked at me again "maybe if you tell us why you're here it will help you feel better." I glared at him "I don't have to tell anyone anything." He frowned at me "Alec you have to participate if you're going to be part of the group. You need to pass therapy to get out of here."

He pulled out a file and started looking through it. "It says here that you previously lived in downtown and worked as a prostitute until you were fired because of substance abuse." I stared at him completely shocked that he would just grab my folder and read my crap to everyone around. "Dose patient confidentiality mean nothing around here" I yelled standing up furious.

"Alec it's my job to help you recover. Holding things back and throwing tantrums won't get you anywhere. Stop denying the help being given to you and talk to us." I gritted my teeth watching him before saying "fuck you" and walking out of the room.

It surprised me that no one came after me but even if they did I don't think it would have mattered. He could have waited till I was ready to talk but instead he pulls out my personal file? What the hell is up with that? I don't even know if he's allowed to do that.

A nurse walked up smiling saying "Alexander Lightwood?" I looked at her "Alec's fine." She nodded "Alec then, you have a visitor." I blinked confused "I can have visitors this soon?"

She started walking making me follow her outside "he said you would really want to see him." I blushed wondering if it was Magnus. Who else would come a visit me so soon? Jace and Isabelle perhaps but I told Magnus not to tell them I was here yet.

"He's all yours" the nurse said happily to my guest. I looked ahead at him seeing him sitting at one of the tables and my heart dropped to my toes when I saw it was my father. "Long time no see Alexander" he said looking at me. I looked back at the nurse going to tell her I don't want to see him but she already walked away.

"Take a seat Alexander" he said gesturing to the bench seat across from him. I sighed before taking the seat facing him. It's been two years since I looked into those blue eyes that rivaled my own. His were a darker blue though making me always think it reflected the darkness of his heart.

"What do you want? How did you even know I was here?" "Michael told me. He said I should come here and try to fix things with you."

I frowned at Michaels betrayal but I couldn't be angry. Michael was always loyal to my father even after what he did to him. "let me guess, you aren't here to fix things." He shook his head no "I have nothing to fix. If anything you should be apologizing to me."

I looked at him shocked "excuse me?" "You could have just pushed back your desires and stayed the son I used to be proud of. Instead you were selfish and abandoned your family." "You abandoned me" I yelled slamming my hand on the table.

People were staring but I didn't give a damn. I was beyond furious. "You took Max away from me, you kicked me out making me go into the jaws of downtown, then you let Max think I didn't want to see him. You let him die without me there to say goodbye. I never even got to go to his funeral."

"You weren't welcome there. It was a Lightwood affair and you are no Lightwood" he said simply. I shook my head "I don't care about being a Lightwood. Lightwoods lie and cheat to get what they want. I don't need that and I don't need you."

"What do you think will happen once you get out of here Alexander? Do you think you can mooch off of Michael forever? The two gays sticking together that's a laugh." I frowned at him "how can you say such things about your best friend?"

"Michael hasn't been my best friend in a long time" he said pulling out a pocket watch and looking at the time. I glanced at the golden pocket watch remembering that mom said he got the watch from a close friend. "Then why do you keep the watch he gave you?" He closed the lid of the watch before looking at me "what?"

I pointed to the watch "Michael gave you that pocket watch correct? You always have it with you and whenever you're uncomfortable you check the time on it. I know you have other watches so why do you only ever carry that one? Could it be you feel guilty for turning him away?"

He glared at me "you don't know what you're talking about so you should just keep quiet." I shook my head "it's okay to miss your friend even though you're the one who pushed him away. He loved you and you hurt him. Even if you couldn't love him back you could have been more understanding."

I let out a dark chuckle "what am I talking about? You're the guy who so carelessly threw his son away so what difference is there in rejecting your best friend? You have no loyalty, no love in your heart and I pity you. I have people who love me way more then you ever did and ever will."

"You mean Magnus Bane" he asked making me flinch. I glared at him meeting his eyes "how do you know about Magnus?" "Isabelle told me. I'm sure she was trying to rub it in my face that you were living good even though I threw you out."

He gestured around us "look at where we are Alexander. Look at where we're sitting. Does it look like you have your life together?" I clenched my fists under the table "I'm working on getting better. Magnus and I will have a great life once I'm out."

Father laughed at this "He's a Bane Alexander. Banes are liars." "Oh? What does that make you then" I growled glaring at him.

He ignored me going back to talking "Magnus Bane will drop you before the week is even up let alone ninety days. What will you do then huh? You'll be right back where you started living among the garbage." I shook my head "you're wrong and you're a horrible person."

Robert sighed rubbing his temples "this conversation is going nowhere." "Why the hell are you even here" I asked crossing my arms. I just wanted to get back to my room and wallow in my depressing situation. Why couldn't it been Magnus who came to visit me?

"I'm here to tell you that you should just give up and go back where you belong. Uptown isn't your world anymore and you aren't meant to be here." I closed my eyes trying to ignore how much his words were hurting me. "You don't know that I can't belong here."

I opened my eyes looking into his once again "you don't know what I have had to do to survive. You don't know all of the crap I have been through these past two years. Yeah I got addicted to drugs but it was all I had to hang on to. You certainly weren't there to catch me."

I stood up "you wasted your time coming here. We talked and now it's over. Don't ever come see me again. I don't need you adding to the already spinning thoughts in my head."

He stood up shaking his head "you know you shouldn't be here Alexander. You should run before it gets too hard." He walked passed me leaving me by myself. I stood there clenching my fists trying to compose myself.

I couldn't fall apart out here in front of all these people 'secretly' eavesdropping on the conversation. I took a couple deep breaths before lifting my head high and walking back into the building heading straight to my room. I kept up this act until I was in my room and I closed the door behind me. "God, why did it have to be him?"

I leaned on the door closing my eyes tight before sliding down to the floor. I hugged my knees as I hid my face in them letting the tears finally come. It's only the second day and I already feel like I'm at the end of my rope. How can it get worse?

It did get worse though. As I was sitting there crying withdraw once again hit making me lay on the floor in pain. The feeling of bugs crawling on me returned and I closed my eyes tight "it's only your nerves acting up Alec. It's nothing."

My body didn't want to believe what I was saying. My heart sped up to a dangerous rate and my breaths turned into gasps as I tried to calm down. "Oh god, not now" I cried trying to calm down. A panic attack was the last thing I needed.

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay" I repeated but it wasn't working. The crawling of my skin got worse. My heart rate, breathing, everything was just attacking me at once. "Magnus… Magnus please help me" I cried hugging myself "come save me."

" _Alexander you need to calm down right now and take deep breaths."_ I heard Magnus's voice whisper in my head. It was like when I was having that panic attack in the ally and he helped me get over it. I shook my head looking down "I can't."

" _You must. You'll die if you don't."_ I remembered him saying that when I found out about Max and I started panicking then too. That time I asked Magnus who would care if I died. Now I know Magnus would care.

I took deep breaths closing my eyes. "Magnus cares about me. He's waiting for me to be out of here and we'll start our new life together." My heart finally stopped racing and I just laid on my back staring up into space as I rode out the withdraw.

"Everything's okay. I'm strong enough to face this. I can do this." I closed my eyes repeating those words over and over again until I drifted off to sleep.

 **Day Three**

I woke up shaking, not from withdraw but because I slept all night on the freezing floor with no blanket. "first night with a good bed and I don't even use it" I sighed sitting up and rubbing the knots out of my back. My face felt sticky from crying all night but besides that I felt okay. "Maybe I can really get through this" I said standing up and going over to the bag of clothes.

I pulled out my favorite gray sweater and some black jeans before changing. I needed to get some breakfast and was so thankful I actually got time to eat today and not have group therapy. Therapy was every other day but if I had it my way I would never have it. "Time for food" I said walking out of my room and heading to the lounge.

The nurse said today I would be getting a roommate and if they're anything like my last roommate I'll need a lot of energy. I smiled thinking about Magnus as the time we spent together in my small rundown apartment. A part of me missed the place. "We'll live together again soon" I said to myself before grabbing a tray and piling on food.

One of the employees walked up to me smiling "good morning. Would you like a newspaper? We get them every Sunday." I thought about that before nodding "what company?"

He pulled out two different papers "Circle Inc. or Light co.?" I rolled my eyes at the Light co. paper before taking the Circle Inc. one. "thank you." He nodded walking away and I looked at the front page of the paper wondering if I should see what I've been missing the past two years.

"It can't hurt I guess" I said putting the paper on my tray and finishing gathering more food. I couldn't find Jem today so I decided to sit at a table by myself. Having a quiet place to read was probably the best choice anyway. "let's see what it has to say" I said opening the paper and skimming for something that might catch my eye.

The word downtown caught my eye and I couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Wonder what lies they made up about downtown this time." I finished reading the title of the article losing my smile. "Downtown- The fall of Alexander Lightwood?"

I frowned staring at the title before looking at the name of the writer. My heart became heavy and dropped to my stomach as the words "by Magnus Bane" escaped my lips. I shook my head thinking this had to be wrong. Magnus was a fashion designer so why did this say different?

"Don't panic Alec. This could just be a trick from Valentine to get a rise out of you." That excuse sounded stupid even to my own ears. My brain yelled at me to read the article. I just had to read it and see what it was about and everything would be cleared up. I prepared myself for the worst before starting to read the article.

 _Downtown- The fall of Alexander Lightwood._

 _I was assigned to go downtown and find a story, any story to write about. I didn't just end up finding a story though. I found_ _ **the**_ _story, the one that makes or breaks a career. When I arrived downtown I went into a shady looking brothel were I met Alec Lightwood._

 _I'm sure all of you know him as Alexander Lightwood and thought he either went to war or ran away from home. That was not the case. Robert Lightwood, Alec's father and the CEO of Light Co. Threw Alec out of his house forcing him to go downtown to get some work and get on his feet. He lied about Alec giving up his position to take over the family business. The real story is that Robert took the job away from Alec because he decided he was gay._

 _That's the same reason Alec was forced to go downtown as well which wasn't very fare to him. Alec lived on the street for a couple months before finally being able to get a small rundown apartment for himself. The way he paid for said apartment was he sold his body to rich men. Alec has spent two years doing this everyday just so he can have a roof above his head._

 _He didn't get through living downtown unscaved though. Just so he can deal with living day to day Alec developed a drug addiction that consumed his whole life. If he got paid money he would get drugs before anything else, even before buying food. When I bought him food he ordered half the menu and scarfed down most of it in less than five minutes._

 _In the few days I was there I got to witness many breakdowns from Alexander. He got high and threw a vase at me before crying, he had many panic attacks, and he also screamed a lot to no end. I soon learned though that all the screaming was his way of protecting himself for he wouldn't be hurt again the way he was by his family._

 _Max Lightwood, Alec's little brother died without Alec's knowledge and his entire family kept the secret from him. He didn't know of his death before he went to an uptown party where rumors of his brothers passing was spreading around. Alec was devastated by the news and lashed out by abandoning his siblings and running back to downtown where he joined Raphael Santiago's mob. He's still working for him today and no longer speaks to his family._

I stared at those last two sentences completely stunned. The whole article was terrifying in itself but now he was flat out lying. Magnus told the world that I joined the mob? Why would he make up such a stupid lie?

I'm getting clean. I'm getting the help I needed for Magnus and I could live together and start over. This article said nothing about that, it said nothing about my rehab or what I'm trying to do. It just said I joined the mob and left it at that.

"How could he… how could he do this to me?" tears ran down my cheek and I quickly rubbed them away frowning. "He said he wanted to be with me so why would he write this? Why would he lie?"

I looked around me seeing people watching me and snickering. Each person watching me was holding the paper so that means they read the article. I wiped at my eyes again before getting up and going to my room wanting to lock the door and cry myself to death. I was here for Magnus, to make a life with Magnus so what am I supposed to do now?

I opened the door to my bedroom and stopped in place seeing someone with platinum blonde hair sitting on the ground hugging his knees and hiding his face in his hands. I composed myself enough to ask "Oh um… are you my new roommate?" He must not have heard me because he didn't move. "Excuse me" I said trying again walking up to him.

He looked up at me and I froze in place looking down at my friend Sebastian. "Sebastian why are you here?" Sebastian rubbed his tear filled eyes and I noticed that they were green and not black. "Did they take your contacts" I asked sitting down across from him.

He nodded frowning and he looked at me "I arrived last night. I just got out of that detox room and they took all of my stuff." I shook my head frowning "let's back up a little bit. Why are you here?"

He frowned "Magnus works for my father. He told him where I was and he sent some of his guys out to get me. They took my drugs, my contacts, and dragged me uptown to face my father. He told me that I was foolish for running away and once I get my act together I need to become the son he wanted."

I frowned remembering the talk we had the other day where he told me about his family. He ran away because Valentine abused him and made him feel trapped. Downtown was his freedom but now he was being thrown back into his worst nightmare and it was all because of Magnus. I frowned hugging my knees "Magnus betrayed me too."

Sebastian, though without his contacts I guess he's Jonathan, looked at me confused. "I thought you and Magnus were on good terms now. You came here for him right?" I slid the newspaper over to him and he looked at me before grabbing the paper looking it over.

Once he was done reading he looked at me shocked "how could he do that to you?" I shrugged laying my chin on my knee. "He lied about why he was watching me. He wrote this article then flat out lied about me joining Raphael."

Jonathan frowned looking over the article again "nothing about rehab what so ever. Magnus isn't the guy I thought he was." I nodded frowning "even if he said I went to rehab I would still feel betrayed. He's been lying to me all this time just wanting to use me for a juicy story."

Jonathan looked into my eyes frowning "what should we do?" I frowned not really knowing how to answer that and a nurse walked in looking down at us. "What're you two doing on the floor?" I stood up looking at her "Jonathan was having trouble so I was trying to calm him down."

She shrugged smiling at me "well Alec you have a visitor." I frowned "I'm not really in the mood for visitors." She looked at the clipboard in her hand "you sure? He said his name was Magnus Bane and you would want to see him."

I looked back at Jonathan frowning before looking at her "on second thought I will see him thank you." She nodded leading me to the meeting area outside. "Magnus said he was your boyfriend" she said trying to make conversation as we walked. I frowned thinking about that "not for long."

We got outside and Magnus smiled the moment he seen me making his face light up in that cute way that it did. I mentally slapped myself telling myself to snap out of it. 'He betrayed you. You can't think he's cute or let your anger die.'

I sat across from Magnus folding my hands on the table "Magnus" I said unkindly. This made Magnus lose that bright smile "what's wrong?" I set my jaw in irritation "you have the balls to sit in front of me and ask me what's wrong?" He reached over putting his hand on top of mine "Alexander I really don't see what you're so upset about."

I snatched my hand away glaring. "You know very well what you did Magnus. You wrote an article about me and lied about why you were watching me. Wanting an edgy look for your designs what load of shit!"

Magnus reached for my hand again but I pulled it away. "Alexander I know I lied but I didn't lie about how I feel about you. I love you." My glare got more intense as I stared at him "don't throw that word around Magnus. You obviously don't love me because you threw my life out there for everyone to read and then you flat out lied."

He looked confused "I may have lied about what my job was but I didn't write a single thing that wasn't true in that article." I shook my head "more and more lies." I glanced down at the ground seeing the suitcase of money he owed me laying there. "Is that my money?"

He frowned nodding and he picked it up putting it on the table. "I'm not really sure why I brought it. I figured we could plan what to do with it after you get out." "This money is mine and I'll do with it as a please without you."

Magnus watched me frowning "Alec I don't understand what's happening here." I grabbed the suitcase standing up. "You and I are over before we even began. You can do whatever you want with your life because I don't need you in mine."

Magnus stood up grabbing my arm "wait a second Alexander. You're going to give up on us because of my job?" I pulled away from him glaring "I'm giving up on us because you hurt me one too many times. Goodbye Magnus."

I could hear him yelling for me as I walked away but I ignored him heading back to my room. Once I got there Jonathan was pacing around the room freaking out. "Woah Jonathan calm down" I said walking up and putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me frowning "I feel like the walls are closing in on me."

I looked around the room "it's the same size as before I promise." He shook his head going back to pacing "I don't know what to do Alec. Go through ninety days of this, get clean, okay that's all well and good but what about after? I can't go back to being the disappointment of the Morgenstern family."

I shook my head frowning "you don't have to be. You're twenty, you're old enough to make your own choices. By law your father can't force you to stay with him." Jonathan rolled his eyes "the law doesn't matter to people like my father Alec."

He sat on the bed running his hands in his hair, clenching it tight. "I need my contacts. I'm not strong enough to deal with this without Sebastian." I sat next to him frowning "Jonathan you don't need contacts to be Sebastian. That's not what makes you him."

He shook his head closing his eyes tight "I know it's all a state of mind but it doesn't change the fact that I need them. When I wear those contacts I feel like a new person and it helps me. I can't be Sebastian without them." I frowned "you don't need Sebastian Jonathan."

He looked at me "what?" I shrugged "You don't need Sebastian and I don't need Magnus. We will get clean then once we get out of here we will make a life for ourselves. You and I together that's all we need."

He sat up straighter making eye contact with me "You really think we can do that?" I nodded smiling slightly. "It was Alec and Sebastian against the world right? Well Alec and Jonathan can be just as great if we make it happen."

He thought about it before nodding and laying his head on my shoulder "I trust you Alec." I laid my head on his closing my eyes "we'll be okay I promise." He opened his eyes looking at the suitcase in my hand "what's that?" I looked at the case "this is the money Magnus owed me."

"Are we going to use it when we get out" he asked looking back at me. I nodded standing up and stuffing the suitcase under my bed. "We can't let the nurses find it or they might take it away. There's over ten thousand dollars in here so that should be more than enough for us to get an apartment on the other side of uptown."

I looked back at him and held out my fist to him "let's swear to help each other get through rehab. We'll do this together Alec and Jonathan. Nothing our families do can stop us." Jonathan looked at me thinking before putting his fist to mine. "I hope you're right Alec."

* * *

 **So what did you think? You all know me by now and have to know this is the calm before the storm. I'm so glad you liked what I did with Jonathan before because I had Jonathan going to rehab with Alec planned for a while now and I didn't know what I would have done if you all didn't like him. I can't wait to hear what you all think of this chapter :)**


	8. The Complicated Recovery Part Two

**Finally the second and final part of Alec's recovery. I wonder how you all will do with this one. I was reading through it and I cried like a baby. I'm the one who wrote it for Angels sakes and I'm crying! I normally don't cry at my own stuff lol.**

 **This chapter is the longest yet with 9039 words!**

 **P.S: I just noticed I got jumbled up with my ages at some point. Alec was Sixteen when he told his parents he was gay and was eighteen when he got kicked out. It's been two years so that means Alec is twenty now. Magnus is twenty three. I don't know if that was clear but now it is.**

 **Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

It's Complicated Chapter Eight: The Complicated Recovery Part 2

 **Day Four**

Alec Pov- _I laid on a soft memory foam bed curled up in blankets and snuggling my face into the comfy pillow in my arms. It feels like it's been forever since I've slept in such a nice place. Why was I here again? Strong warm arms wrapped around my waist as soft lips kissed up my spine to my shoulder blades._

 _I smiled loving the feeling before forcing my eyes open and glancing behind me. My boyfriend Magnus was still kissing my shoulder blade and he glanced up at me with those exotic eyes as he did so. "Did I wake you" he asked before moving his kisses from my shoulder blade to up my neck. I closed my eyes again, my back slightly arching at the sensation on his mouth on me._

" _Yes you did but I'm sure you can find a way to make it up to me." I could feel him smirk against my skin before he slowly licked up my neck. "You're right about that" he whispered against the shell of my ear making chills run up my back. I looked into his eyes for a long moment before touching his cheek and pulling his lips to mine kissing him softly._

 _He kissed me back just as soft. His lips just a small brush against my own as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I buried my fingers into Magnus's soft black hair and I clenched it tight. I loved our sweet light kisses but I needed more than that. I needed heat and passion._

 _Magnus must have felt my need but he just chuckled against my lips. "We must control ourselves Alexander. We wouldn't want to wake up Max." I opened my eyes confused before looking at him, meeting his golden green eyes "what did you say?"_

 _He tilted his head to my right "look for yourself." I looked to my right and a small gasp escaped my lips as a little baby crib came into view. I sat up fast, shoving Magnus off me in the proses. Magnus just chuckled not caring that I just pushed him aside._

 _I got out of the bed; glad I had on some sweatpants and wasn't naked in front of a child, and I walked up to the crib looking down into it. A baby with skin as tan as Magnus's and hair as black as mine was laying there sleeping. I watched him before looking over at Magnus "who's child is this?" Magnus smiled getting up and walking over to the crib "you don't recognize our own son Alexander? We adopted him a month ago remember?"_

 _I shook my head frowning "last thing I remember is being in rehab." Magnus wrapped his arms around my waist laying his chin on my shoulder. "That was a year ago sweetheart. You got out and we bought this flat together. We got married last spring and got Max soon after."_

 _I looked at Max again thinking before looking at Magnus frowning "what's your line of work?" Magnus blinked confused "it's fashion design of course. You've been helping me get my own store remember?" I sighed with relief but I wasn't really sure what I was relieved about. Of course Magnus does fashion, why would I think any differently?_

 _The sound of whining came from the crib and I looked back down at the small child. He opened his eyes, as blue as the night sky, and my breath caught in my throat. I never believed in love at first sight. Of course I thought Magnus was handsome but I didn't fall instantly in love with him like I do today._

 _However, looking at this sweet boys' face, his eyes looking up at me with such love and trust. I couldn't help the over whelming feelings filling up in my chest. This was love, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I never appreciated it before but now, now I didn't want to ever live without it._

 _I reached down into the crib picking Max up in a bundle of blankets and held him close to my chest. The minute Max's head was at the same level as my heart he stopped whining and closed his eyes listening to its steady beat. I smiled down at him before looking up at Magnus happily. "Is all of this real? You and this child, are you really mine?"_

 _Magnus smiled at me like I was saying something stupid. "Of course we're yours Alexander. Why wouldn't we be?" He wrapped his arms tighter around me laying his head on mine and looking down at Max with the gentlest fatherly gaze I've ever seen._

 _I smiled happily leaning my forehead onto his before looking back at Max smiling happily. Screaming cut through my happy haze and my head shot up at the sound of it. I looked around before looking at Magnus "did you hear that?" He shook his head smiling "I didn't hear a thing."_

 _The scream came again and I looked toward our bedroom door frowning. "I definitely heard a scream just now. I think… I think it's Jonathans' scream." I handed the baby to Magnus before turning to walk out of the room._

 _Magnus grabbed my arm making me look back at him in confusion. "Don't go Alexander. Stay here. Stay here with Max and I where you're happy."_

 _I frowned at him "why did you say it like that?" He shook his head looking into my eyes "Alexander please, stay here." I looked back into his eyes and something flashed in my mind. Magnus betraying me by spreading lies to everyone uptown._

 _I pulled away from him as if his touch burned me and his eyes turned sad. "Alexander what are you doing?" I backed up looking between him and Max. "This… it isn't real."_

 _I leaned against the bedroom door, the warm feeling of love in my heart now being replaced by pain. Magnus held Max tighter wearing a face of hurt. "Alec what are you talking about? Come back here with Max and I."_

 _I looked at the sweet little boy again, my heart breaking more as I looked into his blue eyes. Another scream sounded in the air and I grabbed the doorknob of the bedroom door tightly. "I can't stay here… you aren't real." I looked at the baby one last time tears streaming down my face before I turned and opened the door running out._

A loud gasp escaped my lips as I opened my eyes wide. The nice bedroom Magnus and I shared was gone now being replaced by the ceiling of my rehab room. I sighed running my hand over my face in irritation. How could I have such a dream?

Just the thought of that sweet baby was enough to make tears sting at my eyes. Everything was so perfect in that dream. Magnus and I living together, being married, having a baby. Naming that baby after my dead brother who I loved so much.

I laid there wondering what caused me to wake up from the dream but the sound of grunting coming from next to me gave me that answer. I turned on my side looking over at Jonathan who was rolling around on his bed trying to sleep passed withdraw. He was hugging himself tight scratching his arms every now and then. "Jonathan are you okay" I asked tiredly.

He turned around so he was facing me and his entire body was shaking. "It hurts Alec" he said softly. I frowned watching him "I know but you can get through it." He shook his head no closing his eyes tight "I can't."

I frowned watching him a bit longer before stretching out my hand to him. "Give me your hand" I said repeating to him what he told me the day I was going to jump off that ledge. He looked at my hand frowning before reaching a shaky hand for mine. Once our hands joined I squeezed his looking at him determined.

"You and I will get through this Jonathan. It's hard I know but we can do it if we fight back. We have each other here to make the other strong. I want you to be strong."

He looked me frowning before nodding and squeezing my hand "you're right." I nodded "I am right. You told me not to give up so who would I be to not tell you the same?" He closed his eyes not letting go of my hand. "I don't deserve a friend like you."

I watched him fall asleep before looking up at the ceiling thinking about that dream I had. I never knew that I wanted a husband and family but now that the idea of it was presented to me there was nothing I wanted more. Max, that sweet little baby boy was so precious. I wish I could actually hold him in my arms and keep him there forever.

A few hours later the sun came up and Jonathan and I changed our clothes, getting ready for another long day. "What do we have to do today" Jonathan asked lacing up his boots. I shrugged thinking about it. "Well we need to eat breakfast, go to group therapy, then we have time to relax."

Jonathan rolled his eyes "group therapy?" I nodded "it's not the best thing but as long as we don't fight it should go by fast. I guess I'll actually participate today." The other day group therapy didn't go so well so I have to make up for it.

"Whatever, let's go get something to eat I'm starving." I nodded walking out of the room with him and heading to the lounge. "it's all you can eat so don't be afraid to grab whatever." He shrugged grabbing a tray and starting to pile on food.

I did the same before looking around for an empty table to sit at. I ended up finding something better though and grabbed Jonathans arm, dragging him to the table Jem was sitting at. "Can we sit here?" Jem looked between us before nodding "please do."

I sat down smiling at him and Jonathan hesitated before sitting down too. Jem looked at Jonathan before looking at me "I read the paper yesterday. I'm sorry about everything you've been through." I rolled my eyes "I'm sure everyone uptown has read about it. I'm a laughing stock."

Jem shook his head frowning "I don't think you are. I think you did the best you could with the hand you've been dealt. Anyone else would have been crushed under all that pressure." I shrugged starting to eat some eggs.

"I almost was crushed by the pressure. I still feel like I'm going to be crushed sometimes. I've been through so much but yesterday was the worst I have ever felt. Makes me wonder if it will get better or worse from here."

Jem reached over putting his hand on my shoulder "When you fall down the only way to go is up. I'm sure things will start getting better before you know it." "That's pretty optimistic for someone who's also stuck in here" Jonathan said rudely. I glared at him but Jem just smiled "well I like to think I'm the example of someone reformed."

I nodded "Jem has been through a lot too and has been here for months. He knows what he's talking about." I left out the part about him wanting to get high at his party. Jonathan needed a little hope.

"So you're telling me just because he's doing good that means the two of us will end up the same? You don't know that for sure Alec" Jonathan said pushing his food around his plate. I smacked his hand "don't play with your food. It's for eating."

Jonathan rubbed his hand glaring at me "I'm not one of your siblings you know." I shrugged "maybe not but I think of you like my brother so I'll treat you like one." He crossed his arms at this "I am two months older than you." Jem laughed watching us "the two of you sure are close."

I looked over at him before shrugging "I don't know, we're kind of just getting familiar with each other. Sebastian would have thrown the fork at my head for slapping him." "believe me I thought about it for a moment" Jonathan sighed. I pointed at him "yeah but Sebastian wouldn't have thought about it first."

Jem looked between us, completely confused by what we were talking about and I smiled at him "don't worry about it Jem. Just talking about an old friend." He shrugged going back to eating. A nurse came in announcing group therapy and I sighed standing up "that's us."

Jonathan sighed pushing his tray away before standing up "let's get this over with." I nodded grabbing our trays dumping them before walking with him to the therapy room. Everyone's eyes went to me the moment I walked in which wasn't too surprising. The last time I was here I caused a big scene and stormed out.

The bitch from the other day was the only one who had the guts to actually speak to me. "Are you going to participate today or are you going to whine like a baby and leave again?" Jonathan watched her before looking at me. "She's a charmer" he said before sitting in one of the empty seats.

I rolled my eyes ignoring the girl and sat next to Jonathan "this is going to be a long day." He nodded leaning in his chair. "without a doubt." The therapist walked in and he looked a little shocked to see me just like everyone else.

"I wasn't expecting to see you again Alexander" he said walking over to his chair. "Please, just call me Alec. I'm willing to participate today so I would appreciate it if I was able to talk at my own pace and not pull out my file this time." He nodded "I can agree to that."

He looked at Jonathan "who's your friend?" I put my hand on his shoulder "this is Jonathan Morgenstern." Jack raised an eyebrow "the failure of the Morgenstern family?" We both looked at him but I was the one to speak up. "what did you just say" I asked glaring.

He shrugged "I was there two years ago during your sisters' birthday party. You went crazy, flipping tabled and throwing breakable plates. You trashed the whole place before running out. No one has seen you really since then."

Jonathan went to stand up and walk out but I grabbed his arm pulling him back into his seat. "you, stay" I said before looking at Jack. "As for you, why don't you shut your mouth before you get hurt?" Jack stood up "you picking a fight with me?" I stood up getting in his face "maybe I am."

The therapist held up his hands "boys, boys, please calm down. We got off on a bad start here so let's start over. How about we talk about you for a little bit Alec? You seem to have some built up anger, talking may help."

I sat back in the chair crossing my arms. I promised I would behave myself so that's what I had to start doing. "Where should we start?" Jack sat back down rolling his eyes and the therapist thought before smiling "I'm sure all of us here read the article about you in the paper. How about you tell us your side of the story."

I sighed slouching in my chair. I should have known that this is what they would bring up. He could have at least tried to be subtle about it. "When I turned sixteen I figured out I was gay. My parents made me pretend I wasn't for two years and took my little brother away from me."

One of the younger boys in the group, he looked about fifteen frowned "that sounds awful." I glanced at him before looking ahead again. "When I turned eighteen I decided I didn't want to lie to myself anymore so I told my parents I wouldn't pretend anymore. That got me disowned."

"I moved to downtown where I spent a good two months living on the street. I was starving and close to death but then I was saved by a friend and taken in." The therapist nodded writing things down. "How did you get into prostitution?"

I stayed quite for a moment wondering if I should really talk about it. Jonathan didn't even know what happened to make me choose that life. It happened while I was still homeless. I took a deep breath before telling them all my darkest secret.

"I… I snuck into a party sometime around the end of the first month I lived downtown. I remember being shocked that downtown even had parties since normally it was so depressing there. I went to the party and met this guy, he seemed very nice and he liked talking to me. He asked me to go to a room with him but I told him no."

I closed my eyes not really having the strength to keep them open. It was taking everything I had to even say this stuff. "He acted like it was alright and he went to get me another drink. I took it from him not thinking anything about it."

I opened my eyes slightly and glanced at the bitchy girl. "You asked me the other day if I have ever been roofied and gang raped. I had been roofied by that man and he led me to a bedroom to lay down and rest. He raped me then… it was my first time and he…"

I swallowed the words down not liking the taste of them on my mouth. I hated thinking about that horrible night and I always tried to suppress it. The feeling of him on top of me, the darkness in my head, I don't even remember his face. I could only ever remember his voice and words.

"After he finished he whispered something in my ear. I never forgot it and I took it to heart. He said 'I should get used to being treated this way. Being someone's play thing is all I'll ever be good for."

Everyone in the room was dead silent and I glanced at Jonathan who was just watching me with a shocked look on his face. I closed my eyes again looking down "I tried to find work and make a living. Nothing would stick and I would always end up on the street. Then I found Miss Seelie and she gave me a job of sleeping with rich men."

"At first I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. Every time I was with someone my entire body would shake in fear or I would break down in tears. It wasn't really until I started doing drugs that I was able to handle it. I would get high and then I wouldn't have to acknowledge the fear bubbling up inside me."

Tears stung at my eyes and I wanted to stop talking but my mouth wouldn't stop moving. "Every time I was with someone, I always felt like I was with the first man I ever slept with. I felt like I was being raped over and over yet I was the one choosing to do it. I needed to survive."

Certain words were pushing their way up my throat and I didn't want to say them. They came out though without any way to silence them. "The night I tried sleeping with Magnus, at first I thought he was going to keep going. I thought that if he slept with me I can write him off as being the same as all of the others and it meant I didn't love him."

I was silent for a few seconds, my body feeling numb all over. "Then he told no. He said he didn't want to take advantage of me." The tears that were stinging my eyes now fell in streams down my face. "He told that I was worth more."

I put my hand over my mouth frowning "Magnus made me feel good about myself. Living with him made me happy and I had a reason to be happy about waking up every morning. I thought that maybe… he would save me." I put my head in my hands just wanting to curl up in a ball.

I was such a fool for ever thinking that. That guy was right, sleeping around is all I'm good for. It's all I'll ever be good for. I don't deserve saving.

Jonathan reached over rubbing my back and the contact was enough to make me snap out of it and come back to earth. I slowly dropped my hands into my lap still looking down "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me just now. I don't feel like talking anymore."

The therapist nodded "you did very good today Alec. How about you go next Jack" he said looking over at Jack. I zoned out for the rest of the session trying not to think of Magnus but not really having a choice. It was where my brain was choosing to go.

Why did I think Magnus would save me? Why did I want him to save me? Why did I so easily fall in love with him? That dream I had this morning answered every one of those questions.

I thought I would be happy with Magnus. I thought we would get a home, get married and have a child. I dared to dream about impossible thing. They were impossible for me anyway.

After Therapy was over Jonathan walked out with me keeping quiet but I could tell by the way he was staring at me that he wanted to say something. "Just say it" I said softly, sitting in a big rocking chair in the lounge. He sat across from me frowning "why didn't you tell me?" I glanced up at him "we barely knew each other back then and by time we got close I locked it away."

He shook his head frowning "keeping something like being raped to yourself isn't healthy." I laughed coldly at that statement. "What part of my life would you say is healthy Jonathan? I'm nothing but a tool."

He shook his head no again "Alec I know what it's like to be treated as a tool. My father uses his family as tools to make himself look good. You are no tool." I pulled my knees to my chest before hiding my face in them frowning.

"I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want to lose anything else." Jonathan watched me frowning before reaching over and putting his hand on my shoulder. "You won't lose anything else. Both of us are going to get through this together and prove everyone wrong remember?"

I lifted my head to look at him "that's what I said before but now I'm not so sure." "Well I'm sure of this Alec. You can't give up hope yet there's still so much we have left to do." He stood up holding his hand out to me "let's go for a walk around to clear your head."

I looked at his hand for a long moment before sighing and grabbing it, letting him pull me off the chair. He dropped my hand and we made our way around the rehab center. The walk actually did help me clear my head a little and once we were done we went outside to sit by the pool.

"Do you really think group therapy will help us" Jonathan asked taking off his boots and shoes before rolling his pant legs up. I shrugged watching him "it helped a little to talk about that stuff but it made me remember things I rather not think about." He put his feet in the water sighing at how nice it felt before he looked at me again. "I think it's a waist and we should be able to choose wither or not we go."

I nodded completely agreeing "true but we need it to get out of here." He shrugged lying down on his back and I watched him before looking around. "Hey did you hear about that shady nurse they have working here" someone behind me asked to his friend next to him. "You mean the one who hands out prescription drugs to the inmates who ask for it" his friend asked.

I glanced back at them wondering what they were talking about. The first boy nodded "he will give you all the drugs you want you just have to do him some kind of favor." I looked over at Jonathan noticing he was listening to the boys as well. "Don't you even think about looking for this nurse. You and I are staying clean no matter what."

Jonathan rolled his eyes "I just promised you I would try right? Have a little faith in me would you?" I nodded fighting back my own erg to track that guy down and get high. I can't go in that direction every time.

A nurse walked up to us smiling "Jonathan Morgenstern your father has come for a visit." Jonathan face went immediately pale but besides that he showed no sign of fear. "Tell him I don't feel like seeing him." She frowned "I'm afraid he won't take no for an answer."

Jonathan clenched his fist and I watched him before looking at the nurse. "He only goes if I get to go with him. I refuse to leave them alone." The nurse and Jonathan both looked shocked but then she nodded "if that's what you want then you are welcome to join them."

I looked at Jonathan "maybe if I'm there he will hold back." Jonathan shrugged sitting up and pulling his feet out of the water "I doubt it." He put on his socks and shoes before we followed the nurse to a private meeting room. The room was small with nothing but a little table and a few chairs.

Valentine looked at Jonathan before looking at me. "why are you here Alexander Lightwood?" I wanted to scream his head off about his article on me but I was here for Jonathan. "I'm here to support a friend."

He shrugged "whatever you want. Have a seat Jonathan." Jonathan hesitated before silently sitting in one of the chairs across his father. I sat in the one next to him staring Valentine down.

"I'm trusting you're getting along in here Jonathan. You aren't causing any trouble or embarrassing me more than you already have?" Jonathan just shrugged mumbling "I don't know." I glanced at him frowning before looking back at Valentine.

He shook his head "speak up Jonathan, you know I hate it when you mumble." I thought my father was strict but Valentine was flat out controlling. "Why are you here father" Jonathan asked looking down at the table. Valentine rubbed his temples "look at me when you speak Jonathan."

He pulled out some papers before laying them out on the table. Jonathan looked the them before looking up at him "what are these?" Valentine finished arranging them before looking at his son "this is your schedule for when you get out of here. Every day is planned until the end of next year."

This made Jonathans entire body tense up. "What do you mean?" Valentine pointed to the first page "when you get out of here you will go straight to a behavior facility to relearn proper etiquette. You will be there for three months then go to art school, then music school, then business school."

"You'll go to over a hundred schools and learn everything there is possible to learn. Once that is done you will begin your training to take over my company someday. I expect you to know everything and act as you should by the end of the year. As a Morgenstern you are held to the highest standard."

I looked through some of the papers completely stunned. Some of these things I didn't even know how to do. I looked over at Jonathan frowning and was shocked at what I saw. His eyes were open wide as he stared at the papers and his entire body was shaking.

This was his greatest fear. His father coming and controlling his life, telling him what to do, where to go, how to act. He had his whole year after rehab planned out for him for god sakes. I looked at Valentine glaring "he won't be doing any of this."

Valentine looked at me irritably while Jonathan looked at me shocked. "This doesn't concern you Alexander." I shook my head "it does concern me because it's about my best friend. Jonathan is twenty years old now, by law he can do whatever he wants with his life."

"Jonathan is a Morgenstern which means he has duties and responsibility. You wouldn't know anything about that Lightwood. Just because you threw your future away doesn't mean I'll let Jonathan do that. I will not be embarrassed any longer."

I slammed my fist on the table "you just don't get it do you? You and my father are exactly the same. Your children are fine they are! Just because they didn't turn out like you want doesn't mean there's something wrong with them!"

I put my hand on Jonathans shoulder "your son may not be book smart or artistic but he's street smart and has a big heart. He cares about the people around him even if he always acted like he didn't. He's amazing and you should be able to see that." Valentine stared at me for a long moment before starting to gather his papers "the moment you get out of here Jonathan you start this schedule am I understood?"

Jonathan just looked down not saying anything. "I'll take that as a yes" Valentine said before walking out of the room. I watched him go before looking back at Jonathan "you don't have to do what he says Jonathan. You can make your own choices."

He glanced over at me "the last time I made the choice of running away. Look where I ended up. In rehab with my father putting an even tighter leash on me." I shook my head "we're getting out of here together remember? I won't let you go to those places."

He stood up frowning "I need to take a walk." I quickly stood up "I'll walk with you." He shook his head no "I want to walk by myself" he said softly before walking out. I watched him frowning before also leaving the room, heading back to my bedroom.

Later that night I made my way to the lounge room wondering if Jonathan would be there for dinner. He wasn't there but Jem was so I decided to gather some food and sit with him. "You look like you've had a rough day. Did therapy go bad again?"

I shrugged "I ended up saying more then I wanted to. Jonathans father came and made the day even worse." Jem frowned "sorry to hear about that." I shrugged pushing my food around my plate.

"Weren't you just scolding Jonathan about doing that this morning" Jem asked watching me. I shrugged again before looking at him "I have bad feeling in my gut." "What do you mean" he asked scooping some mashed potatoes with his fork and putting it in his mouth. I dropped my fork leaning back in my chair thinking.

"Well… I feel like something horrible is going to happen. A lot of horrible things already happened to me so what else could there be? Why do I have this feeling?" Jem frowned watching me "do things usually happen when you get this feeling?"

I clenched my fists under the table "yes… always." He stayed quiet before leaning back in his chair thinking "well then it looks like we have a problem. I wonder what the feeling could mean." "It might have to do with Magnus, maybe it's just all the stress of the breakup and rehab."

"Let's hope it's only stress. You have had more than your fair share of it since coming here." I nodded thinking about it before just dropping it and going back to eating. There was silence between us before Jem said "I get out tomorrow."

I looked at him shocked "what?" "They said I was healthy enough to leave so I'm being discharged tomorrow afternoon. I'll be moving in with Will Herondale." I forced a smile to appear on my face "wow Jem… that's great."

It really was great and I was happy for him but I was also scared for myself. He was one of the only people I knew here and knowing I had him to talk to somehow helped me cope with being here. Jem reached across the table putting his hand on mine "you will get out before you know it. I can't wait to see what you do with your life."

"Right" I mumbled softly before standing up "I'm not that hungry so I think I'll head to bed. I hope I get to see you tomorrow before you leave." He nodded smiling at me "I hope so Alexander." I smiled a small smile at him before going to my room.

When I opened the bedroom door I was surprised to see Jonathan there. He was sitting on his bed hugging his knees and looking dazed. I closed the door before walking up to him "hey, are you alright?" He nodded not looking at me "fine."

I frowned watching him and I scratched the back of my head wondering what I should do. "Have you eaten dinner yet?" He shook his head no "not hungry." I bit my lip thinking before smiling "you should still have a little bit in your belly. I'll go get you a snack okay?"

I turned, opening the door but stopped when Jonathan called out my name. I looked back at him and he stared at me for a few seconds before saying "I'm sorry." I blinked confused "Why are you sorry?" He hugged his knees tighter looking down so his green eyes were hidden behind platinum hair "I'm just sorry."

I frowned watching him before walking out going to get him that snack. What could he possibly have to be sorry about? Was he apologizing because I had to see his dad act like that? Does he feel like he's inconveniencing me?

I went into the lounge looking around seeing that it was almost empty. It was almost bedtime so I guess everyone cleared out. I walked over to the food grabbing some cereal bars, a muffin, and a bagel. Once I figured I had enough I headed back to the room.

When I walked back in Jonathan was laying on his bed asleep. "Really Jonathan you need to eat something before you go to bed. Get up" I said walking up to him. I put the food on our in table before putting my hand on his shoulder shaking him "hey I mean it wake up."

His arm slumped off of the bed and something orange fell out of his hand and onto the ground. I looked at it watching it roll over to my foot and my entire body went cold when I realized what it was. It was an empty prescription bottle. A prescription of a very powerful pain killer.

I practically threw myself onto Jonathans bed grabbing him by the shoulders shaking him. "Jonathan wake up; did you swallow all of those pills? That's dangerous why the hell would you do that?!" I shook him over and over but he never opened his eyes.

I stared down at my now dead best friend, my entire body was shaking as tears ran down my face. "No… no this wasn't supposed to happen!" I bared my face in his chest clinging to the fabric of his shirt tight. This wasn't fair, none of it was.

"You told me not to give up! You stopped me from jumping that day and we promised to be strong together! You promised me you would stay by my side!" I sobbed into his chest closing my eyes tight "please, please don't leave me."

It was too late though. As I laid my head on his chest I couldn't feel a heartbeat. He was gone, he somehow got those drugs and he took his own life. Valentine backed him into a corner and forced him to do this.

I stopped crying now just feel numb all over. I sat up looking down at my friend wondering how selfish I could possibly be. **I** didn't want Jonathan to leave **Me**. **I** wanted him to stay because all **I** ever do is think about myself. I'm such a selfish friend.

I reached up touching Jonathans cheek gently, he was already turning cold. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I hope you're finally free now." The tears stung in my eyes again and I pushed the nurses button before just laying back down putting my head on his shoulder going into a daze.

The nurse entered a few minutes later "what can I do for you?" I glanced over at her and opened my mouth to talk but it was very dry. I licked my cracked lips before saying "he's dead. He overdosed on some pills."

She frowned before rushing over to him checking his pulse. "How did this happen? Where did he get the pills?" I numbly shrugged before hiding my face in Jonathans shoulder.

She watched me frowning "we'll have to take him out of here." I clung onto him tighter not wanting him to go but I knew I would have to let go at some point. Finally, I used the strength I had left to get up and go into my own bed curling up into a ball and shutting my eyes. I listened as more nurses came in and took Jonathans body away and once everyone was gone I drifted into a dark heavy sleep.

 **Day Five**

The next morning opening my eyes was a struggle. They were heavy and it took all my strength to do it. Once my eyes were open though I just wanted to close them again and sleep for the rest of my life. What was the point in trying anymore?

Jonathan was dead, he was all I had left and now he's gone. Magnus is gone too and I don't think I can trust my family not to hurt me anymore. I'm dangling on such a thin, thin thread and I don't know how much longer it will hold me. I feel like it's going to snap any moment.

There was a knock at my door but I didn't have the will to get up and answer it. After three knocks the door opened on its own and my therapist came in. "Hey Alec, how are you feeling?" I didn't answer him. Instead I turned my back to him and closed my eyes again.

He walked up touching my shoulder "we're having a therapy session today. I figured since one of our group members died it would be nice for us all to talk about how we feel over it." I glanced back at him "no one but me knew Jonathan. No one else cares" I said before closing my eyes again.

"That doesn't mean we don't all feel his loss Alec. Maybe the session will help you. You can talk about how you feel." I glared back at him "get out" I said coldly before pulling my blanket over my head.

He watched me frowning before sighing and standing up walking out of the room. Once I heard the door close I peeked out of the blanket to make sure I was really alone. Once I was, I sat up rubbing my head. It was eleven thirty meaning it was almost time for Jem to leave.

"I can't stay in bed all day" I sighed before getting up and dressed. I wore my black sweater and jeans today, spending the day to mourn my dead friend. I made my way to the front entrance where Jem was handing his suitcases to William Herondale. I hesitated on disturbing them but when Jem saw me he gestured me to come over.

I did as he asked hugging myself nervously. "I hope you enjoy being outside." He looked me over before meeting my eyes sadly. "I heard about Jonathan; how are you doing?"

I shrugged hugging myself tighter "I'm in the numbing state at the moment. I can't believe he's gone just like that." Jem frowned before wrapping his arms around me hugging me tight. I closed my eyes feeling his warmth and I felt sad when he pulled away.

"You are strong enough to get through rehab on your own. That's how it was originally going to be anyway right?" I frowned "yeah but the goal was to be with Magnus. Without Jonathan I don't have any new goals."

He rubbed my arms smiling sweetly "your goal is to prove everyone wrong about you. Show them that Alec Lightwood is more than what they say." I met his eyes frowning and he hugged me one last time before turning and leaving with Will.

A mop of golden hair came in as they were going out and my body stiffened seeing it. Jace was there standing in front of me, looking right at me. He looked me over frowning before meeting my eyes "Alec can we talk?" I shook my head turning to walk away but he quickly grabbed my arm stopping me.

"Alec please talk to me. I know you feel betrayed and I hurt you a lot but I'm your brother." I glanced back at him "Max was also my brother." He looked at me sadly, his golden eyes pleading.

"Alec please, I'm so, so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping Max's death from you. I thought you would kill yourself." I flinched at Jace's poor choice in words and I looked down.

"Jonathan killed himself last night. He's dead but I'm still here." Jace frowned "Jonathan? You mean Jonathan Morgenstern?"

I nodded "Valentine forced him here and put too much pressure on him." Jace went to hug me but I backed away from him looking down. "How do I know you won't lie to me again? How am I supposed to trust you and Isabelle again? Everyone hurts me so why should I trust?"

"Alec please, I know we did wrong by you but you have to believe that we love you. You're our big brother and my best friend. We're best friends." I looked him in the eye intensely "my best friend is dead."

Jace took a couple steps back as if my words physically wounded him. By saying Jonathan was my best friend that implied that Jace wasn't. Jace shook his head "you don't mean that. You're just lashing out right now but we're still best friends, still brothers."

"I don't think of you as anything anymore. I don't need anyone anymore all I need is myself. I don't want family, I don't want friends and I don't want some stupid husband and a baby. I just want to be alone" I said hugging myself tighter.

Jace stepped closer again holding out his hand to touch my cheek but I just turned and ran not wanting to see him anymore. I meant what I said back there. I don't need anyone but myself. I don't want anyone but myself.

I made it back to my room and stopped in front of the door laying my forehead on it trying to hold back tears that were stinging my eyes. I didn't want to cry anymore there was no point in it. I'm not this weak guy who cries all the time. I'm Alec Lightwood from downtown and I needed to start acting like my old self again.

I took a couple deep breaths calming myself before entering my room. I was surprised to see that I wasn't the only one there. A male nurse was sitting on Jonathans bed as if he was waiting for me to come back.

"Can I help you" I asked rudely, not really caring for manners at the moment. "I'm here for my payment" the nurse said standing up. I frowned confused "payment?" "Jonathan Morgenstern said he would sleep with me for those pills."

I got wide eyed at this before glaring "you're the one who gave him those pills?" He shrugged as if he didn't care "it's my thing around here." I clenched my fists "haven't you heard? Those pills killed Jonathan."

He nodded getting closer to me "I know." I backed up to the wall frowning "he wouldn't have slept with you, you know. He doesn't do it with guys. He got those pills with the intention of suicide."

He put his hands on the wall pinning me there. "Well then, as his friend the debt falls onto you now doesn't it?" I stared at him stunned "excuse me?" He smirked "it's not like a whore like you isn't used to it."

He grabbed me by the wrist and flung me onto the bed before crawling on top of me. I struggled to get away and normally I would have been able to fight off someone as thin as him but my emotions drained me of all my strength. He grabbed my wrists pinning my arms above my head before leaning down whispering in my ear "the less you struggle the sooner it'll be over."

My body stopped struggling, stunned that this man said the same thing my first rapist once said. My eyes widened at the realization that it was going to happen again. I was going to get raped again. "Let me go" I yelled starting to struggle again, pulling my wrists trying to get out of his hold.

"Let. Me. Go!" I yelled before kneeing him in the groin.

He cried out turning on his side and I took the chance to roll over and be on top of him now; pinning his arms to his sides. My strength was returning to me and I glared down at him "you always go around raping patients pig?" He smirked up at me "so what if I do. No one would ever believe you if you told them."

Right after he said that my bedroom door opened and two more nurses, male and female, stood at the door. "Alexander what are you doing" the male asked glaring at me. I frowned confused on why I was being the one yelled at and when I looked down I noticed how this may have looked to them. I was on top of him on my bed with his arms pinned.

I quickly got up moving away from him and the real rapist sat up looking at his friends. "I came in here to tell Alec I'm sorry about Jonathan and he just jumps me trying to sleep with me. I told him no but he forced himself on me." I looked at him shocked before looking at them "that's not what happened at all."

The bad nurse stood up rubbing his wrists. "Oh please, you're a drug addict so being a prostitute means you must be a sex addict too huh? We can't fix that here you creep." The female nurse frowned "Alec how could you do such a thing."

I shook my head "you aren't listening to me. He is the one who came on to me. He's the one selling people pills and he's using their bodies as payment. I didn't try anything with him; he said I had to pay for Jonathans pills."

The other male nurse rolled his eyes crossing his arms. "Typical of a downtowner to not take responsibility for his own actions." "But I didn't do anything wrong!" I screamed clenching my fists hard.

The bad nurse smirked glancing at me "you know what they say. Never trust a whore." I stared at them all stunned and the female nurse looked at the boys. "I'm going to go report this" she said before walking out.

The other male followed her and the bad nurse smirked more at me "like I said. Who would every believe you?" He walked out still having that smirk on his face. I watched him before falling to the floor, my knees giving out on me.

He framed me. He made it look like I was trying to assault him and now I was being reported. I was going to be arrested or worse. "I didn't do anything wrong" I said again breathlessly.

Something gray caught my eyes and I looked under my bed seeing the suitcase of money Magnus gave me. I could use that to run away. I could leave this place and go somewhere else where I don't have to worry about these damn up towners opinions of me. I grabbed the suitcase and stood up running out of the bedroom.

Once in the hallways I hid behind a corner; avoiding the security guards heading to my bedroom. Once they all passed me I ran down the hall and made my way to the back yard. I looked around for any other security before running over to a large hedge. Once I got to it I threw the suitcase over the hedge before climbing it to the top.

I jumped onto the sidewalk on the other side before grabbing the suitcase and running anywhere my legs would take me. I couldn't stay up town, there was no place for me there. I didn't want to go back to downtown without Jonathan but my legs weren't listening to what I wanted. After an hour of running I was finally downtown, finally home.

The moment I stepped into it a flood of relief hit me. I finally understood what Jonathan meant about this place being his freedom. I always found this place suffocating and a horror but not anymore. Now this place was my home and I never wanted to be anywhere else again.

When I stopped running to catch my breath I finally noticed that the streets were covered in snow. It was snowing as I stood there observing his surroundings. My apartment was gone. I could go stay with Aline but I didn't want to be a bother.

That's what I told myself but in truth I wasn't ready to see her. I don't want any more friends. I promised Jonathan that I wouldn't kill myself and I won't but I don't really want to live either. I just want to go through life in a permanent numbing state where I don't have to care about anything.

"Alec" two cheerful voices said from a few feet away. I turned around and Amelia's small children Jessie and Haden were running up to me. They both hugged my legs before looking up at me "where have you been Alec? What's in the suitcase?"

I looked at the suitcase frowning at it. I had over three thousand dollars and I had no idea what I was going to do with it. I could get a nicer apartment and save it up for when I need it. I could give it to Helen and let her pay for her siblings. So many possibilities.

"Alec, I heard you went back uptown" Amelia said walking up to me with a sad smile. Her clothes were wet with snow and her fingers were almost purple from frostbite. I frowned at her "Amelia you must be freezing." She tried to fake a smile but I knew she was trying not to cry.

I thought for a moment before holding the suitcase out to her "Merry Christmas Amelia." She looked down at the suitcase before looking back at me "what is that?" I put it in her hands "I want you to have all of it. Get you and your family somewhere warm."

I turned around starting to walk away but I heard her loud gasp when she opened the suitcase. "Alexander I can't accept this" she called out but I just kept walking pretending I didn't hear her. I wandered around town in a numbing state, not really looking at the things around me.

I finally got too tired to walk and went into a small park where I laid down on a bench watching the snow fall down on me. The flakes were beautiful yet they were all a blur at the same time. I didn't want to think of beautiful or happy things. I closed my eyes letting the cold flakes pile up on top of me.

I don't know how long I stayed like that. I don't know how long I slept dreamless but someone's voice pulled me out of the haze. I opened my heavy eyes frowning before glancing over at who was speaking to me. It was Raphael Santiago.

"You look pathetic" he said looking down at me. For once he didn't look smug or like he was trying to trick he. There were no emotions displayed on his face. "I feel pathetic" I answered making a puff of white breath form in the sky. It was getting very cold.

Raphael watched me for a long moment before shrugged and walking away heading to his fancy black car. I glanced back at him thinking before saying "I'll do it." He stopped walking and looked back at me "beg your pardon?" I sat up looking him in the eye "I said I'll do it; I'll join your mob."

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 **Okay, are you ready to kill me now? So many of you were like "Alec will prove his dad wrong', 'Magnus and Alec will make up', and 'Alec has Jonathan to make it through rehab'. All the while I'm slowly backing up like "um well about that..."**

 **The next chapter is going to be about Magnus and what Magnus was up to all the days Alec was in rehab.**


	9. The Complicated Outcome

**Oh by the angel it's finally done! I thought five days in two chapters was hard for Alec. Six days in one chapter for Magnus! That was really hard! 11175 word! But it was all worth it to give you guys an entertaining story. Lets all get ready to hate Magnus (sorry Magnus)**

 **High Warlock Of Glitter: I'm so happy to have a new reader to this story and I care every much about your mental health. I worked as fast as I could to insure your mental health stay sane.**

 **Hope you all enjoy and can't wait to hear what you all think!**

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It's Complicated Chapter Nine: The Complicated Outcome

 **Day One**

Magnus Pov- We All walked up to the rehab facility and Alec stared up at it looking beyond nervous. I really wish there was something I could do to calm him down and make him feel safe. I feel bad for him. The poor guy looked like he would turn and flee at any minute.

As if he read my mind Alec turned to run but I quickly grabbed him by the shoulders stopping him "whoa Alexander, calm down." He struggled to get out of my grasp before giving up and stopped moving. I cupped his face in my hands looking into his sad blue eyes. "You're going to get through this Alec. You're strong willed."

He closed his eyes tight "I feel like I can't breathe." "You're just scared but this is for the best Alec. I promise you you'll be happy once you're clean" Michael said watching him. Alec glanced at him before looking back at me, meeting my eyes. "I can't do this alone."

I stroked his cheek with my thumb frowning down at him "you are never alone. You have me and Michael to support you. You'll have people in there who will understand what you're going through and help you. Not to mention all the doctors and therapists."

He swallowed "I wish you would be in there with me." I nodded putting my forehead to his and closing my eyes "I'll come visit as much as I can." He closed his eyes breathing me in and I closed mine wondering what I could do to make him feel better. Before I knew it, I had my lips pressed against his.

He kissed me back wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. Once I forced myself to pull away I smiled down at him "you ready?" He shook my head no "no but I have to do this." I nodded letting him go and grabbing his duffle bag.

We went inside the building and I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked. This place was huge with a nice Hotel styled lounge, some nice art on the walls, and A large outside space with a pool. "Wow this place looks great." Alec shook his head looking down "they just want to trick me into thinking I'm going somewhere fun and relaxing. That is the last thing this is."

I frowned at him grabbing his hand again squeezing it "just give it a chance Alexander." Alec looked at me frowning before letting go of my hand and going over to the desk with Michael. I stayed a little bit behind not knowing how well I would be able to fake this calmness any longer. I didn't want Alec to have to be forced to live here but there was no other choice.

Michael got handed some paperwork and he filled it out before handing it back. The nurse took it before asking Alec to follow her into the back. He looked back at me frowning "I'm scared."

I smiled sadly at him before handing him his bag "you'll be just fine Alec. I have faith in you. Aline, Helen, and Sebastian are cheering you on too." He frowned thinking about that before nodding.

"Let's hope I don't disappoint them" he said grabbing his bag and going back with the lady. He followed her to some doors before taking one more look back at me. I wanted to yell for him to come back. To tell him that it's okay that he's addicted to drugs as long as I was able to be by his side for the rest of my life without ever leaving him.

Instead I waved to him smiling and he nervously waved back before going through the doors with the girl. I waved a little bit longer after he was out of my sight before shakenly dropping my hand to my side. "You both did the right thing Magnus. Alec needs to get clean if he ever wants to get his life together" Michael said watching me.

I nodded looking down at my feet. "I just feel like I'm abandoning him. He doesn't know anyone here and he's not good with strangers." Michael patted my head "I'm sure he will be alright."

I nodded taking a couple deep breaths before looking at Michael "I can't thank you enough for everything you're doing for Alec. Why are you doing this for him?" Michael frowned glancing away "I guess you could say I owe him. I took advantage of him once and I feel horrible for doing so."

"Were you one of the rich guys he slept with" I asked not able to stop some bitterness from soaking my words. He nodded not even going to deny it. "He looks a lot like his father did when we were his age. I used Alec to fool myself into thinking I was with Robert and that was wrong of me."

I clenched my fists "Alec is nothing like Robert. He's kind, gentle and sweet while Robert is mean, angry, and vile. What is there to love about someone like Robert Lightwood?" Michael watched me before looking out one of the big glass windows looking lost in thought.

"There's something Alec and Robert have in common. They both put up fronts, Alec pretends he doesn't need people and he's strong without peoples help. Robert pretends he's this awful guy when really he's just scared." "What could he possibly be afraid of" I asked crossing my arms.

"He's afraid of looking weak. He's afraid of what people say about him. He wants people to think he's strong and sadly Alec came at expense to that. He thinks Alec being gay will destroy everything he worked toward and that's why he really can't accept it."

"I know that's how it was with me. I was the closest person ever to him and people started spreading rumors that we were sleeping together. I used this chance to ask Robert out and well… let's just say our friendship was over." I frowned dropping my crossed arm to my sides "that sounds horrible."

He shrugged and turned walking out of the building "it is what it is. He hurt me really bad but I still love him even today." I followed him frowning "why would you? What's making you still love him even now?"

He looked back at me smiling "it's what true love is. When you love someone as much as I love him I would always forgive him. What about you? Do you love Alec enough to forgive anything he might do?"

"Can he do anything worse than prostitution? I forgave him for that and all the drug abusing." Michael watched me silently for a minute before saying "do you think Alec can forgive you?" I looked at him confused "I haven't done anything wrong."

He stared at me intensely "I heard about you Magnus. I have my eyes and ears everywhere and I heard Valentine sent you to downtown for a story. You better hope Alec wasn't your story because I don't think he'll forgive you. Not right away."

My entire body froze at this "but… I'm helping Alec. I'm having everyone see what he went through so they can put all those rumors of him to rest." Michael sighed at this "Magnus this will not stop the rumors. It will make them grow and it will swallow Alec up in it."

I shook my head "you're wrong, I'm helping Alec. You just don't want this because you know it'll make your precious Robert look bad. He disowned his son he should be punished for such a selfish act." Michaels intense stare didn't waver as he said "what about your selfish act?"

I clenched my fists "how is what I did selfish? I'm helping Alec." "No you got a story. A story that will make you part of Circle Inc. like you wanted. This has nothing to do with Alec this has to do with how you sold Alec away for your dream job. I hope it was worth it to you."

He turned walking away from me and I just stared after him not knowing what else to say. He couldn't be right about what I did. Yeah it started out with me wanting to get into circle Inc. but that's not why I wrote the article now. I wanted Alec to be able to leave his past behind and live a better life with no secrets.

I shook my head starting to walk out of the rehab parking lot. "I didn't do anything wrong. He'll see how much this helps Alec and Alec will be happy that he can move on with his life." I felt reassured but at the same time I could hear Michaels voice in the back of my head saying _"I don't think he'll forgive you. Not right away."_

I shook the voice out of my head before hailing a cab to take me to Camille's place. She'll understand my reasoning for doing what I did. She'll tell me that I did the right thing and everything is alright.

"Are you crazy? Why would you do that if you love the guy" she asked, hitting me over and over with the magazine she was reading. I grabbed it from her and threw it across the room before looking at her. "You were supposed to understand my reasoning and tell me I did the right thing. That everything is going to be alright."

She rubbed her temples shaking her head "oh Magnus, this is why I told you not to go down there in the first place. I said you would end up falling for some broken soul but you denied it. Now look at the trouble you got yourself and him into. Of course with your luck the broken soul you happened to find was Alexander Lightwood."

"Camille this isn't just one of my 'I'll fix them' flings. I am madly in love with Alec and I want to do everything I can to make sure he lives a great life from now on." She shook her head "Magnus; you've known this guy less than a week. It's impossible to develop a real love connection in that short time." I sighed laying on her bed, looking up at her ceiling "you just don't understand." She looked down at me "you're right I don't."

I looked up at her "I want to do whatever it takes to make Alec happy. If I work for circle Inc. I can use my pay to get us a nice apartment and whatever else Alec could ever want. It'll be just me and him together and happy." Camille shook her head "it won't be that way with you writing this article on him."

I sighed rolling onto my side so my back was turned to her. "Why does everyone keep saying that?" She rubbed my back "because it's the truth. How about you try putting yourself in Alecs' shoes. With all that you've told me he has been through a lot. Would you want the world knowing about all the awful things you've done?"

I closed my eyes trying to do as she said. I put myself in Alecs shoes and imagined doing all the things he's done. My eyes opened wide at the realization of what I did. I sat up fast frowning "I have to tell Valentine not to run my story." "There's no way he won't run it" Camille said crossing her arms.

"Asking Valentine for the story back would be very unprofessional. You're the one who did this now you have to pay the price." I put my head in my hands shutting my eyes tight "what if the price is too high? I don't want to lose Alec."

Camille frowned rubbing my head "if you do lose him then it's by your own power that you did. You should have chosen him over some stupid job." I shook my head "it's not some stupid job Camille. It's the job I always wanted and I don't want to lose that either."

She shrugged before laying down next to me "well the way I see it is that you can either have one or the other. I don't see how you can have both." I glanced back at her before shaking my head. "You're wrong I can have both."

She sighed shaking her before turning her back to me "you staying over?" I nodded turning onto my back to watch the ceiling "was planning on it. I still have some of the clothes here right?" She nodded "it's where you left it before."

 **Day Two**

The next morning, I changed into some new clothes and put some good product in my hair before heading to work. The article doesn't come out till tomorrow so I have a little window of opportunity to talk Valentine into getting another story. I want everyone to know Alec's story but it wasn't worth losing Alec for. I just hope I can keep both Alec and my job.

I got to the Circle Inc. building going straight to Valentines office. He was at his desk looking over some paperwork and he smiled at me when I walked in. "Welcome Magnus, ready to see your office" he asked standing up. I nodded walking out of his office with him and going into the elevator.

He pushed the button for the floor below us and we started going down. I bit my lip trying to figure out how I should bring up him changing the article. "Um, so I've been thinking a lot about the Article on Alexander." Valentine looked at me "oh?"

I nodded looking at him going to continue but the elevator door opened. Valentine smiled and put his hands on my shoulders leading me out of the elevator. The moment we stepped out we were inside of an office. I gasped looking around before looking at him "my office is right out of the elevator?"

He nodded leading me over to my big oak wood desk. "You'll need lots of room to do your work as my top reporter so I got you the biggest room." He picked up the name plate that said Hodge Starkweather and dropped it into the trash can by the desk. I gasped looking at him "wasn't Hodge the one who got you the story on Raphael Santiago?"

Valentine nodded throwing away all of Hodges stuff that was on the desk "yeah what of it?" Hodge went into dangerous territory for Valentine, his job assignment was way more dangerous than mine. "Why are you throwing away all of his stuff?" He shrugged "because I fired him from being my top reporter."

I just stared at him not knowing what else to do. "You fired him? Couldn't you have just demoted him to a regular reporter?" Valentine sighed "listen kid don't take him being fired so hard. That's journalism, one day you're in and the next day you're out. You better keep bringing me great stories or I'll be throwing your stuff away next."

He grabbed me by the shoulders again having me sit down at my desk. "Look around you Magnus, everything you have ever wanted is in this room." I looked around as he said, taking it all in and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I finally have become a serious reporter.

"Ragnor will be working as your photographer. My best writer needs my best photographer so use him as you see fit." I couldn't help the smirk from coming on my face as I thought of the look Ragnor will have when he hears he works for me. "What was it you wanted to say about the Alexander article" Valentine asked letting go of my shoulders and walking to the elevator.

I quickly got up and ran to the elevator getting in it with him. "Well you see, can we maybe not run the Alexander story." Valentine was reaching to push the up button but stopped after hearing me say that. "Why on earth would I do that?"

I swallowed before saying "well I don't think it's right to put Alec's baggage out on display." Valentine sighed shaking his head before finally pushing the up button making the elevator start moving. "Magnus this is a business and a business needs to give people what they want. People are interested in Alexander right now and this story will be ratings gold."

He put his hand on my shoulder looking at me "you should be happy that your first article is going so well. It will be a hit and I promise you It'll be good for Alexander as well." I looked at him frowning "you really think Alexander won't be mad?" Valentine pondered on how he wanted to answer as the elevator doors opened.

He walked out and went straight to his office saying "do you think Raphael Santiago was mad when I made a story on him?" I nodded following "I'm sure he was furious." He nodded sitting in his desk "he was but it was a story. Everyone loved the story because it was juicy and it was something people were curious about. They're curious about Alec now so we'll give them what they want to know."

I thought about how I could change his mind before it came to me "I have some info on Raphael Santiago." Valentine looked interested and gestured me to continue. "Raphael wanted Alec and Sebastian to join his mob. I guess they did a favor for him once so he wanted them to help him pass out drugs. They both refused of course."

He seemed disappointed by the fact that they refused. "Alec joining Raphael's mob would have been a more interesting ending don't you think?" I frowned glaring at him. "No I don't think so at all. Pardon me sir but Alec is my boyfriend and I'm proud of him for staying away from Raphael."

Valentine shrugged leaning back in his chair "yes, I suppose you're right." I put my hands on his desk leaning on it slightly. "Maybe you can get another story about Raphael and drop the Alec story." Valentine looked up at me obviously losing his patients "Magnus we discussed this, we're keeping the Alexander story."

I nodded standing up straight and looked at the door when there was a knock. "You may enter" Valentine said looking at the door. Two large men walked into the room and Sebastian was standing in between them glaring daggers at Valentine. I stared at him shocked wondering what he was doing here.

Sebastian's dark eyes shifted from Valentine to me and his anger turned to confusion. "Ah, Jonathan I'm happy to see you here" Valentine said standing up and walking over to Sebastian. He looked away from me going back to glaring at Valentine. "It's not like your goons gave me much of a choice."

Valentine looked slightly amused "well, looks like you grew a backbone while away." Valentine turned to me smiling "could you maybe give us a moment. I'll call you if I need you." I nodded and walked out of the room glancing at Sebastian as I left.

Once outside I closed the door until it was open a crack. I looked around to make sure no one was around before peeking through the crack watching and listening to the conversation. Sebastian pulled away from Valentines men before glaring back at his father. "what the hell do you want?"

The smile on Valentines face vanished into a cold scowl before he struck Sebastian across the face. He must have hit him hard because the sound of the smack echoed in the room. I sucked in a breath touching my own face, that really had to hurt. Sebastian laid his hand on his cheek frowning, looking down and Valentine grabbed him by the chin pulling him to look at him.

"You really have some guts running away like that Jonathan. You embarrassed me at Clarissa's party with that tantrum you threw." Sebastian glared at him "I guess you could say I had a moment of Clarity. I was tired of you controlling my life so I decided to do something about it."

Valentine shook his head. "Why are you wearing those ridiculous contacts Jonathan" he asked, ignoring everything Sebastian just said. "They are not ridiculous and my names not Jonathan anymore. It's Sebastian."

Valentine rolled his eyes before shaking his head "oh where did I go wrong with you?" He then slammed Sebastian against a wall hard pinning him there. Sebastian closed his eyes from the pain but Valentine forced his eye open forcefully taking out Sebastian's contact. Sebastian screamed at him to stop and I looked away not able to watch.

When I looked back Sebastian was on the ground looking down shaking. Valentine reached down grabbing a huge chunk of his hair before pulling forcing Sebastian to look up at him. He still had his eyes closed tightly making Valentine yell "look at me Jonathan." Sebastian slowly opened his eyes and they were now a charming dark green color.

The moment Sebastian opened his eyes his tough guy persona cracked. Tears stung at his eyes and he glanced away from his father, looking like a frightened animal. "There's the foolish coward I know" Valentine said letting go of his hair before stepping on his chest forcing Sebastian to lay on his back. Valentine kept his foot on his chest pinning him to the ground as he glared down at him.

Sebastian held up his arms in front of his face as if to protect himself. "Father please, I'm sorry" he cried out like a scared child. Valentine stepped harder on Sebastian's chest making him cry out in pain "Oh you're sorry? You're sorry? That makes everything better doesn't it" he said sarcastically.

He lifted his leg high before stomping it down onto Sebastian's ribs making him cry out in pain. "I'll make you sorry Jonathan. I'll make you think twice before you ever try to escape me again." Valentine dug the slight heel of his shoe into his chest and Sebastian cried out saying he was sorry over and over again.

I looked over at the men who brought Sebastian in, wondering why in the hell they weren't doing anything to stop this. They just stood there like this was normal. I looked back at Sebastian and Valentine wondering what I should do. I should go in there and stop this.

' _If you interfere you'll lose your job'_ a voice inside my head whispered. I stayed in place frowning knowing that the voice was right. If I get in the way, then I'll get in trouble with valentine and lose my job. _'He's Alec's friend! You have to save him for Alexander'_ another voice said but this one was drowned out by fear. I couldn't afford to lose this job, I just couldn't.

Valentine finally took his foot off of Sebastian before walking over to his desk. The men who brought Sebastian in picked him up off the floor, forcing him to stand on his feet. Sebastian's head slumped down in defeat but I could still see his eyes. He green eyes were dull and lifeless with hopelessness.

"You're going to be sent to a rehab center in town to get clean of your horrid drug habit, then you'll return home with me where you'll take your place as a true Morgenstern. This time I won't let you embarrass me." I gasped silently standing up straight. If Sebastian goes to rehab, then that means Alec won't have to be there all alone.

Sebastian going to rehab shouldn't make me feel this happy but I couldn't help it. Knowing Alexander won't be alone any longer was such a relief. I moved away from Valentines office and went straight to the elevator going to go to the rehab center and tell Alec about Sebastian. I'm sure he won't like that I didn't step in and help Sebastian but he'll be so happy that he has a friend he'll look passed it.

I walked up to the rehab center excited to see Alec again but I stopped at the doors when Robert Lightwood walked out. He stopped in front of the door looking at me and an amused smirk appeared on his face. "You here to see Alexander?" I glared at him "so what if I am?"

He shrugged "I don't understand why you're wasting your time with Alexander. You know all the diseases he must have from sleeping with all of those men?" My glare intensified "Alec got tested regularly, he's not diseased." Robert shrugged starting to walk away "if you want to take a chance with aids that's your purgative."

I turned watching him walk away "why are you so horrible to Alec? He's your son, your own flesh and blood so why are you so cold?" Robert stopped walking staying silent for a moment before looking back at me. "I did love Alexander till he disgraced me."

I clenched my fists "He likes men! It's not like he's a murderer or a drug dealer!" "No, he's a prostitute and a drug abuser. Lightwoods are not that weak."

"You're the one who made him have to resort to those things. If you just chose to love him for who he was then his life would have been fine. Alec being gay doesn't change anything about him. What changed him was living Downtown."

Robert rolled his eyes "Alexander made his own choice. My kicking him out had nothing to do with it." "It had everything to do with it" I screamed making people close by stare at us. "You took Alecs' brother from him, you kicked him out, then you kept his precious brothers' death from him. What kind of monster does that?"

"Alexander would have tainted Max with his disgusting ways. Max was my only son left, I wasn't going to let him turn into one of them, one of you." I glared more "you can call me whatever you want but I won't let you talk about Alec like that. He's not some sickness that is contagious."

Robert smirked again "you should give up on him Magnus Bane. Alexander is a ticking time bomb. If you leave him now you may be able to avoid the disaster, he'll become once he explodes." "He's your son" I screamed again really wanting to punch him in his smug face.

A nurse walked out of the rehab looking at us nervously "um excuse me, you're both causing commotion and I have to ask you to leave." I looked at her frowning "I'm here to see someone." She frowned "well visiting hours are actually ending in a few minutes. You'll have to come back tomorrow."

I sighed mad that I wasted my time fighting with Robert instead of seeing Alec. "Fine I'll come see him in the morning" I said before turning and walking away. I walked passed Robert and he watched me go "I mean it Magnus. You should just leave him."

I looked back at him "I will never ever turn my back on Alec. Once he gets out of rehab I will give him the life he has always wanted. We'll get a place, get married, hell we might even get a baby. Anything Alec desires I will give it to him."

Robert looked at me expressionless "you're a fool Magnus Bane." I shook my head "the only fool here is you Robert Lightwood. You're a fool for give up on someone as amazing as Alec." I turned away from him and left the rehab facility, going to the apartment I shared with Ragnor.

The moment I got home I threw my work bag on the couch and plopped on the couch crossing my arms irritably. Ragnor, who was reading a book next to me, looked over at me. "Rough first day" he asked watching me. I let out an angry grunt "I cannot stand Robert Lightwood. I hate his guts!"

Ragnor shook his head "and why were you talking to Robert Lightwood?" I calmed down, looking at him. "I'm dating his son. Once Alec gets out of rehab we're going to be together." Ragnor slowly lowered his book "Alec lightwood? As in the Alec Lightwood from your article?"

I nodded and Ragnor hit me on the back of the head with his book. I grabbed my head frowning "why does everyone keep doing that? Camille did the same thing yesterday with a magazine." Ragnor shook his head putting the book on the coffee table.

"Magnus you should know better than to mix business and pleasure. That boy isn't going to love you once this article comes out. You pretty much hung up all his dirty laundry for everyone to see." I frowned "everyone keeps saying that but I love Alec."

He looked at me expressionless "if you truly loved him you wouldn't have given Valentine the story to begin with." I frowned "but it was all I had and I was desperate to be part of Circle Inc. this story has bumped me up to top reporter Ragnor. Top reporter!" He made a displeased face "oh lord, that means I work for you."

I smirked at that before frowning again "I tried to get the story back but Valentine wouldn't reconsider." Ragnor picked up his book again only to once again hit me on the back of the head "Magnus you are an idiot. Circle Inc. is a once in a life time opportunity. You don't throw a chance like this out the window for some boy."

"But he's not just some boy Ragnor. I love him" I whined, trying to get him to see. He shook his head "I'm sorry Magnus I just don't think he's worth it. It's been a week that's an impossible time to fall in love. This isn't some fanfiction, it's real life."

"You don't understand Ragnor. I want to have a life with Alec. He deserves a real life of love and stability. Not drugs and prostitution. I never want him going back to that life."

I stood up looking down at him "Alec is my future no matter how he reacts to this article. I'm sure he'll forgive me and we'll be together. That's what love is right?" He just stared up and me and I shook my head before going to my room and going to bed.

 **Day 3**

The next morning Ragnor walked into my room throwing one of his slippers at me waking me up. I shot up out of bed looking around before glaring at him "what?" He crossed his arms leaning on my doorframe "we're going to be late for breakfast with Tessa and Catarina. Get up you bum."

I stuck my tongue out at him before getting out of bed "fine just let me get dressed." He nodded walking out and I looked through my closet thinking about my article. How many people have read it already? What were people going to say about it?

A huge chunk of me was hoping the rehab Alec was at didn't get the paper so he wouldn't even know about the article. By time he gets out of rehab it will all blow over and he'll never have to find out. That is wishful thinking on my part but I really want this to happen.

I changed into some black skinny jeans before looking for a shirt to wear. My gaze stopped on one of my old sweaters. It was gray and had a couple holes from being eaten by the washer. I pulled the sweater off the hook thinking of Alec and his holy sweaters. With a smile I slipped on the sweater before going to Ragnor.

Ragnor held up the newspaper "want to read your article really quick? I haven't yet." I considered it before looking at my watch "no the girls are waiting for us. I'll read it when I get home." He nodded and left with me heading to our favorite diner.

Tessa and Catarina were already seated in a booth sipping on a cup of coffee. We skootched in across from them and I smiled "morning ladies." Catarina looked at me "long time no see Magnus. I'm glad to see you're still alive."

I rolled my eyes at that comment "Downtown wasn't that bad." That of course, was a flat out lie. Downtown was downright horrifying! If I didn't have Alec, there to protect me I'm sure I would have been smothered by the intenseness of downtown.

"Well I'm just glad you're back in one piece. Did you get over that crush you had on the boy from Jems' party" Tessa asked before going back to sipping her coffee. "I am still seeing Alexander. He went to rehab to beat his addiction to cocaine."

Catarina shook her head "that won't be an easy habit to kick. Are you sure he's strong enough to survive rehab?" "of course he is. Alec is the strongest person I have ever met."

Ragnor grabbed the menu looking it over "Magnus wrote his article about him. He put his boyfriends' baggage out there for everyone to read." Tessa looked shocked "he let you do that?" I scratched the back of my head "well actually, he didn't know I was reporting on him."

Tessa frowned "what did he think you were doing?" "Fashion. I told him I needed to be inspired by downtown for an edgy feel for my designs. He wanted the money I offered him so I don't think he cared."

"You're blindsiding the poor guy" Catarina sighed shaking her head. I looked at her "I'm not blindsiding him." "Oh yes you are. The poor guy won't see it coming" Ragnor agreed.

"Can we just order please" I asked looking at my menu. They all shrugged looking at their own menus. Staring at the menu all I could think about was when Alec and I had breakfast with Aline and Helen. I said hurtful things to him and he flipped the table storming out.

I smiled when a new memory formed in my head. Alec and I's first date at the little rundown diner. I could see Alec now sitting across the table laughing happily as I talked to him about all kinds of things. We'll do that again soon I just know it.

"Can you believe how pathetic this Alexander Lightwood guy is" a male voice from the booth behind us asked. I frowned hearing him and I leaned in listening. Another male voice snorted "yeah I used to know that guy. My parents would always compare me to him and ask why I can't be more like him. Still want me to be like him mom" he asked to I'm guessing no one in particular.

"My mother used to say the same thing. Alexander used to be respected among the adults his father worked with. Now look at him, selling himself and getting a drug addiction. It serves him right for thinking he was so much better than us" the first male said snickering.

I frowned standing up and looking at them "what right do you have to say something like that huh?" Both the boys looked up, watching me with bored expressions on their faces. "who the hell are you" the first boy, he had brown hair and green eyes, asked. The second boy who had black hair with blue streaks in it, looked at the paper before looking back at me "aren't you the guy who wrote this article?"

The brunette looked me over and smirked "it is him. That's Magnus Bane alright." I glared at them "what right do you have talking bad about Alexander. He has been through a lot and you should respect that."

They both busted out laughing "we should respect him for selling his body and being addicted to drugs. Like hell we'll do that." Ragnor grabbed at the sleeve of my sweater whispering for me to sit back down but I ignored him. "You have no right to badmouth Alec."

The blue haired boy raised an eyebrow at this "isn't that what you technically did by even writing this article?" I frowned at that "what do you mean?" He shrugged "you should know by growing up here that up towners are judgmental. If you're going to write this, you should know that the people who read it are going to tar him apart."

The brown haired boy nodded in agreement "everything written here is true right? Every little thing?" I frowned "yes but" "But nothing. If you're going to throw him to the sharks, you should expect blood."

My shoulders dropped at their words and I looked down frowning before just turning and walking out of the diner. Ragnor got up running after me "Magnus wait, where are you going?" I looked back at him "I'm going to go home, you stay here and have breakfast with the girls." I frowned "Magnus we tried to tell you that this would happen."

I just turned and walked away not wanting to hear it. I knew deep down this is what would happen. There was a voice screaming at me to stop but I didn't listen to it. Now it was too late and I threw Alec into a fire of judgmental snobs. There was no turning back now.

I walked into my apartment frowning wondering what I should do next. Should I go to the rehab building and tell Alec what I did, beg for his forgiveness? I looked over at the kitchen table and the suitcase full of money was sitting there staring at me. I stared back at it for a long moment before walking up to it.

I grabbed the handle and picked it up still staring at it. "I'll go visit Alec and plan for the future. I'll show him how happy he's going to be and maybe that will somehow make what I did better." Not taking another second to think about it, I was out the door and heading to the rehab.

I walked into the building looking around for Alec but when he wasn't in plain sight I walked up to a nurse smiling. "Excuse me, I would like to visit with Alexander Lightwood." She smiled up at me "okay, may I ask your name and how you know him." I nodded "I'm Magnus Bane and I'm his boyfriend."

She seemed pleased by this. "Boyfriend you say? Well I bet he would love to see you then, follow me outside would you" she asked before leading me to the back. I followed her outside and to an area surrounded in picnic tables.

She told me to have a seat before walking away to go get Alec. I sat down putting the case on the ground by my feet. I was nervous about seeing Alec but I was mostly excited. I couldn't wait to see his gorgeous face. Hopefully he would be smiling.

Alec walked out with the nurse and I couldn't stop the smile from coming to my face. Alec himself didn't look like he was in the best shape. He seemed tired and his eyes seemed swollen from crying a lot. Once we started making plans for the future I'm sure the crying will stop.

Alec sat down and folding his hands on the table before meeting my eyes with ice cold blue eyes. "Magnus" he said coldly making me lose my smile. "What's wrong?" Alec set his jaw, obviously pissed about something "you have the balls to sit in front of me and ask me what's wrong?"

I frowned searching his angry blue eyes. He couldn't have found out about the article already could he? Praying that I was wrong I reached over putting my hand on top of his "Alexander I really don't see what you're so upset about." He snatched his hand away, his eyes turning colder if that was even possible.

"You know very well what you did Magnus. You wrote an article about me and lied about why you were watching me. Wanting an edgy look for your designs what load of shit!" I froze terrified that he already knew what I've done and I reached for his hand again but he pulled it away.

"Alexander I know I lied but I didn't lie about how I feel about you. I love you." His glare got more intense as he stared at me "don't throw that word around Magnus. You obviously don't love me because you threw my life out there for everyone to read and then you flat out lied."

I frowned confused by what he meant by that. Everything I wrote in the article was completely true. I would have never lied about his story. "I may have lied about what my job was but I didn't write a single thing that wasn't true in that article."

Alec shook his head "more and more lies." I frowned looking down at the table. I lied about who I was and why I was downtown yes but that's all. I didn't lie about anything else.

"Is that my money" Alec asked glancing down at the suitcase. I frowned nodding and picked it up putting it on the table. "I'm not really sure why I brought it. I figured we could plan what to do with it after you get out."

Alec shook his head closing his eyes "this money is mine and I'll do with it as a please without you." I watched him frowning "Alec I don't understand what's happening here." He grabbed the suitcase standing up. "You and I are over before we even began. You can do whatever you want with your life because I don't need you in mine."

I stood up grabbing Alecs' arm "wait a second Alexander. You're going to give up on us because of my job?" He pulled away from me glaring "I'm giving up on us because you hurt me one too many times. Goodbye Magnus."

He turned walking away and I shook my head yelling "Alec! Alexander come back please." He ignored me though, going inside. I don't know how long I sat at that bench staring down at the wood. Alexander broke up with me and thinks I'm a liar.

Finally, I snapped out of it and left going straight to Circle Inc. to get some answers. When I got there, Valentine smiled up at me from his desk. "Magnus, your article was a huge hit." I walked up to his desk frowning "Alexander broke up with me."

Those words tasted like vinegar in my mouth. I didn't want to believe those words. Valentine frowned "how unfortunate." I looked at him frowning "he thinks I lied about something in the article."

Valentine leaned back in his chair. "Yes well, I made a few minor changes." My frown deepened "what did you change?" He shrugged "I took out the stuff about rehab and said he joined Raphael Santiago instead."

My eyes widened "but that's not what happened" I yelled slamming my hands on his desk. Valentine looked at my hands on his desk before glancing up at me coldly. "The readers loved it." I shook my head "but it's not true."

Valentine sighed standing up "Magnus real journalism isn't about truth. If it's not juicy then it's just boring. Alec going to rehab and getting clean was a boring ending so I made it interesting." I shook my head "we're supposed to be getting real hard hitting news."

Valentine looked at me looking angry "this is how we do things around here Magnus. Either you accept that or you can go. I told you I want a hundred percent loyalty and that's what you promised me." I nodded "I know I promised but lying is wrong."

Valentine raised an eyebrow at this "is this your way of telling me you quit?" I frowned all the anger draining out of me. I couldn't lose this job, it's what I've been working toward for years. "No Valentine… I'm not quitting."

He nodded sitting back in his chair "then if you're going to stay you'll do things the way I say. If that means stretching the truth, then that's what you do. Got that?" I nodded frowning wondering what it is a got myself into.

 **Day 4**

 _I stood in the middle of the street looking up as it snowed down. The snow was beautiful surrounded by the background of Christmas lights. What was I doing standing in the middle of the street in the snow? "Sorry we took so long Magnus" Alexanders voice came from behind me._

 _I turned watching him walk out of an apartment building. He walked up to me smiling happily and all I could do was stare at him. "Why are you out of rehab? Why are you talking to me again?"_

 _Alec blinked confused "I haven't been in rehab in five years." My eyes widened "five years?" Alec frowned reaching up and touching my cheek. His touch was warm all except a cold wedding band around his finger._

" _Magnus are you feeling all right? If you're sick, we can skip the tree lighting this year." "We can't miss it father, I wanna see it" a small unfamiliar voice whined. I looked down and gasped seeing A little five-year-old boy with tan skin, black hair and blue eyes._

 _Alec knelt down to the boys' level "Max, if daddy is sick then its best he goes inside before it gets worse." I watched the boy before looking at Alec "who is this Alexander?" Both Alec and Max looked up at me confused "this is our son Magnus. Wow maybe you really should stay home."_

 _I shook my head "but I don't understand. How is any of this possible?" Alec stood up crossing his arms "I left rehab five years ago and we got a flat in this building. We got married and a little while later we adopted Max." I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that we broke up but the thought quickly left my head and I smiled._

" _Oh that's right, I don't know why I forgot such important details." Max looked up at me frowning "Are you okay daddy?" I looked down at him smiling "I've never been better. Let's get to the tree lighting."_

 _Max cheered excitedly but Alec looked skeptical. "I think we should stay home. You might be getting delirious from fever." I wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulders smiling "I'm fine I swear."_

 _I grabbed Max's hand with my free hand and I led us away to see the tree lighting. Once we got there, Max looked up gasping happily at all the pretty colors of the tree. "It's colorful like daddy." I rolled my eyes smiling "I'm not that colorful."_

 _Alec smiled laying his head on my shoulder "you're a close second." I smiled at him, kissing his forehead "this feels like a dream." Alec's body tensed under my arm "that's because it is a dream." I frowned looking down at him "what?"_

 _He looked up at me and his eyes were full of hate "this is all a dream. It must be a dream because in reality I can't stand you at all. I don't love you." I dropped my arm from his shoulder looking at him shocked "what do you mean you don't love me?"_

 _Alec met my eyes with dull lifeless blue ones "you betrayed me Magnus. Now you are nothing to me." I frowned shaking my head "but we're married, and we have Max." I turned to look at Max but he was gone. Everyone was gone and now it was just Alec and I._

 _I looked back at Alec frowning "Alexander… I never wanted to hurt you." Alec cocked his head to the side, his face blank of all emotion. It was as if he was unable to feel emotion at all "but you did, and for that you have to pay." I opened my mouth to apologize again but went silent when Alec pulled out a gun, pointing it at my chest._

 _I looked from the gun to Alec's face in shock. "Alexander, what are you doing with a gun?" "I'm eliminating you out of my life Magnus, permanently." "Alexander please," I begged but it was useless. Alexander pulled the trigger and I could feel the excruciating pain of a bullet going into my heart._

I shot up in bed gasping and heaving for breath. I felt like the bullet was actually stuck inside my chest and it hurt to breath. I put my hand over my heart trying to calm down. It was just a dream; there's no way Alec would kill me. There's no way Alec would kill anyone.

"Calm down Magnus; it was just a really bad dream" I told myself before going to my bathroom to splash some water on my face. As the cold water hit me the tight feeling in my chest vanished. I thought about the good parts of the dream and the tight feeling returned when I thought about the little boy. Alec and I adopted that sweet boy and we named him after Alecs' little brother. I was hit with the erg to pull that little boy close and hold him forever. Now that he wasn't here though I felt like a dad with a dead child.

"I need to get to work" I sighed before going to my closet to pick out an outfit for the day. My mind kept wondering back to Alec though. His angry eyes when he broke up with me yesterday, his dead emotionless eyes in my dream, the slight thrill I saw on his face after he shot me. My dreams usually warned me about things to come so what could this one mean?

I shook off the thought of the dream, quickly changing and going to work where I can drown my sorrows in research. When I got to Circle Inc. Valentines assistant was waiting for me having a hot vanilla mocha ready for me. "Valentine is waiting for you in his office Mr. Bane." I nodded thanking him before going straight to his office.

When I entered Valentine smiled at me "oh good you're here. All my assistances are busy so I was wondering if you could do something for me." I nodded walking up to his desk "what is it?" "I want you to look up the best private schools for me."

I frowned confused "why would you need that?" He stood up walking over to a whiteboard and starting to write on it. "Once Jonathan gets out of rehab he needs to become better educated. He's going to take over my company someday so I want him to stop being so insignificant."

"Insignificants a harsh word to use on your own son don't you think?" He shrugged "It's what he is. I won't sugarcoat for anyone not even my child." "Okay, why do you need more than one school?"

Valentine stopped writing, putting the marker down "because I want him to learn everything there is possible to learn. Mathematics, geography, music, even cooking. Anything possible for him to learn I want him to learn it." I frowned "but that's so harsh."

Valentine looked at me "you keep using that word. Do you have a problem with my parenting Magnus?" Honestly, I did. After watching him beat Sebastian yesterday I could see now that Valentine wasn't everything he pretended to be.

"I'm not saying that sir. All I'm saying is if you bend someone so far they're bound to snap or break. You may be putting a little too much on him at once. Maybe you could ease him into the schools instead of springing them onto him."

Valentine rubbed his temples sighing before going back to his desk "just go get me the list of schools. I expect them on my desk in one hour." I nodded and walked out going to my own office to do as he asked.

A couple hours later Valentine walked into my office making me frown "were the lists not good" I asked looking at him. He shook his head no "it's not that. I want you to start on your next article." I smiled happy to get some work "great what is it about?"

"it's another article on Alexander" he said sitting down. I frowned "why another Alexander article?" Valentine smiled "people are eating up Alexander gossip right now. They want to know more about him and the Lightwood families' dirty secrets."

"I already told them everything there is to know about Alec. As for the other Lightwoods I don't think they have any more secrets." Valentine rolled his eyes "that's when you make something up." I was shocked by the suggestion "you want me to lie?"

Valentine nodded "I told you yesterday Magnus that people want to read a good story. If that means bending the truth to give it to them then that's what we do. They want dirt on Lightwoods so you're going to create some dirt." I wanted to scream at him to shove his fake article up his ass but I couldn't do that.

"Of course Valentine. I'll think of something and have it on your desk by Friday." Valentine nodded looking pleased and he stood up walking out of my office. Once the elevator door closed I screamed and swiped the paper work off of my desk so it went flying everywhere onto the floor.

I wanted to write real stories and I've always respected Circle Inc. for doing that but now I see they're just like everyone else. A huge chunk of me wanted to quit but I couldn't allow that to happen. I have worked too hard and lost too much to not have this job at the end. I frowned thinking about how much more I'll be hurting Alec by spreading more lies about him and his family.

"I'll never be forgiven" I sighed rubbing my eyelids irritably. If I write this new article, then that's it. Any chance Alec would ever come back to me would be out the window. Who was I kidding, that window is already shut and locked forever.

The elevator door opened and a boy around Alec's age walked in looking at the mess of papers on the floor before looking at me. "Bad day" he asked walking up to my desk. I raised an eyebrow at him "who are you?" He smiled "I heard you were writing another article on Alexander Lightwood and I happen to have some juicy info I'm willing to sell you.

I frowned not liking that Alec had even more secrets I didn't know about. "How do I know what you tell me is true?" He held up a folder "because I have proof. If you pay me handsomely I'll tell you all you want to know."

I was curious now. What else could there possibly be about Alecs' past that I didn't know yet. "Very well. Show me what you have and I'll consider using it."

He put the folder on the desk "my roommate stole Alexander Lightwoods virginity when he went to a downtown party." "He was Alec's first customer" I asked taking a sip of my new cup of coffee. He shook his head no "Alexander wasn't a prostitute yet back then. My roommate says he roofied Alexander and raped him."

I spit out my coffee in shock before looking at him "you serious?" He nodded sliding the folder over to me "pictures of Alexander passed out and naked are in this file." "He took pictures" I asked outraged. The boy smirked "he took video too but he wasn't willing to give that one up since he's in it."

I shook my head trying to get everything straightened out. Alec was roofied and raped, the guy filmed the whole thing, then after he took pictures of Alec while he was knocked out. Who would be so cruel to do that? I can't write an article about that it's way too personal.

I looked down at the folder sitting on my desk and with a shaky hand I grabbed it and opened it. There were over ten pictures of Alec passed out on a bed with nothing but a sheet thrown over his body. The sheet was covered in blood and Alec's wrists were bruised from being restrained. Alec wasn't covered up in some of the pictures and the thought of some creep doing this to Alec made me want to throw up.

I closed the file "I refuse to write about this. Take them and leave." The boy frowned before glaring "hey this is good gossip. Valentine would want to run it."

He was right, Valentine would love to run it. I'm sure it's the dirt he's been waiting for. I closed my eyes tight knowing that I would have no way out of publishing this horrible story. "Fine, I'll take the pictures. You'll get your payment at the front desk."

The boy nodded shaking my hand before walking out. I shoved the photos off my desk before putting my face in my hands. Not able to hold back the tears stinging at my eyes. To think Alec went through something so horrible and I had to tell everyone in New York about it.

This isn't something that would blow over once Alec gets out of rehab. Everyone will look at him knowing what happened and either they will laugh at him or pity him. Either way he won't be able to stand it. He'll go running back to downtown for sure.

I rubbed the tears out of my eyes sighing before getting up and picking up the photos. I had no choice, I had to write this story to keep this job. I'll definitely lose Alec forever if I do this. There's no turning back after this. I stood up frowning trying to shove away my last shred of guilt before going to present this story to Valentine.

 **Day Five**

All I could do was lay in bed all day. Valentine loved the story of Alec and he approved it to be printed out this Sunday. I pushed the actual writing of the article onto one of the lower level reporters. I couldn't handle writing about Alexanders pain.

Ragnor knocked on my bedroom door before walking in "there's someone here to see you." I rolled over onto my side, having my back to him. "I don't want to see anyone." The door slammed open more and Jace's voice angrily said "too bad you're going to see me wither you like it or not."

I looked back at him frowning "why are you here?" Jace crossed his arms "how could you write that article about Alec? What kind of selfish bastard would claim they love someone then throw all their dirty secrets out there for the whole world to read? Alec trusted you."

I sighed sitting up in bed "Ragnor, can you leave us alone for a moment?" He looked between us hesitating before walking out closing the door behind him. Jace watched him before looking back at me "Alec came here to get better yet how do you expect him to get better while spitting in his face? He came here to be with you right?"

"Yes he did and I know I screwed that up. That's on me though not you so leave me alone" I said laying back down with my back turned to him. "I just got done seeing Alec." I looked back at him "how was he?"

"Horrible. Jonathan Morgenstern killed himself last night, Alec feels betrayed by everyone he knows, and he wants nothing to do with anyone every again." I sat up frowning "is he going to leave rehab?" He shook his head "he went back to his room so I think he's staying."

I nodded running my hand through my hair relieved "he can't leave without Michael Wayland signing him out anyway." Jace leaned on the wall frowning "he told me I'm no longer his best friend. He said I'm nothing to him." I frowned "I'm sure he's just stressed and doesn't mean it."

Jace looked at me "I need you to go there and make him forgive you. You convinced him to come back home so you can talk him into forgiving you." I raise an eyebrow at that "you just called me a self-centered bastard a moment ago; so, why do you want me with Alec?"

He rolled his eyes "should you really have to ask? Alec is happy with you; it was obvious to see even when he was acting like he couldn't care less about you. You're the only one who can pull him out of this grief." "I'm one of the people who made him have that grief. He won't want to see me."

Jace glared at me again "so you're just going to give up on Alec just like that? You're not going to even try to fight for him? You really aren't the guy I thought you were. Fuck you Magnus."

I laid back down pulling my blanket over my head. "Leave me alone Jace. Alexander is done with me and I'm done with you. Get out."

There was silence for a few moments before my bedroom door opened and slammed closed. I stayed hidden under my blanket putting my face in my hands and sobbing. Alec is in so much pain and it's all my fault. It'll only get worse when this new article comes out Sunday.

I don't deserve to be the hero that pulls Alec out of the slump. I don't deserve to have him blush at me or smile at something I said. I sold my soul to the devil and now it was all too late. Alexander was better off without me.

 **Day Six**

.

I woke up from yet another nightmare about Alexander. They all end the same with him pointing a gun at me. Was it all supposed to mean? What were my dreams trying to tell me?

I looked at the time seeing it was one in the afternoon. Visiting hours at the center would have started by now. I have to make Alec see me so I can make sure he's alright. Maybe yelling at me will make him feel better.

I got up and changed before making my way to the rehab center. When I got there I was surprised to see there was a lot more security than usual. I looked at one of the guards before walking up to the front desk saying "excuse me. I'm here to see Alexander Lightwood."

She frowned looking up at me "who are you to him?" I opened my mouth to say boyfriend but stopped when I realized I wasn't his boyfriend anymore. "I'm his ex." She frowned more and glanced away as if wondering if she should tell me what she wanted to say.

I put both my hands on the desk leaning in closer "please; if something happened to Alexander I need to know about it." She hesitated before saying "he tried to sexually assault one of the male nurses." I got wide eyed at this then glared "Alec would never, ever do anything like that!" She frowned "please don't shout sir. Two nurses caught him in the act."

I shook my head frowning "there's no way he did that. He must have been defending himself or something. Where is he? I'll talk to him and get the story."

"He's gone sir. He knew the guards were coming for him so he ran away." My eyes widened in shock. "He ran away from rehab? How did he manage that without getting signed out?"

She frowned "well we aren't really sure. Until we find out how he did it we are adding on security." I shook my head before turning and running out of the building to find Alec. He had to be downtown, where else would he go. I made it to the front gate but stopped when I heard Alecs' name come out of someone's mouth.

I turned looking at who was talking and it was a couple nurses. I hid behind a tree listening in to the conversation. "It sucks that he got away. Aren't you afraid he'll come back and try to rape you again Dan" one of the nurses asked.

The other nurse; Dan, just laughed slightly "of course not. I'm the one who was trying to rape him. He tried to tell everyone but of course no one believed him. The whore shouldn't have made such a big deal about sleeping with me in the first place."

The other nurse laughed shaking his head "you really are evil." I clenched my fists tight before coming out of hiding "so you're the reason why Alexander left rehab?" Both the boys looked at me and Dan crossed his arms "so what if I am? Who the hell are you?"

I glared at him "I'm Alec Lightwoods boyfriend. How dare you try to rape him, he's already been through that once." Dan rolled his eyes before smirking at me "you're his boyfriend. You should understand how fuckable he looks."

I clenched my fist tighter before punching Dan square in the jaw. He fell to the ground groaning out in pain and I glared down at him. "You are scum and I hope you get what's coming to you." I turned running out of the rehab gates and heading straight to downtown.

I got to the boarders of uptown and downtown, stopping and looking ahead. Alec ran to downtown because that's where he wants to be. He made a choice to go back to his old life where he felt safe. Who was I to try to take that away from him?

What if I did find him? Would I say 'hey Alec you should come home and go to rehab where everyone thinks you're a rapist. Oh and by the way I'm in charge of an article telling all of New York about you being raped.' Yeah that would never work.

I was right yesterday in thinking that I shouldn't be allowed to be Alec's hero. I'm one of the people who hurt him and I'm just going to keep hurting him over and over again. I looked head at downtown for a few more seconds before turning around and heading home. It's hopeless, Alec will be better off… if I just let him go.

* * *

 **We all hating Magnus? He is very bad in this chapter sadly. In the next chapter an entire year passes!**

 **P.S I found a really cool song the other day that seriously sounds like the Alec of this story! The song is called Once by Bradly Caleb Kane.**

 **You guys should totally listen to it, I'm sure you'll see the Alec of my story in the song.**


	10. The Complicated Hit-man

**I have a lot to say guys but it will mostly be down at the bottom. What I will say up here though is that I will be going two weeks without internet most likely starting tomorrow. So I won't be able to update any of my stories. The good news though is that I will have time to write a lot so there may be chapters ready for when I get back.**

 **I wanted to name this chapter 'The would be complicated if he gave a shit job' but it was too long DX**

* * *

It's Complicated Chapter Ten: The Complicated Hit-man

Alec Pov a Year Later- "How long do we have to sit herrrre? I'm borrrrrd" the annoying young blond whined from next to me. We were laying on the ground, hiding in the bushes while watching the building across the street. "Maureen, stop complaining. You're going to make Alec lose his concentration" an annoying male voice said from the other side of me.

Maureen looked at him glaring "I'm not complaining Malcolm; I'm whining there's a difference." He glared back at her "no Maureen, there really isn't a difference. You're annoying Alec and breaking his focus." "Oh, and what does that say about you? You're yelling at me and screaming in Alec's ear so that must be breaking his focus too."

"I'm not screaming. In fact, I would call this a whisper" he said looking at his nails. "A whisper" she yelled making me shush them both loudly. "Can you two keep it down? You're both making me lose my focus so shut it."

They both stayed quiet for a moment before looking away pouting like scolded children. These two charming people were my partners Maureen Brown and Malcolm Fade. Both are childish, annoying, and don't know how to take things seriously. Why Raphael would ever hire them I have no idea but he did.

A year ago to this very day I joined Raphael's Mob. I had a choice between selling his drugs or taking out his enemies so I chose the second option. Sure, I never thought I would be a killer and the old me wouldn't even consider hurting anyone. The old me is dead though, all that remains is what I need to survive.

Once I decided on becoming a hitman Raphael put me with his top two killers saying that their skills are great but they could use a serious hand to guide them. Oh how right he was about that. Maureen Brown was only eighteen years old and was always obsessed with every attractive guy she comes across. Her latest crush happens to be on Raphael's boyfriend Simon Lewis which makes it surprising that Raphael hasn't killed her yet.

Malcolm Fade was just as childish if not more so then Maureen. He picks fights with her all the time and he treats our missions like it's all one big game for him to play. I'm pretty sure he's older than I am but he's always lying about his age so I don't know it for sure. Being the serious one it was only obvious that I would become the leader of our little group.

"How much longer do we have to lay here and wait" Maureen whined sitting up and starting to pull loose grass off of her white dress. "I wanna go home and see Simon." Malcolm snorted at this "Simon doesn't want to see you." Maureen punched him in the arm and I rolled my eyes before pulling out my binoculars and looking across the street through the bushes.

A black limo drove up to the building and seconds later the guy we were after stepped out and went inside the building with a couple body guards. A few more body guards stayed outside covering the door. "He's here" I said sitting up and looking at them "you two remember the plan?"

Maureen stood up brushing off her dress "I wanna play with them for a bit. What's the fun of these jobs if we can't play mind games with them?" I shook my head no "this is too important to risk holding back. I need to get info out of that man before I kill him and I want as many of his guards out of the way as possible. Don't play with them or tease them, if you see a guard shoot to kill got it?"

"Where's the fun in that though" Malcolm asked pouting. "This isn't meant to be fun. Now do as I say." They both nodded before getting their guns ready and sneaking closer to the building.

Maureen hid behind the limo pointing her gun at one of the guards. She pulled the trigger hitting one before moving along and hitting two more. Three more guards were left and they looked around frantically trying to locate where the shots came from. Malcolm sat on the other end of the limo gun ready and in seconds the remaining guards fell.

I stood up out of the bushes and quickly ran across the street going to the building doors. "The boss is mine. You all make sure no one interrupts us." They nodded and I ran inside heading for the main office.

As I turned corners guards saw me but I shot them in the head before they even had a chance to raise their weapons. Shoot to kill that was always my creed. Showing mercy in life will only make you weak. It's a dog eat dog world.

I stopped in front of the main office looking around for more guards before pulling out more bullets and reloading my gun. I made sure it was set before kicking the door open. Three guards were in the room and the moment the door was open they opened fire on me. I quickly dodged bullet after bullet running to one of the walls of the room.

I ran up the wall before pushing off of it, back flipping so I was over all the guards. I pulled out a second gun and pulled both triggers shooting all three guards in the head. They fell to the floor and I landed on the desk. I watched to make sure they were really down before looking over my shoulder at my client.

He was sitting in his big business chair shaking from head to toe looking like he was about to piss himself. The corner of my mouth lifted into a slight smirk before I sat Indian style on the desk, now facing him. "Axel Mortmain, you have information my boss wants. Give it to me and I'll let you live."

Axel stopped shaking and smirked up at me. "I know who you are. You're Alexander Lightwood correct? I guess that article about you joining Raphael Santiago was true."

I shrugged "I made it true. Tell me what I want to know for this doesn't have to get ugly." His smirk grew pissing me off. "You're just a boy, the perfect little Lightwood boy couldn't bring himself to kill me."

It was my turn to smirk now. "Perfect you say? If you read that article about me then you know I'm far from perfect or innocent. I won't hesitate to kill you. It's up to you on wither or not you want to be tortured beforehand."

He glared up at me making eye contact but not saying anything. I sighed running my hand through my hair "I really didn't want to have to do this the hard way." I pulled a dagger out of my belt and dug it deep into Axles' hand so he was pinned to the arm of his chair. He screamed to the top of his lungs from the pain and I grabbed a second dagger doing the same to his other hand.

I moved off the desk grabbing my gun again "now Mr. Mortmain, you can tell me what I want to know or things will just get worse for you. I would think a man as proud as you would like to die with some class. Let's not embarrass yourself any further." Axle didn't lose his glare "I won't say a word."

I sighed shaking my head before looking at him "I know I told my partners we weren't going to play games but how about you and I play one?" I opened my gun dumping the bullets out of it. "Let's play a little game of Russian roulette shall we" I asked grabbing one bullet and putting it back in the gun. His eyes widened but he didn't lose his cool.

I walked up to him and pressed the gun to the side of his head while I placed my free hand on his shoulder. "Now, someone sank Raphael's last shipment of drugs. You work for who did it so give me a name." He glanced at me still glaring "I have no idea what you're talking about."

I pulled the trigger making it click. Mortmain closed his eyes bracing himself but nothing happened. "lucky you, you get to live a little longer. Now tell me who led that shipment being sank." Mortmain shook his head "I can't tell you. He'll kill me himself if I give his name away."

*Click* I pulled the trigger again, another blank space. "There's only three slots left Mortmain. I would choose your next words very wisely." He started to shake in fear again, all of his fake confidence leaving him.

"please, don't kill me. I can't tell you who it is, either way I'll be done. Your father and I are friends. What would he think if he knew what you were doing?"

This made me chuckle darkly "like I give a shit what my father thinks. I would gladly put a bullet in his head as well. Your whining counts as an answer so that means" *click*. Mortmain cried out as I pulled the trigger again, but once again nothing happened.

He looked back at me, his eyes scared and desperate "come on kid. I have a family, I can't die and leave them all alone." I glared at him not liking him using his family as a scapegoat. "Maybe you should have thought about your family before you made such bad life choices."

*click* nothing happened again meaning the last slot was holding the bullet. "Oh what a pity, the game will be over so soon. I'll repeat my words from earlier Mortmain. Choose your words wisely; they may be the last words you ever say."

I pressed the gun harder again his temple and he closed his eyes tight. "Alright I'll tell you! It was Valentine Morgenstern! Valentine sank the shipment!"

I looked at him before slowly pulling the gun away from his head "why would Valentine Morgenstern be the one to do it? He's a news editor and that's all." Axel shook his head frantically "That's all just a cover. In truth he's also in the mob game and wants to take Raphael Santiago's territory."

I frowned thinking about that for a moment. Valentine goes out of his way to put Raphael in the limelight. He even went as far as to lie about me going to work for Raphael. Being the leader of Circle Inc. would be a great cover that no one would second guess.

Maybe Circle Inc. wasn't the only business Valentine wanted Jonathan to take over. He wanted Jonathan to be ruthless and cunning. Some of those schools he was going to be forced into wouldn't have benefited him working for a newspaper company. Could Jonathan really have killed himself because he didn't want to weight of taking people's lives on his shoulders?

"Yes… Valentine being the enemy makes sense." I'm sure all of his employees at Circle Inc. were oblivious to what their boss was doing behind the scenes. How he uses his workers to get dirt he wouldn't get otherwise. Magnus must also be oblivious.

I quickly shook my head not allowing my thoughts to go toward Magnus. It's his own damn fault that he was tricked by Valentine. If anything Magnus is as slimy and untruthful as Valentine so maybe he really does know the truth. "Thank you for the information" I said heading to the door.

Mortmain frowned "aren't you forgetting something" he asked looking at the daggers keeping him held hostage to his chair. I stopped still having my back turned to him. "Oh yes, I did forget something." I turned pointing the gun at him and pulling the trigger sending a bullet right through his head; killing him instantly.

I walked out of the room and Maureen and Malcolm were standing in the hallway waiting for me. Malcolm peeked into the room looking at Mortmain "I thought you told him you would spare his life." I started walking down the hall forcing them to follow me. "He should have been smart enough to know I was lying."

"Valentine Morgenstern" Raphael asked sitting at his desk. I nodded standing in front of his desk and looking down at him. "It makes a lot of sense really. Valentine is always out to make you look bad or make attention be on you. It makes you have to be cautious and while you're being cautious he ruins your shipments."

Raphael leaned back in his chair biting his thumb angrily "Dios, this will not stand." I nodded "we should act while he thinks we are in the dark. I'm sure he knows we killed Mortmain by now but he won't know if he talked." Raphael entwined his fingers laying his forehead on them thinking.

"I actually have my own personal mole inside of Circle Inc. but we may have to take a more drastic action." I blinked confused "who is the mole?" He smirked at this looking up at me "Simon. He started working as an assistant to your old boyfriend Magnus Bane about two months ago."

I glared at the mention of Magnus and Raphael put his hands up in defense "hey you asked." "What were you hoping to achieve by having Simon be a mole?" Raphael shrugged leaning back in his chair again. "I wanted us to know a head of time when Valentine would write about me again so I could be prepared."

He shook his head sighing "it seems we're dealing with something more than Simon can handle." He looked up at me seriously "Alec I want you to go take him out. Kill Valentine and I want no trace that you were ever there." I thought about it for a moment "why not have Simon poison Valentine?"

He shook his head no "I don't want it to get back to Simon and he be arrested for murder." I nodded "then I'll go into the abandoned building across from Circle Inc. and use my sniper to take Valentine out. I will leave the building before they even find out where the bullet came from." Raphael smiled at this "see, that's why you're my number one hitman."

"Should I take Maureen and Malcolm with me" I asked not going to be too happy if I did have to take them. He shook his head no again "the less people involved the better. We need a silent killer for this job." I nodded "when should I strike?"

"Right now" he said simply. "I don't want to give Valentine any time to find out that we have the upper hand. Kill him and come report it back to me." "Yes sir" I said before walking out of the office and heading to the weapons room.

Maureen was there alone with Simon Lewis. She was all over him flirting like always and he just seemed annoyed. "Maureen get out" I ordered making her pout "why?" I glared at her "because I have to prepare for a kill and you're annoying."

She stuck her tongue out at me before blowing Simon a kiss and walking away. Simon shuddered before shaking his head "hasn't she got the hint yet that I'm not into her?" I shrugged grabbing one of the snipers off the wall "I don't see what she and Raphael see in you." He looked at me "she had a small crush on you but it only lasted a week."

I loaded the gun shrugging "I told her I was gay so she backed off." Simon threw his hands in the air "but when I tell her I'm with Raphael she doesn't even hear it." I shrugged strapping the gun onto my back before putting on a leather jacket to hide it. "They say love is blind but in her case it's deaf."

Simon nodded before looking at my back "what are you going to do with that sniper?" I shrugged walking to the door "going to go kill Valentine Morgenstern." He watched me silently for a moment and as I went to grab the door knob he asks "You dated Magnus Bane right?" I stopped in place gritting my teeth in irritation.

"Why is everyone bringing him up" I growled. Simon rubbed the back of his head "well I'm his assistant at Circle Inc. and I noticed some things about him. He likes to stare at his phone blankly a lot so yesterday while he was away from his desk I grabbed his phone and looked through it. His lock screen picture is a picture of you smiling at him."

I frowned remembering how Magnus pulled out his phone and took a picture of me after our date. He took a couple more of us hugging and kissing. "Why are you telling me this" I asked trying not to lose my temper. I knew Simon meant well.

"Well it's just… I think he misses you Alec. I think he regrets all of the things he did to you and wants to see you again." I clenched my fists trying not to shake. "He should have thought about that before he spread those lies. He wrote that article about me then wrote another one telling all of New York about… well you know."

"About how you were raped" he finished making me look back at him glaring. "We don't speak of it. We don't talk about those articles and we don't talk about Magnus. Ever."

Simon frowned "are you still in love with him? If you are you should try to work it out with him. He did some shitty stuff but he regrets it." I glared at Simon a moment longer before turning my back to him. "I don't love anyone" I said before walking out of the room.

When I got to the abandoned building next to Circle Inc. I had to go from room to room to see which one was across from Valentines office. I settled on a room on the fifth floor that had a great window view of his office. I could see him sitting in his chair, doing paperwork. Rage built up inside me as I thought about everything he did to Jonathan.

He was the reason why Jonathan took his life. He was the reason Magnus betrayed me. Valentine was at the center of everything and killing him will be the ultimate reward. I couldn't mess this mission up no matter what.

I got the sniper ready before getting low looking through the reticle into Valentines office. I put my finger on the trigger getting ready to shoot and as I prepared to do so Valentines office door slammed open and Magnus Bane barged into the room. The shock of seeing Magnus made my finger slip on the trigger. A bullet shot out and went through Valentines window going over valentines' head and missing Magnus's by inches.

Valentine stood up quickly walking over to where the bullet was lodged into the wall before looking out his window glaring. I got down on the floor gasping, not noticing that I stopped breathing when the bullet almost hit Magnus. I caught my breath before closing my eyes and running my hand through my hair. "Calm down Alec, you missed so you have to go before he figures out where the bullet came from."

I went to stand up but ended up falling back down, my legs feeling like jelly. Why was I acting like this? I never blink an eye at killing anyone and now all of a sudden almost hitting Magnus freaks me out. I wish I hit him, I should have hit him!

"Come on you damn legs move" I yelled punching my leg to get the feeling back into it. Once I did get the feeling back I stood up running out of the room and out the building undetected. This whole thing was just ridiculous. I'm not the guy I was before; I don't care about anyone's wellbeing except my own. Especially when it's toward Magnus Bane.

Finally having all the feeling back in my legs I booked it to downtown. I couldn't risk being seen by anyone, especially one of Valentines followers. I could see the final border between Downtown and Uptown and I was almost to it but a sharp pain in my neck made me trip and fall on my face. I shakenly touched my neck to see what caused the pain and cursed under my breath when I felt a tranquilizer dart sticking out of my neck.

Two men one blonde and another dark skinned walked up to me smirking "well look what we caught in our trap. Raphael's new favorite toy Alec Lightwood." I glared up at them wanting to make a comeback at him but everything was going blurry. "Valentine will have a lot of fun interrogating you" the dark skinned man said before everything around me went dark.

Magnus Pov an hour before- I sat at my desk staring at the blank page of the Microsoft Word document on my screen. There was no inspiration; nothing to write about what so ever. I ran my hand over my face sighing deeply "this is hopeless." "Having trouble" my assistant Simon Lewis asked walking into my office.

I nodded leaning back in my chair staring at him "nothing inspires me. There's nothing really interesting going on." He put my coffee on the desk "well who knows maybe something will happen soon." Right on cue Valentine walking into my office "Magnus come on we're going on location for a story."

I stood up grabbing a notepad and pen excitedly "what's the topic?" "Axle Mortmain was murdered last night. We're going to the scene of the crime and getting the inside scoop." I blinked confused "won't the police keep us out?"

He shook his head going back to the elevator making Simon and I both follow him. "They are done investigating and I'm close to the chief. He'll let us through to get the story." I nodded leaning on the elevator wall as it went down. "How was Mortmain killed?"

Valentine shrugged "Suspicion is on Raphael Santiago and his mob. Mortmain was involved with dealings from Raphael. I heard that Mortmain was pinned to his office chair by daggers being dug through his hands and into the arms of the chair. He was shot in the head from a small distance."

I shook my head crossing my head "that's why people shouldn't be involved with Raphael or the mob. I bet it was one of his hitmen who did it." Valentine nodded looking like he was thinking hard about something. "I'm almost sure of it."

Simon looked at us "What makes you so sure this had to do with Raphael?" I looked at him "you're still pretty new to all this but Raphael likes to leave his mark. All his killers love to torture the deceased first before killing them." "That doesn't automatically make it him."

Valentine glanced over at Simon "why does it matter to you Lewis?" Simon shook his head looking ahead "it doesn't matter to me at all." I watched him before walking out of the elevator once the door opened. "We'll look over the crime scene and then I'll try to get a hold of some security footage." Valentine nodded and we all headed to the building.

Once we walked inside the building my stomach started doing flip flops. There was so much blood and the dead bodies were still laying around for the investigation. I glanced over at Simon expecting him to be hunched over on the ground throwing up but he was completely calm. We made our way to the main office and the moment I caught sight of Mortmains' body I put my hand over my mouth trying not to get sick.

As Valentine said his hands were pinned to the arms of his chair with small daggers and a huge bullet hole was plain to see on his forehead. "Valentine walked up to Mortmain looking him over thinking. "They must have been trying to get information out of him. I wonder if they got what they wanted."

I looked at him before looking at Mortmain again frowning. Raphael's hitmen really were a bunch of monsters. Only someone completely heartless would do something like this. "I'll look over the body and start writing up notes. Simon will stay with me while Magnus you go and collect some security footage to take back to work" Valentine said looking at me.

I nodded before making my way out of the room and down the hall where the security room was. He wanted security tapes but wouldn't taking the tapes be bad for the police's investigation? I can't believe the cops would just let him take the footage. It would show who the killer is.

I made my way into the room surprised that no police officers were in the room guarding the footage. "Are they even trying to catch the killer" I asked myself getting onto the computer and hacking into the system. Once I got passed their fire code I plugged in my flash drive and transferred the video onto the disk. Once that was done I headed back to Valentine a little shocked on how easy that was.

The police should have been guarding that room. They shouldn't even let us be here in the first place. Cops say how they want to stop all the mob activity in New York but they do little to actually stop it. I'm sure Alexander would have made a good cop with how serious he could be.

I stopped walking in the middle of the hallways and frowned thinking about Alec. It's been a year since I've seen him and I have no idea what he's doing with his life. I don't know if he's still a prostitute, homeless, dead? I contacted Aline to ask her if she has seen him but she said that she thought he was still uptown.

If Alec didn't go to his friends, then I must have really hurt him. Writing about his tragic life and then making it worse by writing another story about him being raped wasn't right for me to do. As Valentine predicted everyone ate up the rape story and once again Alec became a joke to everyone. If Alec didn't completely hate me after the first article, then he definitely hated me now.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about Alexander. His gorgeous blue eyes. His bright smiling face. The hate inside those eyes when I betrayed him. I lost Alec and it was all my fault.

"Did you get the footage" Valentine asked walking up to me with Simon. I looked up from the ground and nodded "yeah." He smiled "great take them to your office and look them over." I nodded before heading back to Circle Inc. with him.

When I got to my office I sat down in my desk chair leaning back and sighing. Seeing all those dead bodies was the hardest part of this job. Going into danger to get a good story. At least this was an honest story and not fake like all the stories I have been making lately. Simon walked in, coming over to my desk "need anything before I head home?"

I shook my head no pulling the flash drive out of my pocket and plugging it into my laptop. "I'm going to check out these security cameras before heading home myself." He nodded smiling "I'll see you tomorrow then" he said before walking out. I watched him before looking back at my computer screen barely paying any attention.

I flipped from the outside cam, to the hallway cams, then the office cam but there was nothing to see. I moved back to the outside cam again and stopped seeing a limo driving up and Mortmain getting out. A few of his guards stayed outside looking around for danger. If Mortmain hired this many guards, then that means he knew someone would try to take his life.

"why would a small business man like Mortmain get targeted by Raphael Santiago? What would he have to gain from working with someone like Mortmain?" A flash of blonde and white caught my attention and I looked back at the screen seeing a young blonde girl and a man with white hair were sitting behind the limo holding guns. I leaned forward in my chair, watching closer as they both started shooting the guards down like flies.

Once all the guards were dead a tall figure in black ran came from across the street and ran into the building. "who are you" I asked myself switching to the hallway cam and freezing the screen once the boy was in frame. He was handsome that was sure. Tall, black hair and… and blue eyes.

My eyes widened as I stared at the boy frozen on the screen. I zoomed in to get a better look praying to god that I was just seeing things. I wasn't seeing things though. Plan as day Alec Lightwood was dressed in black holding a gun in his hand and heading to Mortmains office.

I swallowed hard before pushing play again watching Alec shoot three guards in the head without a second thought. I switched to the office cam, just as Alec burst through the door. Three guards started shooting at him but Alec dodged all of the bullets. He ran up the wall and jumped over the guards, pulling out another gun and shooting them all in the head making them die instantly.

He landed on the desk glancing over his shoulder at a scared as fuck Mortmain. Seeing Alec with those cold, deadly eyes sent shivers down my spine. It was incredibly sexy but was mostly terrifying. Alec isn't a killer he cares too deeply about people to be one.

"Axel Mortmain, you have information my boss wants. Give it to me and I'll let you live."

Axel stopped shaking and smirked up at him. "I know who you are. You're Alexander Lightwood correct? I guess that article about you joining Raphael Santiago was true."

Alec just shrugged as if he didn't care "I made it true. Tell me what I want to know for this doesn't have to get ugly." I frowned listening to what he said. Is that what he's been doing since leaving rehab? He's been working as a hitman for Raphael Santiago? This was worse than anything I could have ever imagined.

"You're just a boy, the perfect little Lightwood boy couldn't bring himself to kill me" Mortmain said mocking Alec. I was hoping that Mortmain was right. Alec may have killed those guards but I can't accept that Alec is the one who tortured and killed Mortmain.

"Perfect you say" Alec asked smirking. "If you read that article about me then you know I'm far from perfect or innocent. I won't hesitate to kill you. It's up to you on wither or not you want to be tortured beforehand."

They exchanged more words glaring at each other and before I knew it Alec pulled out a couple of daggers digging them deep into Mortmains hands. Mortmain screamed in pain and Alec got off the desk walking around the room still interrogating him. When Mortmain refused to answer him he emptied his gun from all his bullets but one. I stared frozen as Alec pressed the gun to his temple asking him questions. Every time Mortmain wouldn't answer he would pull the trigger making his victim become a trembling mess.

"Oh what a pity, the game will be over so soon. I'll repeat my words from earlier Mortmain. Choose your words wisely; they may be the last words you ever say."

He pressed the gun harder again his temple and he closed his eyes tight. "Alright I'll tell you! It was Valentine Morgenstern! Valentine sank the shipment!" I frowned shaking my head. "This can't be right."

Alec looked at him before slowly pulling the gun away from his head "why would Valentine Morgenstern be the one to do it? He's a news editor and that's all." Mortmain shook his head frantically "That's all just a cover. In truth he's also in the mob game and wants to take Raphael Santiago's territory."

Alec thought for a long moment before nodding "yes… Valentine being in charge makes sense." He started leaving but Mortmain made the mistake of asking Alec to pull the daggers out of his hands. Alec stood there for a second before turning around and shooting Mortmain in the head causing me to slightly scream out and cover my mouth with my hand.

Alec walked out of the room not looking even a little sorry for what he just did. Tears stung at my eyes as I went over what I just watched. This was all my fault. Alec was a cold blooded killer and it was all my fault! I closed my eyes tight letting the tears run down my cheeks.

This isn't the way Alec's life was supposed to go. He was supposed to get clean in rehab and we were supposed to live a happy life together full of love. Now Alec was working for Raphael and killed people mercilessly. My tears turned to rage as I stood up clenching my fists.

This wasn't only my fault. Alec wouldn't have left rehab if Valentine didn't lie about Alec joining Raphael. He lied about Alec, pushed Jonathan to suicide, and to make it worse he's really a mob boss in hiding. I will not let him get away with what he's done.

I stormed out of my office getting into the elevator and the moment it opened again I stormed over to Valentines office and threw his door open. "Valentine we need to talk." As I was saying this a bullet came in through the window and flew passed my head missing me by inches. I looked over at the bullet now lunged into the wall before looking at the window it came from.

Valentine walked up to the window looking around before looking at the abandoned building in front of us. He walked back over to his desk and pushed a button to page someone "go outside and search that building across the street. Search around it as well." "Are those your mafia goons" I asked making Valentine look up at me "excuse me?"

I met his eyes glaring "you're a leader of a mafia family. You have been sinking Raphael Santiago's drug shipments." He glared back at me "where did you get this information?" I threw the flash drive onto his desk. "Alexander is the one who killed Mortmain. Did you know he was a hitman for Raphael?"

Valentine nodded with no hesitance "of course I knew. I have to keep tabs on my enemy. Didn't I tell you that Alec joining the mob would make the story more interesting?" My glare intensified "Alec is killing people and it's because of you."

Valentine rolled his eyes "oh please; I'm not the one who put the gun in his hand. He chose to leave rehab and chose to be a hitman. If anyone 'drove' him to it, it's you Magnus." "You changed my article and lied" I yelled slamming my hands on the desk.

"That may be so but you lying to him in the first place is what started all of this. Alexanders the hitman and we have proof right here that he killed him. Either you forget what you saw and that I'm in the mafia or this footage is on its way to New York news to play on TV. Alec would get arrested for twenty to life without bail or parole."

I clenched my fists "Alec doesn't deserve to go to prison." I shrugged "with all the people he's killed there may be a judge out there that disagrees. Now Magnus; I will forgive your rude behavior today if you forget what you seen and heard." I frowned "how do I know you'll just write an article saying Alexander did it?"

Valentine rolled his eyes "I didn't really want to write about Mortmains death. I just wanted to see if he opened his big mouth about me being what I am. Since you know what I am that must mean he squealed." I frowned "if that's the case then why did you have me watch the tapes instead of watching them yourself?"

He shrugged "I knew by the description of the death that it was Alec who killed him. I guess I wanted you to see what he's been up to lately. You've been sulking about him a lot more than usual. This was just to try to get you to get over him."

'well it didn't work' I thought as two men walked into the office. "Valentine you have an appointment with a client at your house. We should get going." Valentine nodded walking passed me to get to the door "give up on Alexander Lightwood Magnus. It's not worth the trouble."

Alec Pov- Everything around me was spinning as I finally started to come back to reality. The last thing I remember is trying to kill Valentine but Magnus walked in making me be off my shot. I tried to go home but Valentines goons tranquilized me. "Where am I now" I asked trying to look passed the fuzziness in my head to look around.

I was in a white cemented room with no widows. The room was bright with florescent lighting and my arms and legs were shackled to a weird chair. "Damn it, how could I have been caught so easily" I asked trying to pull away from the restraints. "There's no use in struggling" Valentines voice said from the door.

I looked forward seeing him standing there and I glared at him "Valentine." He smirked walking up to me "Alexander it has been a long time since we've seen each other. I believe it was on the day my pathetic son took his own life yes?" I glared at him "Jonathan wouldn't have killed himself if you didn't push him into doing things he didn't want to do!"

Valentine rolled his eyes "as a Morgenstern it was his job to meet my standers but he just couldn't do that. If he can't be a real man, then by all means he should be dead. My glare didn't waver. "He was happy downtown. He had a crush on a girl named Susie; they would have ended up dating and maybe even getting married. You took that chance away from him."

"We're not here to talk about Jonathan" Valentine said simply. We're here to talk about why you thought you could try to kill me. Did Raphael order this hit on me?" I smirked up at him "your stupid partner Mortmain gave you up. We know that you're also in the mob game."

He shrugged "you knowing doesn't change anything." It was his turn to smirk down at me "I have been keeping track of your murder record Alec and I know for a fact that you never miss your mark ever. Yet while trying to kill me you missed. I wonder if Magnus Bane being there had something to do with it."

"Don't talk about him" I growled looking him in the eye. "Oh did I strike a chord?" "I hate Magnus Bane! I can't stand to even hear his name so keep it out of your mouth."

Valentine laughed "wow your face says you hate the guy but your eyes say different. Could it be that after all this time, after all he has done to you, you still are in love with Magnus Bane?" "I'm not" I tried to say but my voice came out cracked. "I think you are" Valentine said simply before gesturing for one of his goons to come in.

A tall blonde man walked in holding a tray of injection needles. My entire body tensed up at the sight of them. "A little birdie told me that you have been a good boy and have been sober for a whole year. That's very impressive I applaud your will young man."

I struggled to get out of the shackles as Valentine picked up one of the needles. "Your favorite drug is heroin correct? After going a year without it I'm sure just the smallest of dosage would make you feel like you were on cloud nine." I shook my head still struggling "I don't want it."

I just started losing the withdraw symptoms. I have tried so hard for so long to resist the temptations of drugs and I was doing fine. I can't let this happen. I can't let that drug touch my blood or it will be all over for me. I won't have the will to quit a second time.

Valentine walked up to me grabbing my hair and pulling my head to the side "let's see how you react to an injection in the neck shall we?" I got wide eyed before glaring at him "injecting into the neck is extremely dangerous!" "I guess we'll see if you survive then" he said before jabbing the needle into my neck. I screamed out in pain and I could feel the drug getting transferred into my blood stream. I took deep breathes trying to ride out the pain and before I knew it everything went black again.

* * *

 **Okay let's get started down here. So, I'm going to start by telling you all a little story. I sat for a few hours brainstorming this chapter wondering what Valentine should do to torture Alec. It came to me then that he will inject him in the neck. watch Shadowhunters the next day and what do I see? Valentine shooting injections into peoples necks. Apperantly I have become one with Valentine and I don't know how I feel about it lol.**

 **I have two things of good news and one thing of bad news. The bad news is that it's complicated will be ending either in the next chapter or the chapter afterwards. The first good news is I am writing a new story ten times more dramatic than this one (is the possible?) It is called You Plus Me Equals Tragedy and it's a story full of love, sex, loss, sex, learning to love yourself and others. Oh and did I mention sex?**

 **The summery for this story is: Alec Lightwood suffers from depression. Magnus Bane suffers from Anxiety. Alec's lover killed himself, Magnus's abandoned him. Both these boys are broken beyond compare but after they agree to a no strings attached relationship could they end up saving each other?**

 **My second good news is that there will be a squeal to It's Complicated. It will be called It's still Complicated. I will start writing this squeal either when I'm half way done with You Plus Me Equals Tragedy or when I am done with it. It won't be a long wait but I need time to gather ideas and build a plot before I begin writing.**

 **Thank you all for your support and I hate that I will have to leave you for two weeks. I will work hard though and return with finished chapters of both It's Complicated and Born to Endless love.**


	11. The Complicated Conclusion

***throws fists in the air* I did it! I finished it! That was harder than I thought it would be.**

 **Hello everyone and welcome to the final chapter of It's Complicated. Thank you all so much for loving and supporting this story and I all have exciting news for you after the chapter!**

 **Now I feel like this chapter was rushed in some spots but that just might be my imagination. I hope you all like it!**

 **WARNING: This chapter is very intense. Valentine shoots Alec up with LSD so his hallucinations are kind of crazy.**

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It's Complicated Chapter Eleven: The Complicated Conclusion

Magnus Pov- I sat in my office chewing on the back of my pen wondering what I should do about Alexander. I decided long ago to leave him alone and let him do his own thing but can I really just sit by and let him be a hitman for the Mafia? Valentine is also involved in that shady business. How long would it be until Alec got caught in Valentines web?

"Having a hard time figuring out a story" Simon asked putting some papers and coffee on my desk. I looked up at the plain brunette with glasses wondering if I should confide in him. "Simon can you keep a secret?" Simon glanced at me "I'm pretty good at it yes."

I leaned back in my office chair sighing "you know Alexander Lightwood; the boy I wrote those articles about?" He nodded "I'm familiar with him yes. Why do you ask?" "Well I used to date him and I found out that he was the hitman who killed Mortmain. I don't know what I should do with this new information."

Simon was silent for a long time, looking like he was thinking something over before asking "what do you want to do with it?" "I want to get Alec out of that life and try to convince him to come back to be with me." I frowned looking down at my desk "that I still love him." Simon stayed silent again before saying "what does Valentine think?"

I looked up at him "Valentine is also involved with the mob. He's a mob boss and is after Raphael Santiago's territory." Again Simon was silent which was starting to make me suspicious. "Wait… are you hiding something from me?"

Simon walked away avoiding eye contact "no why would I hide anything from you? What would I have to hide from you?" I got out of my chair and walked up to him backing him into a corner "now Simon, you're a horrible liar. Tell me what you know right now."

I stared him down and he swallowed looking into my eyes "wow… I know those cat eyes of yours are just contacts but they're very intimidating" Simon said staring back at me. "Tell me what you know Simon." Simon let out a sigh before dropping his shoulders in defeat "I'm a mole for Raphael Santiago to keep a close eye on Valentine."

That completely shocked me. "You work for Raphael?" He rubbed the back of his head "no well… we're sort of dating so I was doing him a favor. I don't really work for him."

I moved away from him pacing around the room thinking about what I should ask next. I looked back at him now choosing a gentler approach. "So you know Alec? How has he been? What has he been doing besides killing people for your boyfriend?"

He was dead silent now and his eyes looked as though he was fighting with himself to tell me something. "If you have something you want to say just say it. Is something the matter with Alexander?" "Well… he's missing."

My eyes widened at that. "what do you mean he's missing?" Simon sighed running his hand through his hair. "He was sent on a mission a few days ago to kill Valentine. The bullet that almost hit you the other day; it was Alecs."

"Alec tried to kill me" I asked breathlessly. Simon shook his head no "I think he was aiming for Valentine but seeing you so suddenly made him panic. He never misses his mark so that means he wasn't aiming for you on purpose." I shook my head trying to let this all sink in "so you're telling me that after he failed killing Valentine he ran away?"

"Raphael doesn't think Alec ran away. Alec is very loyal to him he wouldn't just leave without saying anything." I crossed my arms "okay then what do you think happened?" He frowned "I think Valentine got him."

My entire body froze at his words. What would Valentine do if he caught the person trying to kill him? Question him? Torture him? Kill him?

He didn't even want to think about that last option. Instead he closed his eyes and tried to think back on anything that may help him figure out what happened to Alec. A memory of Valentine telling his goons to check the next building came to mind. Not soon after that Valentine had a meeting at his house.

I knew Valentines schedule inside and out. He didn't have a meeting planned at his house that day so that could only mean one thing. "Alexander is at Valentines house." Simon looked at me "how do you know for sure?"

"I don't know for sure. It's just a hunch but I'm pretty sure the 'meeting' Valentine had days ago was with Alec. Alec is in that house and he needs my help." "How do you plan on getting into Valentines place to look?"

I went back to pacing around the room, wondering the same thing myself. I have been on writers block for a little while now. I can make up a story and take it to Valentine telling him that he needs to look over it right away. I could take Simon with me so he can talk to Valentine while I search for Alexander.

I turned to Simon "get your thinking cap on Simon. You and I need to think up a story and quick so we can take it to Valentine. If Valentine really does have Alec, then who knows what he's putting him through. We need to get in there and save him at all costs."

Alec Pov- I laid on the cold stone floor looking up at the ceiling in a daze. Everything was spinning and there were weird shapes and colors all around me. I giggled reaching up and trying to touch some of the colors but my hands just went through them. I pouted before hugging myself shivering.

The room felt hot but my body felt dangerously cold. What was I doing in this place again? How did I get here? Valentine trapped me and shot me up with heroin.

After that he came in day after day with a new drug piling it all into my system. Today's drug of choice was LSD and I was definitely feeling the effects of it. I forced myself onto my feet with much difficulty and I stumbled around the room looking around.

"hello! Anyone there? Magnus! Magnus where are you?" I leaned on the cold stone wall giggling to myself not able to stop.

"Magnusssss" I said in a sing song voice. "Come on Magnus stop hiding I know you're here." "Magnus isn't here Alec. You drove him away" a familiar voice said from behind me. I turned around and gasped excitedly seeing Jonathan standing there watching me.

I ran to him grabbing his hands "Jonathan it's you. It's really you. I knew it! I knew you killing yourself was all a horrible dream."

"of course it was a dream. I would never leave my best friend" he said smiling down at me. I smiled and let go of his hands wrapping my arms around his neck and laying my head on his shoulder "I missed you so much. All I have wanted was to see you again."

"You know that's not true" Jonathan said sounding like he had a smile on his face. "I'm not the only one you have been wanting to see." I looked up at him going to ask him what he meant but instead of meeting Jonathans green eyes I met green and gold contact eyes.

"Magnus" I asked looking over his beautiful tan face and black hair. He smiled moving one of his hands to my cheek, caressing it gently "I'm here Alexander." I smiled leaning into the touch and I could feel tears stinging my eyes.

"Magnus you're here. I'm so happy." I moved my arms from around his neck and now wrapped them around his back hugging him tight. "I love you so much Magnus. I know you did some mean things but it's okay. I love you so it's okay."

I looked up at Magnus again smiling but lost the smile when I saw he looked bored. "What's with that face" I asked pouting. I reached up touching his cheek "why do you look bored?" He moved his face away before getting out of my grasp completely "because you bore me."

I shook my head reaching out to him "you don't mean that… you can't mean that." He moved away from me again. "I do mean it. What makes you think I would ever want you? Why would I want anyone's sloppy seconds; oh wait I'm sorry, so many people have been inside you I'm sure you lost count."

I stared at Magnus eyes wide in shock. "Why are you saying these things?" Magnus crossed his arms "because I'm tired of having to take care of you. You're a whore, a killer, and worse of all a druggie who can't even depend on his self to survive."

"I have been clean for a year. I have been alone just me and taking care of myself since I was eighteen." Magnus rolled his eyes at this. "You hid behind Sebastian. When you didn't have him you hid behind Jonathan, once Jonathan kicked the bucket you went running to Raphael. Face it Alec you are useless on your own."

I shook my head "I… I still managed to stay clean. I did that all on my own." He gestured his hand at me "look at yourself Alexander. Look at what's happening to you right now. You're hallucinating me while on this giant acid trip. Does that look like someone who has their shit together?"

I closed my eyes shaking my head. "Mean, why are you being so mean Magnus? I don't understand why." Tears where streaming down my cheeks at this point and whenever I tried to breath my lips quivered.

"Magnus… Magnus please. I love you. I love you so much Magnus!" I screamed meeting his eyes. His eyes were dead and cold as he stared down at me. "You are nothing to me Alexander."

I stared at him stunned "nothing…" I shook my head slowly, clenching my fists tight. "No… no you're wrong. I can't be nothing to you… you're wrong!" I ran up to him and slammed my fist to his chest over and over again yelling 'you're wrong' over and over.

Suddenly I couldn't feel Magnus anymore. I opened my eyes breathing heavily and I looked around confused when I saw Magnus was now gone. I caught my breath running my hand over my face and I frowned when the smell of iron hit my nose. I pulled my hand away from my face looking at it and froze seeing blood.

Both my hands were soaked in blood, a small knife was in the hand I used to hit Magnus in the chest. Shaking, I looked down at my feet and let out a screeching cry seeing Magnus there bleeding and dead. I stabbed him to death!

"Magnus! Magnus no baby I'm sorry!" I fell to the floor, dropping the knife and pulling his body into my arms. "Magnus, Magnus baby open your eyes. Come on look at me!"

His body didn't move. He wasn't breathing and there was no bringing him back. I looked at the knife; my entire body shaking. "I don't understand… where did that knife come from? How did I do this?"

I looked back at Magnus, a flood of tears running down my cheeks. "Magnus… Magnus… oh god Magnus!" I pulled his body as close as possible crying into his still bleeding out chest before lifting my head high and screaming to the top of my lungs.

Magnus Pov- "What do you suggest we do if Valentine figures out what we're really here to do" Simon asked walking up to Valentines house with me. "We'll hope we don't get killed I guess. I'm sure he will have his minions guarding Alec if he does really have him." Simon nodded "I informed Raphael about what we are doing and he promised to send some backup to scope the house."

I nodded looking over the fake news story I made up to come here. There was a chance Alec was being held hostage in this house. I couldn't help but remember how abusive I saw Valentine be toward his son that day in his office. If he was that cruel to his own son, then I would hate to see what he does to his enemies.

"I sure hope Valentine hasn't used drugs on Alec. He was doing so good on staying clean" Simon said walking up the steps of Valentines house. I looked at him, a feeling of pride forming in my chest "Alec has stayed clean?" Simon nodded "for a whole year now."

I smiled happy for him. He worked hard and it paid off for him. I lost my smile thinking about how all that hard work will go to nothing if Valentine did indeed use drugs to torture Alec. Thanks to my article Valentine knows everything he needs to hurt Alec.

We stopped at the front door and I rang the doorbell waiting for someone to answer. A few moments later a young red head opened the door looking at us both confused "Simon? What are you doing here?" I glared at Simon not believing this. He knew Valentines daughter, seeing her could have been our reason to come instead of making up a story!

"We're here to see your dad actually" Simon said smiling at her. "it's been awhile Clary I miss hanging out with you." So her name was Clary huh? She looked nothing like Jonathan meaning she must look like her mother. She has her mother's red hair and green eyes that's for sure.

"My father is in his office" Clary said moving out of the way and letting us in. I looked around never being inside Valentines house before. It was a mixture of cold business man and free flowing art. The walls were plain white and the furniture was gray. The color aspect of the house was all of Jocelyn's paintings hanging on the wall.

"My father's office is this way" Clary said leading us out of the living room and into a long hallway. I watched her back wondering if this girl was aware of what her father really does for a living. Did she know if Alec was here or not?

I stopped thinking about that and started scoping rooms around me. We passed a huge kitchen and a bathroom which was pretty normal but what caught my attention was a door I almost missed. It was an oak door with a padlock on it. There was something in there, Valentine didn't want others to see.

"I think he's in there" I said to Simon under my breath. Simon glanced over at the door before looking at me "it's locked up. There's no way you'll be able to get in there to check." I nodded thinking about it before looking at Clary smiling "hey Clary where does this door lead" I asked pointing to it trying to look like I was just curious.

Clary looked at the door before looking back at me "it goes to our basement. Father is always doing things down there. We aren't really allowed down there though so we don't really ask what's down there."

I smiled at her "ever get curious enough to check?" She looked back at me "If I tried to go down there I'm sure my father would be furious." She kept walking making us have no choice but to follow her. She stopped in front of Valentines office and she opened the door "father Magnus and Simon are here to see you."

Valentine looked up from some paperwork he was doing and he quickly picked up the papers stuffing them into a file and putting them into a filing cabinet. "Magnus, Simon, how can I help you?" We both walked in and took a seat in the chairs in front of his desk "I'm sorry to bother you at home but I have a story idea I figured couldn't wait for proofing." Valentine reached over taking the file from me "what is the story about?"

I opened my mouth as if I was going to tell him but then hunched over putting my hand over my mouth as if I was going to throw up. Simon most likely guessing my plan frowned and rubbed my back "Magnus are you okay?" "I'm sorry, I feel like I'm going to be sick." Valentine frowned "the bathroom is down the hall."

I nodded standing up and rushing out of the room heading in the direction of the bathroom. I went into the bathroom for appearances but kept the door open a crack so I could look out it to see if anyone followed me. Once I saw the coast was clear I locked the bathroom door from the inside before walking out of the bathroom and made my way back to the locked door.

I stayed close to the wall as I walked so if someone came my way I could quickly run and hide before they would see me. Luckily there was no one around as I made my way to the door. "I chose a good day to pin my hair back" I whispered to myself, pulling a hair pin out of my hair. I looked around again to make sure no one was coming before sticking the pin into the lock moving it around until it came undone.

"wow that was surprisingly easy" I whispered quickly opening the door and going through it closing it behind me. I made my way down the stairs thinking it was nothing but easy from here. I was wrong in thinking that; terribly wrong. In front of me were four hallways all twisting and turning in different directions.

"Well… so much for easy" I sighed before looking around trying to decide which hallway to go down. My gaze stopped on the hallways right in front of me and I sighed "well when in doubt go straight ahead." Wait for me Alexander" I whispered softly before going down the hallway.

Alec Pov- I laid on the floor curled up in a ball and rocking back and forth. The room was spinning and I felt like I could hear thousands of voices in my head. "Alec you need to calm down. You're going to have a panic attack if you keep this up" Jace's voice came from next to me. I looked over and he was there sitting next to me watching me with a look of pity.

"The voices are so loud. They won't stop" I said, my body starting to shake. Jace frowned reaching over and grabbing my hand "there are no voices Alec. It's all in your imagination."

I clenched onto his hand with my still bloody one "it's not. They keep laughing at me because I killed Magnus. They say I deserve this." Jace shook his head "you didn't kill Magnus Alec."

I glared at him "look at the blood on my hands" I yelled holding up our hands. Both our hands were clean, there was no blood in sight. I blinked staring at my hand confused. "I don't understand… I killed Magnus" I said looking around for the body.

Magnus and all the blood was gone. It was as if the crime never happened in the first place. "That was all in your head Alec. All of this right now is in your head" Isabelles voice came from the other side of me.

I looked over and she was sitting there staring at me. "You're both here" I said softly, looking at them both. Jace shook his head no "we're also part of your imagination Alec. You're high on a very powerful drug right now. Valentine gave you LSD remember?"

I closed my eyes trying to remember but it was all black. "I don't remember anything. All I remember is Magnus rejecting me and then I killed him. I didn't mean to kill him."

Isabelle wrapped her arms around me pulling me close so I was laying my head on her shoulder. "You didn't hurt Magnus Alec. You need to get out of your head and find a way out of this place." "I don't know how" I said looking up at her.

Jace rubbed my shoulder frowning "you need to find a way how. You need to come home to Magnus, Isabelle, and I." I shook my head "Magnus doesn't want me and I abandoned the two of you. I don't deserve any of you."

"Alec stop feeling sorry for yourself. We aren't the ones that need to forgive you; you have to forgive us. We wronged you not the other way around. We will always love and need you and that's why you need to get out of here."

I looked at each of them before looking across the room at the door. It looked like it was miles away from where I was sitting. "It's too far… I won't be able to reach." "You can and you have to" Isabelle said standing up. "come on Alec we know you can do it."

Jace stood up as well and they were both staring down at me "you have to fight for your chance to live. Don't let Valentine, our parents, or yourself stop you from being happy." I stared up at them for a few minutes before letting out a deep sigh.

I used my hands and knees to push myself up onto my feet, stumbling a little as I got my footing. Once I stopped stumbling I moved forward trying to get to the door. With each step I took I felt like the door was getting further and further away. The floor below me stretched out making the door move further and further away.

"It's too far… I can't get to it" I said looking back at Jace and Isabelle. They were no longer behind me. They were gone and the room was once again empty. I looked around the room just noticing that the voices inside my head stopped.

"I can do this… I need to get to that door." Once again I forced one foot in front of the other making my way do the door. "Come one… come on" I breathed out reaching my hand out for the knob. The door was finally getting closer and I used all the strength to throw myself forward to reach the door.

The moment my fingers brushed the doorknob the entire door vanished and more of the white walls took its place. All my strength gone now, I fell to the floor with a loud thump. "That's it… there's no way out." I closed my eyes catching my breath before looking up at the ceiling, tears stinging at my eyes. "Magnus… Magnus please… help me."

Magnus Pov- All these hallways became more trouble than I expected. I just kept walking following where the halls led. There was no sign of a door or anything that might help me find Alec. The only thing besides white walls was a red box on the wall holding an ax inside a glass case. I didn't even know if Alec was really here or not. I could get lost for eternity down here and it would all be for nothing.

"Hey Dan, come look at this fool" a voice came from ahead of me. I looked forward and felt relief when a door came into view. It was slightly open a crack and from the voices coming from it there were people in it. I rushed to the door and looked around to make sure no one else was coming before I peeked in through the crack in the door.

The room was filled with monitors all showing surveillance footage of a white room. My entire body froze once I got a good look at those monitors. Alec was in every frame, laying on the ground completely out cold. Two men were sitting in chairs and one of them pointed to the screen that was zoomed in on Alec "All he's been doing in laying their it's so boring."

"Is he even still alive" one of the guys, I'm guessing Dan, asked. "Oh believe me he's still alive. He may be out cold but he's defiantly feeling that LSD Valentine gave him. His body keeps twitching and he keep mumbling a name."

He turned the volume on the monitor up so they could hear whatever Alec was mumbling to himself. My heart broke as I watched Alec thrash back and forth, seeing horrors behind his eyelids that I couldn't even imagine. LSD was an intense drug and with all the stress Alec's under I'm sure the hallucinations he's having are intense.

Alec turned his head toward the camera groaning in pain and when he opened his mouth he softly cried out "Magnus…" I froze in shock by this. Alec was calling to me. Alec wanted me to save him.

"I'm coming Alexander" I whispered before moving away from the video room and running down the hall. If that was the security room, then that means Alec can't be too far. As I thought I was right; further down the hallways was another door and it was locked up to the brink. Locks all along the door.

"Damn it, I won't give up" I yelled before slamming my shoulder into the door, trying to break it down. I threw my body at it, kicked it as hard as I could, even tried to break the locks. Nothing was working, it wouldn't budge. "Damn it" I cursed laying my forehead on the door.

I had to think of a way to get rid of all these locks. "Come on Magnus think!" Suddenly it hit me; the ax I found a little back in the hall. "I'll be right back Alec I swear" I said before turning and running down the hall going back to the fire box.

It wasn't a far run back to the box. I stopped in front of it looking around for something to break the glass with but there was nothing. "I'm not giving up that easy" I said before taking a deep breath bracing myself. I slammed my fist through the glass holding in a cry of pain from the glass digging into my skin.

A loud alarm started going off meaning I didn't have a lot of time. I ignored my pain grabbing the ax and I made my way back to the room Alec was being held in. Once there I lifted the Ax high and slammed it down on the locks one by one and they all fell clunking to the ground. I dropped the ax catching my breath before opening the door and rushing inside.

Alec was in the middle of the room out cold but his body was thrashing and he groaned in pain. I got to my kneed grabbing him and pulling him into my arms. "Alexander, Alexander open your eyes and look at me." Alec's eyelids twitched before they slowly opened.

His eyes searched around him before he looked up at me, meeting my eyes. "Alexander" I said softly, moving some of his sweaty hair out of his eyes. Alec stared up at me before a sweet smile appeared on his face. "Magnus… you came… you came to save me."

I smiled down at him "of course I did. I would never let anything happen to you." Alec smiled weakly before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his body went limp. "Alec" I yelled checking his pulse. He was alive but the pulse was very light. He needed a hospital now.

"Don't worry Alexander I got you" I said picking him up and getting to my feet. I turned going to run out of the room but froze in place seeing Valentine standing there blocking the door. He was surrounded by his goons, one of them holding a gun to Simons head. "That was pretty clever of you Magnus but I'm not a fool" Valentine said pointing a gun at us.

"Valentine please, Alec is dying he needs a hospital now" I yelled hoping he would take pity. Valentine smirked "good. He deserves to die." I glared at him "I won't let you kill the man I love!"

Valentine laughed at this. "Oh that's rich. You love him yet you have single handedly done so much to hurt him. He is in this position because of you."

I held Alec closer to me "that may be true but it doesn't change the fact that I love him." Valentine shrugged "well you'll both be able to be together in death because there's no way you're leaving this place alive. You know too much." I frowned looking at the gun he was pointing at us before looking at Alec.

Alec's breathing was getting slower and slower. He needed to get to a hospital. "Valentine you don't have to do this. I won't say a word about your business or the fact that you almost killed Alec. It will be like this never happened if you just let us leave."

Valentine thought about it for a moment. "hmmm, let you go and risk you going to the police or kill you now and not take the chance of you telling anyone." He smirked "option two sounds good to me." He pulled the trigger sending a bullet our way and without a thought I dropped to the ground missing the bullet.

He lowered the gun shooting more bullets at us but I rolled around missing each one. I kept rolling until I hit the wall. Once I hit the wall I laid on top of Alec covering his body with my own so he wouldn't get hurt. When Valentine pulled the trigger again his gun was empty.

"Damn it" he said under his breath before throwing his gun to the ground and holding his hand out. "New gun now!" "Sorry not going to happen" a familiar voice said from behind Valentine. I looked up and felt my entire body relax seeing Raphael Santiago standing behind Valentine with a gun pressed to his head.

All of Valentines minions were surrounded by Raphael's. "You took my best hitman Valentine; you'll pay for that." Valentine glared back at him "how did you find out?" Raphael smirked at this "Simon Lewis told me; you know my boyfriend."

Valentines glare was intense as he looked at Simon "a spy?" I looked over at Simon shocked and he smirked at Valentine "I had to make sure Raphael was always one step ahead of you. No one would suspect the nerdy guy."

It was true I never expected it. "Raphael, Alec is dying we need to get him to the hospital." "You aren't going anywhere! I won't let any of you leave here alive" Valentine yelled.

Raphael pressed the gun to Valentines head "you aren't really in the position to make threats. You're a dead man if I decide to pull this trigger. You can either let us all go or I can kill you right here right now."

Valentine glanced back at Raphael considering his options and I suspected him to try to fight. He didn't try to fight however. Instead he moved out of the doorway to let Alec and I through. I sat there completely shocked and wondered if it was all some kind of trick.

Raphael kept the gun pointed at Valentine so if he tried to make a move he would be ready. "Magnus go on" Raphael said not looking at us. I looked down at Alec who was barely breathing in my arms. Not taking another moment to think about it I stood up and ran out of the room carrying Alec down the hall.

Simon followed us getting head of us and running up the stairs to open the door for me. Alec's body felt so heavy, it was limp and lifeless as if he was already dead. His staggering breathing though told me that he was still alive but not for long.

Six Months later- I sat in my hospital bed groaning out in boredom as I waited to be discharged. I almost died six months ago from Valentine stuffing me with heroin, meth, and LSD. Magnus saved my life though and for a while I thought it was just another hallucination and I would wake up in that white room again.

I remember every single one of those hallucinations I had in that room. I was passed out the entire time I guess but I remember touching, hugging, and worse of all killing Magnus. I never told him or anyone else about what I thought I seen and did that day. Magnus has asked many times but never pushed me into telling him.

Three days after I woke up Magnus came to my room and refused to leave even when I practically threw my food at him. I was thankful to him for saving me but the part of me that still hated what he did wanted him nowhere near me. He just stood his ground though not leaving and he held his hand out to me introducing himself. He said his name was Magnus Bane and it was nice to meet me.

At first I screamed at him asking him if he thinks starting from scratch could erase all the damage he caused. He didn't lower his hand though until finally I gave in and put my hand in his introducing myself. I couldn't hide the fact that I love and miss him.

Now it's been six months and I have been trapped in this hospital to once again go through rehab and get clean. These nurses and doctors were really nice and I got along pretty well in all the group therapy sessions. I know my drug addiction won't go away just like that but I now I'll have Magnus and my siblings by my side to help me through it all. I made up with my siblings three months after I almost died and I decided that life was too short to push people away.

"Hey you ready to go home" Magnus asked walking into my hospital room. I looked over at him crossing my arms "depends, will I like our home?" Magnus quit Circle Inc. and used his final huge paycheck to buy us a flat in Brooklyn. Brooklyn was nice because it had just the right mix of uptown and downtown. Still I didn't like the fact that Magnus bought the place without at least letting me see it first.

"Believe me Alexander you are going to love it. Jace, Isabelle, Aline, and Helen are all their getting things ready for you to come home. They are excited to see you." I rolled my eyes grabbing my duffle bag and walking out of the room with him "they all saw me yesterday."

"Yes but they want to see you out of the hospital" Magnus said grabbing my hand. I entwined our fingers looking down at the floor. "Magnus… what if I can't stay clean? What if I can't handle all the things people will say and I lose my mind again? I killed so many people I shouldn't be allowed to live my life and act like it never happened."

Magnus stopped in the middle of the hallway and put his hand under my chin tilting it up and making me look at him. "Alexander you don't deserve to rot away in some jail cell. I would miss you too much. Besides all the people you killed were slimy men who would have just ended up getting killed by someone else."

"That doesn't change anything…" I said glancing away from him. He pulled me close pressing his lips to mine and not being able to resist I closed my eyes and kissed him back. We stayed like the for a good five minutes before he pulled away and smiled at me "no more being in your head." I nodded looking into his eyes and I took a deep breath before walking with him again going to start a new life in a new home. Let's hope things from here on out won't be so complicated.

* * *

 **Did you all enjoy? I hope you did and I really am sorry if it felt rushed. It does to me but I'm really hoping it was my imagination.**

 **Anyway, I have an announcement. I decided I won't be writing You Plus Me Equals Tragedy because I was only writing that story because I was depressed. I'm trying not to be depressed anymore though and I feel like that story won't help me with that.**

 **On a brighter note though I will be starting on the squeal for It's Complicated (It's Still Complicated) as soon as possible. I would like to get the first chapter out by next week so here's hoping!**

 **I also have two stories on Deviantart that I haven't finished that I really want to finish so I will be working on them and putting them on this site, along with Born to Endless Love of course.**

 **The first Deviantart story is called Blue Eyed Prince and the summery is: _Magnus was the prince of the small kingdom of Idris but when he was little the Lightwoods overthrew his parents taking over the kingdom and turning the people into slaves. Magnus managed to escape death and hide among his people in hopes to one day win back his family crown. He soon becomes the eldest Lightwood Alexander's personal servant to learn his weaknesses and gain his trust. Alec is sweet and kind unlike his parents though and when Magnus starts falling for him can he choose between his people and his heart?_**

 **The second story is a claque highschool story called Clique: _Like every high school Idris high has cliques. There's the popular's, jocks, fashionistas, musicians, artists, geeks and lastly nerds. But there's something Idris high has that no other school does. A nobody. The one person in school who has no friends, no hobbies, and if they were gone no one would notice. That lable falls upon Alec Lightwood who's bad fashion sense and anti social personality makes him unable to be in a clique. Magnus Bane on the other hand is a fashionista, the third highest on the popularity scale and he makes a bet with his friends that he can make the 'nobody' into the most popular boy in school in one month. Can Magnus make Alec popular, or has he gone completely over his head?_**

 **Sorry these announcements are always so long! I have the first two chapters of these stories done so I will be uploading them tomorrow.**


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